THERE IS LIGHT!

I've just met Emily at Her blog - Chatting at the Sky

From what I've read, I think we may be kindred spirits...to some extent at least. She has something she does every first Tuesday - she opens her blogs to posts from other women who have something to share.

 

It's the "celebrating" part of the statement that caught my attention, for at this time in my life I'm feeling more the "messy and the unexpected" over the lovely.

Life truly can catch us unaware. It can trample us under foot. It can leave us broken, wounded, and in complete despair. At least that's what the enemy would love to see happen. He's been shooting flaming arrow after flaming arrow until that just wasn't enough and he decided to come in like a roaring lion and threaten to tear our family to shreds.

His attempts have shaken our world. Our happy little home has been wounded, but that doesn't mean it won't heal. There are days when I am reduced to tears by the prospect of another day of dealing with what has happened and wondering if I can really manage to go to work and act as if nothing is wrong. But I manage. There are nights when I lay next to my husband, a true warrior - one who never really cries - and I wonder if I should tell him he cries in his sleep? Heart wrenching to say the least.

But I'm not writing this to have a pity party. No...I am writing this to share that in the midst of darkness there is always LIGHT. It's true! I've seen it, day-after-day.
Every morning whether I want it to or not the sun STILL comes up.
There is light.
Every day my daughters still laugh and smile and even the mischevious gleam in their eyes are back.
There is light.
Every day I awake next to my amazing man and am so thankful he is here and every day I walk out in the brisk North Dakota cold and remember how good it is to breathe!
There is light.
Every day I snuggle up in my favorite corner of our soft leather couch (yes...it's a "weathered leather" and it's glorious and so comfy it literally SNUGGLES you!) I grab my favorite book (my NLT Bible) and my journal and I spend time with my best friend. Here is where I find strength for the journey. It is here that I see truth and light and gear up for the battle ahead.
There is Light!

I love skyping with my eldest daughter and seeing my precious Hannah as she dances and sings as only an 18-month-old can do. It is incredible watching her grow leaps and bounds and seeing how carefree her life is. I love anticipating the appearance of my new grandbaby. I love seeing my Kenzi make friends here in lonely North Dakota and "get a life." I love little blessings that the Lord chooses to give us when we least expect it. There is light.

For I have found that when you realize that the battle is not yours but the Lord's, your load is lightened and you can once again focus on the important things in life. "For My yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light." (Matt. 11:30)

Yes, my life is messy and yes, the unexpected hit with a vengeance - but we are hanging on and we are grateful for every moment we have because the battle belongs to the Lord and in Him THERE IS LIGHT!

HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!

It's been a tough road as of late and I'm finding that I have definitely been distracted and have allowed those distractions to take precedence over the important things in life. But God has been gracious and brought some gentle reminders to help me refocus.

One avenue was through allowing me to join the praise and worship team at our new church home. My first opportunity to lead worship with them is this coming Sunday. They're going through a study called "Pure Praise" by Dwayne Moore. The study centers around 2 Chronicles 20. My being a "good student" I decided I would read 2 Chronicles 19 and 20!

Here are the nuggets I pulled from Chapter 19:
* Commit yourself to seeking God. (Right out of the gate He's hitting me hard!! Not that I didn't know I should do this, but maybe I'd sort of forgotten?!?)
* Encourage others to return to Him. (The perfect words of wisdom for this time in my life and something we should probably do everyday with our Christian brothers and sisters.)
* (to the judges) Do not judge to please people but to please the Lord.
* Fear the Lord and judge with integrity.
* You must always act in the fear of the Lord, with faithfulness and an undivided heart.

Here's where I pause.

You must ALWAYS (not sometimes) act in the fear of the Lord. What does it mean to "act in the fear of the Lord"? I did a quick search on biblegateway.com and have come to a rough conclusion that the "fear of the Lord" is a reverence for Him. A high regard for His authority over my life and acting in the fear of the Lord is turning over my control over my life and allowing Him to be in control. Letting Him take the "helm" of my life.

The second part of that verse was more direct - not only am I to act in the fear of the Lord but I'm to do it with faithfulness and an undivided heart. I have done neither one. I have not been faithful and I have allowed the worries of this world, the things of this world, to divide my heart, my alliance to Him.

Moving on...
* You must warn them not to sin against the Lord. (well there it is...I must warn myself and take some time to work through my sinful unfaithfulness and divided heart.)
* Take courage as you fulfill your duties and may the Lord be with those who do what is right.

Wow...so much in one chapter and I still had one more to go...

Chapter 20...When bad news comes WHAT DO YOU DO?
Here's what Jehoshaphat and the people do...

* Terrified by the news, Jehoshaphat begged the Lord for guidance. (he didn't just flippantly ask God or send up a "9-1-1 prayer" - he literally BEGGED God to guide him.)
* He ordered everyone to begin fasting. (without a breath between begging - he directed his people in what they were to do with him.)
* He also ordered them to "come together to seek the Lord's help." (How often do we try to go it alone? The body of Christ is here for us to come together and seek God's wisdom, guidance, and help.)
* He prayed. (this is where I typically fall short. Rather than going to God directly and praying to Him, I usually want to discuss the matter with everybody else around me first.)
* Stand in His presence and honor God.
* Cry out to Him "save us!"
* He will hear you and save you!!

IMPLORE GOD: "We do not know what to do, but we are looking to Your for help." (12)
(In many ways this is exactly where I am at in my life right now. I have no idea what to do Lord! I really am looking to YOU for help.)

Next thing it says is, "Do not be afraid! Don't be discouraged by this mighty enemy, for the battle is NOT YOURS, BUT GOD'S!" (15)
(Oh my goodness...why have I not thought about this? Why didn't I realize that the battle truly is HIS, not mine? In dealing with the principalities and powers of the air - who better to fight the battle than God? How could I be so short-sighted? But it gets better!!!)

"You will not even need to fight. Take up your positions and STAND STILL and watch the Lord's victory! Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow for the Lord is with you."
(We're to take up our position. What position is that? It tells us!)

"Bow low, face to the ground and worship the Lord."

The book "Pure Praise" refers to the word WORSHIP saying it means "to bow down and prostrate yourself before a superior in homage. God is superior. Submitting to Him as our master is the essence of worship."

Just yesterday I came across the word "ADONAI" which is Hebrew for "Master" -
BOW DOWN
FACE THE GROUND
WORSHIP ADONAI!

* PRAISE the Lord with a very loud shout!
* BELIEVE in the Lord your God and you will be able to STAND FIRM.
* BELIEVE in His prophets and you will succeed.
* SING to the Lord and PRAISE Him for His holy splendor.
* GIVE THANKS to the Lord. His faithful love endures forever!!!

Synopsis - stand still and watch. do not be afraid. bow down. face the ground. worship Adonai. praise the Lord. believe in the Lord. stand firm. sing to Him. praise Him. give thanks to Him.
WHY?
Because HIS FAITHFUL LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!

WHAT IS THE CENTER OF YOUR HOME?

Kenzi, Sara and I chose to venture out yesterday and head to Minot. Snow was blowing, temps were right at 20 degrees out and the windshield kept freezing up. Aside from that and the semi with his empty trailer in the ditch, it was a rather uneventful jaunt. We decided to hit Hobby Lobby - wanted to pickup a craft project for the night. There we found a plethora of home decor on sale for 50% off! There were baskets, wood crates, vintage suitcases, wood plaques, metal plaques, wire sculptures, you name. But in the wood plaque aisle there were a couple particular wall hangings that caught my eye. One quoted Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." So much I could talk about regarding that one part of scripture but the one most heavy on my heart is the one I've pictured here. "Christ the center of our Home." In many ways I believe we STRIVE for this but in several ways our home has fallen short in this area as of late.

I was inspired when I saw that plaque and purchased it to put up on our wall as a declaration that our family truly does make Christ the center of our home. But when I got it in my house and as it sits against the living room wall, I am convicted, broken, sliced to the core of my being with the reality that in fact, He is NOT the center. Most days since relocating to North Dakota, He barely makes the outer perimeter of our home. I was wounded by this realization. My heart is broken, my stomach in knots and my mind is whirling from it.

Where did we go wrong? What happened to this aspect of our home? When did this occur and WHY? (while in Ohio? when we moved to North Dakota?) How did this get so out-of-control? Is it complacency? Is it laziness? Is it rebellion? What really is the state of our home? How did this creep in? and WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!?!

In all honesty, I felt this prior to now and I had been making a more concentrated effort to spend time with the Lord. I have been searching the scriptures. But now I see that I may have been doing it all wrong. Since arriving in North Dakota there has been a deep dark cloud of oppression hanging around our home. It has permeated our lives, blinded us, shrouded us in darkness and despair. I never realized just how deep it ran until now.

The other convicting and sad part of all this is that the Truth of God's Word which is usually an encouragement to me, literally makes me sick to my stomach. I think this is from the enemy. This sick feeling, though it brings about conviction and change - it is an enemy ploy in my life to make me tuck tail and run because I can't face the fact that I must confess my sin and make things right. At times I'm non-confrontational to an extreme and this would normally be one of those extremes.

BUT TODAY...I REFUSE TO LET THE ENEMY HAVE VICTORY!!!

The enemy may think he's moved in and made himself comfortable BUT TODAY I'M SENDING HIM PACKING!

That's right. I'm done. Finished. He has laid siege upon my home, he has tormented and trashed our hearts. He thought he was here for the long haul. Don't even bother packing your bags you nasty bugger. You are GONE. I'm casting you out buddy, on your rear. You are done, you're not welcome here. This family serves the LIVING GOD, the MIGHTY ONE. He's more powerful than you - and A LOT more fun to hang around with!

"God NEVER tempts anyone! Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away...these desires give birth to sinful actions and when SIN is ALLOWED to GROW, it gives BIRTH TO DEATH! So don't be misled! Whatever is GOOD and PERFECT comes from God!" James 1:13-16

"Keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls." 1 Peter 2:11

"So we must LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it!" Hebrews 2:1

Here in lovely North Dakota I must place God before me FRONT & CENTER! I must be DILIGENT to live out my faith. I don't need spiritual milk...I should be beyond that! I need the discipline to pursue Christ with ALL my HEART! SOUL! MIND! and STRENGTH!

...God is light, and there is NO darkness in Him at all! So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. BUT IF WE CONFESS OUR SINS TO HIM, He is FAITHFUL and JUST to FORGIVE US our sins and CLEANSE US from all wickedness. (1 John 1:6-9)

HOW will I do this? I'm so glad you asked!
I'm going to start by "Confess(ing) [my] sins." 1 John 1:9

Wash [myself] and be clean!
Get [my] sins out of [God's] sight.
Give up [my] evil ways.
Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Isaiah 1:16-17

Live no longer as the Gentiles (those who don't know Jesus) do, for they are hopelessly confused...throw off [my] old sinful nature and [my] former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, LET the SPIRIT RENEW YOUR THOUGHTS and ATTITUDES. Put on [my] new nature, created to be like God - TRULY RIGHTEOUS & HOLY! Ephesians 4:17-18; 22-24

Maybe you will find this an encouragement to you. Maybe you will find it a bit convicting. Whatever direction it sends you, take some time and honestly evaluate where the center of your home is. God finally got me t sit down long enough to ponder this and what I found made me very uncomfortable. Enough that I knew something needs to change. I'm headed a new direction now. Hopeful finally. And I am looking forward to seeing God work in us and through us here in North Dakota!

BUT GOD...

When I wrote about "Working Through Trials In Your Life" back on July 3rd I had NO IDEA what was just around the corner, or just how painful life could be. There is a definite difference between physical and emotional pain. The amazing thing is just how emotional pain affects you physically.

When the trial hit me it was completely unexpected. I was taken totally unaware and felt as though my heart and soul were being ripped out of my chest. My initial reaction was to curl up in a ball on the floor and sob uncontrollably. I NEVER thought I could grieve so fully and completely over something. But I did and it hurt and my emotional state seemed to dictate to my physical that it was going to give out. Fortunately I had a doctor that was helpful and when I contacted him with the news and asked for help for my physically crashing body, he knew just what to give me - a little something to cover the shock of the situation along with a little something for the grieving that would inevitably ensue. What a wise man he was. His words a soothing balm, as the words of so many well-meaning precious family members and close friends.

When major trials first hit - it's hard to know HOW you will react. One never knows until they're in the throes of the challenge, then they begin to slowly but surely discover just what they're truly made of. I was "jelly," shaken to the core of my being. I was ashamed of my reaction. But more than that I was saddened by what seemed to me a lack of faith. As the days wore on I thought I should be getting over it...I should be back on my feet...I should be able to work...I should be able to focus - but several days later, I still couldn't shake it.

BUT GOD...that has been my mainstay this entire time. The fact that HE would not hold it against me. The fact that HE would not punish me for my lack of faith. BUT GOD loves us, no matter what! He will never leave us or forsake us. His mercy is new every morning, His grace is sufficient. What a truly mighty God we serve, that even in the midst of my sorrow HE provided joy. I don't know that I'll ever look at those TWO WORDS the same again. For I claim them in all circumstances now...BUT GOD...

His people said this...BUT GOD... His people acted this way...BUT GOD... in all his goodness and mercy had other plans for His children and drew them to Himself that they might live and have an abundant life! SO we're walking through some major trials. SO our hearts are hurting and we don't know what to do or say. BUT GOD knows all, sees all and is in ALL! And so I sit here, knowing that there is truly nothing I can do about the situation, about the pain, about the future except leave it in God's hands! There's no "buts" about it!!!

A CALL TO HOLY LIVING

Purity is all about living a sanctified life. Sanctification means to be "set apart," to live a holy life definitely sets a person apart. I think one of the most interesting reactions I have received while sharing my thoughts on purity would have to be the idea that you only need to "remain pure" until you're married. My response was simply this, the enemy of our souls would love to see us fall or soil our Christian testimony. He is not going to give up on us once we're married. He will do everything he can to tempt us to stray from our husband, to be discontent, to be complacent and hurl us head long into an adulterous relationship. Purity most definitely does NOT end with marriage. It just takes on a whole new level of commitment. It requires we foster a thriving relationship with God, one that strengthens our marriage and love for our spouse. That's why the call to Holy Living is so important!

In 1 Peter 1:13-15 it is very specific "So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. So you must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now, you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who CHOSE you is holy."

Further on in 1 Peter 2 it says, "So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy and all unkind speech...you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What's more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God." (1 Peter 2:1 & 5)

First of all, it is GOD who is building us into his spiritual temple, not ourselves. Secondly if I am a spiritual temple then I must treat that temple with the respect and dignity that reflects God. This means good stewardship from what I allow my mind to take in (i.e. TV, movies, books I read, magazines, etc.) to how I train, feed, care for my body, and most especially how I care for my spiritual life. It talks about offering spiritual SACRIFICES that please God. This pretty much tells me it's not going to be easy but then I also need to consider just how willing I am to make the effort and the sacrifice. Humanly speaking we are not prone towards sacrifice. We're too selfish. Sacrifice is something we can only accomplish through Him. "Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory." (1 Peter 1:21) Better yet, let's look at 1 Peter 2:21-25 "For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps.
He never sinned, nor ever deceived anyone.
He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered.
He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.
He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.
BY HIS WOUNDS YOU ARE HEALED.
Once you were like sheep who wandered away. But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls."

His sacrifice calls us to Him, enables us to be forgiven and live a holy life, so why wouldn't we want to live it that way? For me it is summed up in one word...LAZY. I would rather sleep in than spend time with God. I would prefer to pinterest or facebook rather than take time to pour His Word into my heart and mind.
Transformation...holy living...sacrificial love don't come at the drop of a hat. They come with concentrated, intentional effort. What can we do to live holy lives? Maybe for the next 28 days we could search God's Word for direction and post scriptures on the Sanctified Sisterhood FB site that talk about and encourage us to Holy Living? It has been said it takes 28 days to create a habit. So let's work together and create a habit of Holy Living!!!

BECOMING A MISSY FRANKLIN

There's a lot we can learn from young people! It's always been said that we can learn from older people but there are some amazing young people out there who display WAY more maturity than some adults I know. This is seen in the life of Missy Franklin. An ordinary girl with an incredible gift. That's how her family has approached her celebrity life. Missy has been blessed with an athletic gift for swimming. She has accomplished an amazing feat at the 2012 Olympics winning the Gold last night. But more than that she has made some choices in her life that have allowed her to remain humble and from some perspectives a "normal teenager". This is a compliment to her parents and how they have raised their daughter. For a 16 year old girl to make the decision to remain with her family while training for the Olympics is huge. For her to choose to stay in school and maintain her friend group and not isolate herself while preparing for this was thought by some to be insane. But Missy knew something that many of us forget - she knew she needed the support of not only her family and her coach but also her friends. Missy knew she wanted the love and community support of other believers behind her. God gave this young girl wisdom beyond her years and has enabled her to accomplish great things and she has given Him the glory.

Being a wife and mother of four and recently relocating to North Dakota - I'm realizing just how important it is to have that friend group, that core support of fellow believers that keeps you going. I am seeing just how hard it is when you are isolated and have to rely on JUST your family - not that this is a bad thing, but it IS difficult. There are days where I've watched us all be a bit irritated and "tired" of each other - but at the end of the day, we're grateful for one another. I think it's vitally important that we all remember just how much we need to be encouragers of one another. We need to be willing to set ourselves aside for the larger good and let God work. If you watch Missy's various interviews you will hear she and her parents talk about the choices they made. Choices that kept a young woman grounded and has allowed her to achieve great things. Choices NOT to accept sponsorships in order that this young woman could remain on her high school swim team. She didn't want to be a solo act.

As a husband and wife TEAM is important as well. As a family unit TEAM is important. None of us can or should go solo. God created us for fellowship. God created us to worship Him in fellowship, not as a solo act. As sinful human beings we are naturally geared towards selfishness and the "it's all about me" mentality. Next time you feel yourself being drawn that direction - think about being more like a Missy Franklin and be a blessing to others! Thank God for your husband and your family  because you are not alone. Take time to praise God for your church family, your friends, your support He's placed in your life! You never know, someday you might find yourself in the middle of nowhere North Dakota and be reminded just how much you should appreciate them. It's been a good reminder for me, one that I will not soon forget or take for granted.

COMMUNICATION TAKES EFFORT

One of the craziest things about being married is finding out that Daryl and I don't speak the same language. We went along for about 18 years without even realizing this was part of our problem. Then one day I was reading the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerich and it all became too clear! In his book Eggerich talks about the guy wearing blue hearing aids and the woman wearing pink ones or having blue and pink glasses. The day after I read this section on language barriers was my birthday. Daryl, who always works hard to provide for us, was debating on going to work (on a Saturday). I wanted him to go with the girls and I - we were just going to go to Longhorn's for a chocolate stampede.

This happened to be my all-time favorite dessert (still would be if I could eat it!) Anyway, on my insistence Daryl relented about going to work and reluctantly joined us for our trip to Longhorn. In the car we were both pretty sullen. I attempted to diffuse the situation using my newly acquired communication tactics. SO...I began to try to explain to Daryl about blue and pink hearing aids. I suggested his blue hearing aids were interpreting my request as "I want to go SPEND money and eat some cake at an expensive restaurant" while in the back of his mind he is thinking, "that means I need to go work a couple extra hours to cover the cost of this outing." And that in my mind I was thinking, "I want to spend time as a family and celebrate my birthday but I'm going to compromise eating an entire meal out and just go share this dessert and experience the fun we have while devouring something delectable."

I can't say that my attempts at communication were successful and it has taken a great deal of practice since that time to get to where we actually are communicating on the same "plane" and this doesn't always happen now - 4 years later. BUT - it definitely diffused the situation and we were able to go and enjoy the outing together with our children.

I think the greatest lesson I learned was that we really CANNOT read each others minds! I don't know why we even think we can. I have had many opportunities where I've had to call a "time out" and we have had to hash out our communications and line of thinking in order to get to the root of why a discussion was causing conflict. The amazing thing is now we are willing to discuss it, work through it and actually come to an understanding, whereas before, we would just clam up and stew about it and let it brood. This caused so much pain in our marriage! I highly recommend the book Love and Respect as an excellent tool for building a solid foundation of communication between a husband and wife. If you haven't read it - it's worth the resources of time and money to do so - TOGETHER!

Communication truly does take a TON of effort - but in the end it plays a key role in the strength of a marriage that is going to last!

SO LONG STATUS QUO! CAN MARRIAGES REALLY LAST??

“Cohabitation is increasingly becoming the first co-residential union formed among young adults."  This Cohabitating Study indicated that these marriages MIGHT last anywhere from 10-20 years. 

The "What's love got to do with it?" study estimates that a quarter of relationships will end within six years and 50 per cent by 25 years. 

One of the most disconcerting things for me about today's society is how commonplace it is for most relationships to take on the following progression - meet, date one or two times, have sex, move in together, get tired of each other and move out or maybe in about eight or ten years consider marriage. More alarming is how many cohabitating couples openly admit they will not marry because they're pretty sure they are not living with "the one." 

I am not here to condemn those who have chosen this lifestyle. I am really just wanting to encourage those who might be considering going against the "norm" and choose not to have sex before marriage. Those who choose not to cohabitate but may be looking for an alternative to societal status quo. 

You see, I am out to change the status quo because I too, as the case may be, did everything the way it is done today. I met my husband, at the time I was already divorced and had a child so we didn't even think waiting was necessary, we planned to move in together out of convenience (because we couldn't afford two apartments between the time I relocated to his area and the we could plan our wedding) and I justified it by getting engaged. Both of us came from families where both our parents had been together for many years and had not lived together. Both of us had grown up with religious up-bringing. Both of us had made bad decisions after high school that led to a ton of emotional baggage being brought into our marriage. My being divorced, having a child from another marriage, our living together before marriage - all were a recipe for disaster. Statistically we should have been divorced about 12 years ago - had our marriage been the "norm" we should have divorced at the 7-10 year mark and most definitely we will be divorced by our 25th Wedding Anniversary. But here's where the grace of God comes in. You see, at 5 years marriage and an additional 2 children later - were it not for the grace of God we most likely would have divorced. BUT GOD (I love when the Bible says this!) transformed my heart and my marriage and began to show us a better way! God began to place within both our hearts a desire to be committed to one another through thick and thin. He transformed our thinking to where we began to take our wedding vows seriously and began searching for something more than just cohabitation. Sounds strange since we were married and not just "cohabitating" but when you enter into a marriage from cohabitation it's hard to make the transition. Wedding vows are serious stuff but when the going gets tough they pale in the light of Hollywood standards and before we know it we're thinking we are no longer "in love" and looking for it in all the wrong places. 

As I have seriously studied what it takes to make a marriage last I have determined that my desire for my daughters would be to have them take an alternative route on the road less traveled. My heart's desire for them would be to eliminate some of those "marriage killer" statistical challenges and encourage them to go about the business of marriage from an unconventional direction. Our plan looks something like this...(Keep in mind we have all girls and this is from that perspective)

They've met someone they're are attracted to, before they get too emotionally attached or consider dating, bring him home to meet the parents. If at that time there are no red flags, then Dad and Mom will meet with the young man and discuss the Johnson family approach to "dating". Initially we request both our daughter and the young man define dating and with a clear understanding of the meaning of boundaries - create their boundaries for their relationship. If they both have mentors or strong Christian friends nearby we encourage them to set up accountability partners that will hold them to the boundaries they have implemented. (If they don't have that support network then her Dad and I become the accountability partners.) Boundaries are not unchanging - as the relationship progresses they are constantly redefined to hold the couple to their commitment of spiritual, emotional and physical purity. The intent of their dating relationship is to determine if this indeed is the person God has chosen for them to live out the rest of their lives with. 

Some questions to consider would be - Does this person assist me in deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ?  Does this person build me up? How does this person interact with my family? Are there any red flags I'm ignoring or justifying about our relationship? Is the attraction more than just physical? Do I place unrealistic expectations on this person - expectations that only Christ can fulfill? Does this person respect the boundaries in place or challenge them? Does my relationship cause me to be at odds with my family? (A great book to use during latter stages of this part of the relationship is 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged)

There is a natural progression from here - if this person is found to be their future spouse. While keeping with the boundaries, the couple moves from the point of "dating or courtship or dateship" whatever you want to call it - to becoming engaged. At this point questions asked become deeper and the focus is not just wedding planning but preparation for marriage. For the couple we recommend marriage preparation classes or going through the study Before You Say, "I Do", read the book Sacred Marriage, as well as going through a financial planning course by Dave Ramsey (Financial Peace University).

This is not the time to let boundaries and accountability slide - this is the time where the couple would "pick up their game" and keep their eye on the "finish line." On the day of their wedding they would exchange vows that they take very seriously and commit not only to love and to cherish from this day forward till death do they part but also commit not to get divorced. It's a bit of a foreign concept and maybe even superstition that would drive a couple NOT to even mention the word "divorce" on their wedding day but committing before God and family and friends to stay together forever with divorce not being an option, solidifies in a person's mind just how serious a commitment this truly is.  

But "being married" is not the end of this journey - no, it's just the beginning! It takes work to remain faithful, committed and true to the one you marry! Believe me, we've been working on this and one of the most rewarding things about marriage has been waking up every morning and being able to look at my man and realize how God has brought us together and how amazing it is that God has infused my heart with so much love for him. Since the day I allowed the Lord to come into my life and transform my heart, there has never been a time that I haven't pursued a deeper more Christ-centered marriage. Falling "out of love" is an emotionally based marriage. Loving without limits is foundation to a deeply committed, Christ-centered one. Daryl and I feel truly blessed to be in a marriage that will last "until death do us part." SO LONG STATUS QUO! :)

WORKING THROUGH TRIALS IN YOUR LIFE

If there’s one thing I believe we all struggle with it’s the trials or difficulties that come with life. Sometimes it seems there’s no end to the trials we may be dealing with. They can be discouraging, they can bring despair and depression. But there is one thing I’ve found that has helped me significantly through my trials and that would be FOCUS. When I’m struggling in life and I feel myself spiraling downwards in self-pity or consumed with a trial rather than walking in joy, I have to adjust my focus.

This past Sunday, Turning Point, a Dr. David Jeremiah broadcast was all about trials. Entitled “What to do When the Heat’s Turned Up” – I found this very encouraging and wanted to share a few points from it:

Using James 1:1-12, his first point was:

CELEBRATE THE REASON BEHIND YOUR TRIALS
A trial could be financial strain, loss of job, death in family, relationship problems, health issues, job stress, or simply exhaustion. From the outset of James’ letter – he discusses some key words. The first word is WHEN. James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy WHEN (not IF!) you fall into many trials.”

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TRIALS. But we need to remember to respond to our trial from God’s perspective and realize it’s being used by God to produce something valuable in us.

The second word is COUNT or CONSIDER in the Greek this word means “think forward.” When you find yourself in the midst of trials take a moment and fast forward in your mind to what God is up to and REJOICE in what He’s going to do within and through you as you walk through this trial. Deal with it by seeing what God is up to.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

Jesus looked forward to the results of His sacrifice and found joy in it which gave Him the strength to finish out the journey.

CALCULATE THE JOY IN YOUR TRIALS
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face testing or trials of many kinds, because you that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3 PERSEVERANCE is also PATIENCE however, patience is not sitting back and letting things just happen, it’s doing what God has called us to do regardless of the circumstances. Do what we ought to do even though the expected result is not there. Trials produce within us durability and maturity. Without durability in trials believers can’t grow up.  “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.” James 1:4 How do we become mature? By going through stuff. God uses the irritations to grow us up in Him! This puts muscle in our spiritual being so we can say, “I know that I know that I know my God is enough in the midst of all things!” He is going to teach us durability and help us look at life through the lens of reality.

CALL UPON GOD’S RESOURCES IN YOUR TRIALS
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5 Just go and ask him! He will give wisdom to us liberally without reproach.

God is good! (and the source of our wisdom) In James 1:17 it states, “every good and perfect gift comes from God.” He is the God of wisdom (Job 12:13, Job 28:23, Proverbs 2:6, Ephesians 1:17) He will help us figure it out and know what to do.

God is generous. James 1:5 – he gives to us liberally. God reaches down from heaven and stretches out to give us what we need.

God is gracious. James 1:5 – he gives without reproach. Ever had to go to God several times about the same thing? Have you apologized for it? God is never insulted by our coming to him over and over again with the needs of our heart! He is NEVER insulted and won’t scold us for coming. Don’t ever use the excuse, “I already asked once and hate to go back again.” God wants us to come back again. (I am personally guilty of this next point that Dr. Jeremiah makes…) The last person we ask about what we’re going through is the only person who can give any real insight into the issue – that’s God!! (I am really “good at” going to my husband, my daughters, my friends, my mentor, but my last stop had always been GOD – this practice continued in my life for several years until I realized what I was doing and began making a more concentrated effort to shift my focus and begin ASKING GOD FIRST!) Cut through all the lower layers and go straight to the top! God is willing and longing to help us. But, don’t come lacking in faith…don’t be double minded (James 1:8). Come to God as our ONLY option not ONE of our options. We need to concentrate and focus on what HE says and not what others have told us. Let the other stuff go.

CONSIDER YOUR REACTIONS TO YOUR TRIALS (James 1:9-10)
When we’re going through stuff we will discover that trials and testing even the playing field. They are the same for the rich as the poor. There’s no rich version of cancer or poor version – it hits everybody the same. When you’re going through trouble understand God is using this and may use it to exalt you. He loves to lift up the humble.

CONTEMPLATE THE REWARDS OF THE TRIALS
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of glory that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12 Trials are linked to our future to prepare us for what He wants to do for us. We must face our difficulties by honoring the Lord.

God uses them to create spiritual pearls in our lives.

What is He up to in you? Ask Him what it is He wants you to learn and how he wants you to grow in the midst of all this! If you know Jesus, you know God is enough!

I’ve been dealing with some health trials in my life that tend to weigh heavy on my heart, but since moving to North Dakota it seems the intensity of other trials around me have become even greater than my health issues. I have had to adjust my focus on all fronts and God’s been reminding me time and time again to bring set them before Him.  It is not easy. It’s not fun. But…it is worth it!!! I have grown exponentially through it all and am LOOKING FORWARD to the lessons that are coming just around the corner.

So…with all that in mind…what is God up to in your life?!?!

FUNCTIONAL FIXEDNESS

In Chapter 2 of Sacred Influence the author discusses how a man can live in FUNCTIONAL FIXEDNESS. The first time I read through this part of the book I truly struggled to understand how a male author writing to a woman would get off with suggesting we be manipulative. I honestly felt that was what he was telling me to be. So, I committed this to prayer because I struggled so mightily with it. And now - months later, I am reading through this again and feeling completely different about it.
"Men don't normally change if what they're doing is working FOR THEM." That's why we find them in functional fixedness. The author goes on to explain that, "He needs a compelling reason to change and it needs to be more compelling than your happiness or your private misery with the situation. It's not YOUR pain that motivates him but HIS pain." REALLY??? I would have never thought this.

My husband has spent our entire marriage working his tail off to provide whatever my little heart desires. In the beginning manipulation definitely ruled and I had to work hard to weed that type of thinking from my heart and mind after I turned my life over to the Lord five years into our marriage. So when the author writes, "You have to be willing to create an environment in which the status quo becomes more painful than the experience of positive change." I honestly thought he was talking about me manipulating and possibly even undermining everything I had tried to build into our marriage. I was incensed by this insinuation and somehow I totally missed this next part...

"A wife should be a positive influence without nagging and without petty recriminations (i.e. withholding sex, the silent treatment, a critical spirit.) A wife should GENTLY but FORCEFULLY make her husband see that as long as he acts the way he is their marriage is going to suffer in SPECIFIC WAYS that affect HIM."

When I read this over 6 months ago I had no idea the Lord would begin His work without me knowing what to do or how to do it, but He truly has and it's amazing to watch him work. Yet there's a warning in the next few paragraphs - things we really must heed, "be wary of your willingness to live with your glaring hurt or a gaping need. Do not pretend that Satan won't exploit it! Or that you won't be tempted by another man who happens to be strongest where your husband is weakest. Creating a climate in which your spouse will be motivated by his pain is a COURAGEOUS and HEALTHY movement TOWARD your spouse and toward PRESERVING and STRENGTHENING your marriage. It is an act of commitment NOT rebellion."

What a relief - I'm NOT being rebellious! "All of this requires a very specific application based on your husband's personality." My prayer - Lord, help me to know ho and what to do to make this effective, benefiaical and powerful! "It's enough to say that if merely communicating your hurt isn't solving the problem - you're most likely dealing with functional fixedness and you'll need to BE STRONG to address that issue. NOT ROCKING THE BOAT might backfire, making your husband more likely to stray or disrespect his wife because she 'puts up with' his poor behavior which reinforces his disrespectful behavior."

Then I read on and was completely caught off guard by this next part - "If you can stand strong in your relationship and your identity IN CHRIST, COURAGEOUSLY making clear how you will and will not be treated, you will be amazed how the respect you show yourself rubs off on your husband." I have lived for 22 years thinking that I should NOT stand up for myself because that wasn't being submissive. I was living with more of a "doormat" mentality I guess. But reading this made sense this time and I now realize that there has to be a way in which I can lovingly rebuke my husband when he does or says things that disrespect me and possibly even belittles me in front of others. Not to say that I would rebuke him in front of others, no there is a time and a place where this is to be done and that would definitely be in private because otherwise I am doing the same - by addressing the issue in front of other people I would be disrespecting him as well which totally defeats the purpose!

My final words for you from Gary Thomas on this issue of functional fixedness are, "Many women think their husband's anger is the great enemy of their security but in fact WEAKNESS and the corresponding RELATIONAL BOREDOM pose fa more potential threat. THINGS MUST CHANGE!" So creating an environment conducive to making your man uncomfortable with the situation enough so that he is awakened out of his functional fixedness is a GOOD thing and NOT manipulation at all! DO ALL TO THE GLORY OF GOD LADIES!!

COMPLACENCY A MARRIAGE DEATH SENTENCE

Complacency is a place I find myself when I am letting myself drift through life. It's not where I ever want to be but even in marriage this unwelcome guest may creep in and left unchecked can crumble a marriage. When a person becomes complacent they tend to let their lives run on auto pilot, so to speak. Auto pilot which has no direction, no destination and is typically in self-destruct mode. I've been there and don't ever want to go back. It almost destroyed my marriage to my amazing man and I praise God He got a hold of me in time to save it.

In reading Ephesians I was reminded of God calling me to Himself. Ephesians was one of the first books I read after surrendering my life to Him. In chapter 4 it says, "Put on your new nature, created to be like God - truly righteous and holy." (24)

From there it gave instructions. It talks about telling your neighbors the truth, don't let anger control you, use your hands for good hard work and not to steal, give generously to those in need. Then it goes on to say - "Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (4:29) Which brings me to complacency marriage killer point number one, when you are in a complacent mode sarcasm takes over. There is a place in life for sarcasm or rather humor, however when you are complacent the sarcasm becomes biting and hurtful and begins to dig a grave of emotional turmoil in marriage. Most of the time I would just shrug it off as a bad day but before I knew it, the habit of sarcasm had become commonplace in our conversations.

The next verse states, "Do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption." (4:30) Point number two, when we are living in complacency we bring sorrow to God. I find that when I allow my life to become routine, especially my quiet times then complacency sneaks in and I no longer strive to live a holy life. I have to work at maintaining an active pursuit of Christ to keep from falling into this.

Point number three - complacency leaves a path of destruction. This destruction leads to "bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behavior." The worst part is that once a marriage reaches this point it's difficult to get rid of those things. There is a great deal of bitterness, anger takes over, frustrations are high, and we start saying not-so-nice things about each other. The worst part is we start believing them. The biting sarcasm has become harsh words and all trust and communication are gone.

Turning around complacency doesn't have to be as difficult as the enemy would have you believe. Your marriage may have one foot in the grave but you can pull yourself out of it! Ephesians 5:1-2 has the answer. "Imitate God therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." Turning things around can take time, definitely takes a concentrated effort and will likely be painful. But it's the healing type of pain. Worth all the time and effort it takes. It will require you to humbly to go your spouse and ask for forgiveness. It will demand you to exercise restraint where your tongue is concerned. In the long run however, rising from the grave of complacency and defeating its death penalty is totally worth it!

WHEN CHANGE COMES KNOCKING...

Sometimes I'm glad to be here in North Dakota. Though where we live has been referred to as a third world country and there are times where it might even be believable, I still feel there's a bit of charm to this state even if it's in the midst of great chaos as the 21st Century Gold Rush.

Then there are times where I feel the loneliness my daughters verbalize occasionally. It really is hard here. There are not very many women around, my best friends are Daryl and my girls. My interaction with those other than my own family are limited.

I still struggle with my health and am going through a lot where that's concerned. So the change in geographic location is not the only change happening around here. We are living in a temporary dwelling and preparing to relocate in August. We have yet to find a church home. Things are constantly changing at work. And my health is so up and down I don't know whether I'm going to physically be UP or DOWN. I hope I am not coming across as a whiner here. That's really not the purpose I am sharing all this with you. The real reason is because I CHOSE this time in my life. I AGREED to it. WHY would I do something so crazy? Leave behind a wonderful church family, a great job, a beautiful home, dear friends, and move out to the middle of literally NOWHERE????

Because...

God called me to it...

and...

I did it for my husband.

For the past few years I have been praying for a change for him and God brought it. I had a choice - accept God's will for our lives or fight it. I preferred not to fight with God, so I accepted.

Times are tough and I do feel down sometimes. I miss so many people, I miss having a nice house that fits all of our belongings in it. I don't like the idea of moving without my friends around to help. But mostly, I miss having the support of my sisters-in-Christ. Those women who lifted me up in prayer, in word and in deed. Those women who showed up on my doorstep when I couldn't get off the couch and cleaned my house. Those who provided us with meals when we needed them most. Those who checked in when it was just Sara and I and Daryl was in North Dakota and Kenzi and Bailey were in Arizona.

But in the midst of this desert journey, I'm seeing God working in the lives of my husband and daughters in ways I would never have thought possible.

I am seeing a God who provides, lovingly disciplines, and gently draws us to Him. Even though we may feel we're not in the "perfect" place, we're all together and prayers are being answered every day!

So rather than wade in a pool of self-pity, I have chosen to immerse myself in His love and peace and might even "dive head long into a slough" of His grace. (Okay, so you have to live here to understand that last imagery. There are sloughs - little "lakes" all over here and some look inviting while others are just plain nasty. Jokes really are not funny if you have to explain them huh?! Maybe I'll leave those to my daughters.)

Anyway, when change comes knocking, don't run the other way...embrace it! God moves in mysterious ways, we may never fully understand but, He does have a plan and He longs to bless you! You never know what blessings await on the other side (or in another state and country!) 

Go ahead...DIVE IN!

USING MY GOD GIVEN INFLUENCE FOR GREAT!

Answering my questions from my previous post I thought I'd start with the first one: If you have put your husband's acceptance of you over your identity as a child of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better? This has been key to my growth through this Sacred Influence journey. When I have purposefully made my relationship with God a priority I have found that it's easier to focus on my husband in a positive light. It's when I am consumed with the world that I am no longer influencing him for good - mainly because I am filling myself with things that are insignificant and not glorifying to God. 

I must however give credit where credit is due - because it is not only God that has transformed me into the woman I am today, you see, before I turned my life over to God, the Lord had begun the transformation of Yuki Johnson through my husband. Daryl has always been my biggest "cheerleader". He always encouraged me and built me up. It was something I definitely did not understand and in later years took for granted. But between God and my husband's influence I am who I am today. :)

What is the difference between trying to change a man and trying to influence him? Now here's a VERY interesting question. First of all there's a difference between "influence" and "manipulation" and that is why my thoughts on the difference between trying to "change a man" vs. trying to "influence him" would  be motivation and tactic. By seeking to glorify God and striving to live in His image and by the power of the Holy Spirit I am able to influence my husband to become the man of God he was meant to be. Influencing focuses on my personal growth and is motivated by my desire to find my worth and value in Christ first and foremost. My tactics would be guided by the Holy Spirit and not my flesh which once again gears this towards a more sacred influence and not manipulation. 

Let's talk about manipulation for a moment. I think that women are wired for manipulation. (Look at Adam and Eve and the apple...need I say more?) The problem is the world fosters manipulation. Every tv show, every movie, even in the Christian realm, we live in manipulation and may not even realize it. It happens unconsciously and it's not until we are made aware of it that we realize how wrong it truly is. I was the biggest manipulator I know and probably one of the best actresses because of it. I knew exactly how to act, what to say, when to cry, when to pout, in order to get my way. It was deplorable! But God began to convict me in this area and slowly transformed my heart and mind. It has been my goal for many years now to raise daughters who were aware of manipulation and how to avoid it. My path has crossed many times with women of all ages in the church who are unaware of their manipulative ways. Manipulation leads to unhappy marriages. It causes unnecessary hurt and pain and sabotages communication. It has been the root cause of communication barriers in my marriage and has taken years to tear down. I implore you to take a close look at what motivates you and ask yourself if what you are doing and saying is building your spouse up or tearing them down. Manipulation may be innately related to women but it goes both ways anymore. Our society has clouded the gender lines and more and more men are taking on the attributes of women and visa versa. We as Christians need to be aware of our own motivating factors in how we are handling things in our marriage and make conscious efforts to put God first, and our spouse next and be purposeful in maintaining a manipulation free zone in our homes!

If you "caught" your husband bragging about you, what do you think he would be saying? What would you like to hear him say in the future? What are some things you can do to start building on this? 

This question was eye-opening for me. It was realizing that my husband typically bragged about Sanctify Ministries or my job that I loved but never really bragged about my being a good wife or mother. In some ways I felt that the ministry and my job had become a sore spot for him because of the fact that I wasn't meeting his needs. At that time I journaled: "I want to be a blessing to my husband so he can speak positively of me and know that I am his biggest cheerleader too. I am honestly at a loss on how to be a support to him. Lord please help me!" So the beginning of the journey wasn't positive. I knew in my heart that I was NOT influencing my husband for good and that something needed to change. So my prayer would be that you to would determine in your heart that you would desire to be a women of Sacred Influence and that your life would be a reflection of Christ and you would use your God given influence for good or better yet...for GREAT!!! :)

BEGINNING THE SACRED INFLUENCE JOURNEY

As I began my journey through Sacred Influence I discovered some rather disturbing things about myself. The funny thing was it came through the combination of my daily devotional book and Bible reading and Sacred Influence. I love when God connects things so completely like that. For example, when I was most confused and not knowing what direction God wanted to take me with this new journey I was reading in Come Away My Beloved and there in the middle of the devotional it said, "But look to Me and I will be your beacon in the night and you will not stumble over the hidden things. You will walk in the way of victory though turmoil is on either hand. It shall be a path of deliverance." These words were an encouragement to me that I should move forward with great anticipation.

Some of my favorite things about the book were the questions he asked (along with the male perspective he presented.) I thought I would share a few of the questions here with you from Chapter 1. Feel free to ponder them...

If you have put your husband's acceptance of you over your identity as a child of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better?

What is the difference between trying to change a man and trying to influence him?

If you "caught" your husband bragging about you, what do you think he would be saying? What would you like to hear him say in the future? What are some things you can do to start building on this?

I think I'll leave you all to think about these things. I'll share my thoughts tomorrow. :)

APPRECIATING THE MAN I AM BLESSED WITH

I've been married for 22 years. It's funny how easy it is to fall into routine and take each other for granted. It's amazing how hard it is to schedule a date night and spend time together. It's sad how quickly we can drift apart and feel disconnected when we're not intentional about our pursuit of one another. I have a good marriage. I want a GREAT one. Over a year ago I prayed for just that - an exceptional marriage. I prayed that God would open my eyes to the things that have been keeping us from having a great marriage. That's when my daughter recommended the book "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas (mainly known for his book "Sacred Marriage") I never realized how vital it was to have a man write a book for wives about marriage but this guy did an amazing job! So around Chapter 4 of the book I was compelled to journal about my man. Here's what I wrote a year ago:

Journal Entry May 16, 2011
Daryl Johnson - one of the most attractive men I've ever met! The draw was a definite chemistry placed between us by a loving God. We were hooked from the moment we met. He - the self-assured young man with his sailor swagger and all-American apple pie face. His laughing hazel eyes, adorable smile and cute butt! :)  My heart soared in his presence. I felt cherished, loved, adored, protected and on many occasions larger than life. My heart longed to be his. Being around him left me intoxicated with giddiness and certain joy. There's no man on this earth that could ever capture this heart of mine more completely, save one, my Lord and Savior who has very definitely wooed me and drawn me into an incredible divine romance. But it is also because of this divine romance that I now see my husband in a different light.

You see, for years we've been fulfilling our roles as husband and wife but a few years back the Lord pricked my heart with this thought, "there has got to be more to marriage than this." Not that I had a "bad" marriage - I would and can honestly say we have a good marriage - but the Lord challenged me to dig and to realize that we could easily and conceivably have a GREAT marriage. And thus the transformation of my heart began. I started looking for "tools" to help me more clearly understand the changes I needed to make in my heart, my head, my actions, my thoughts. I had to plough through my own expectations of the picture perfect marriage and make room for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. It didn't happen over night. It didn't happen in a month. It began to take place and is still taking place even now. My life will never be the same because God challenged me and transformed me. My love is deeper, more complex, my husband more endearing to me today than ever in the past. But God is far from finished! No, this thing is wide-open and just beginning!!

Thank you Lord for refreshing my marriage. I know it's just the tip of the iceberg, but I pray you would continue your work! PLOUGH OUR HEARTS!

And thus the journey of discovery has begun. I must admit I never dreamed just how amazing this would be. And so, little by little I'm going to share with you just what I've learned the past few years as God has been weaving a new pattern into my tapestry of life! Tomorrow I'll tell you about the Rule of Engagement I found in Sacred Influence.

You Can't Pray Enough

You know, sometimes I feel like the Lord gives me a "kick in the pants" to get me back on track with my prayer life. I get busy...we all get busy right? And sometimes I just don't have the energy to get out of bed early and spend time with the Lord. OUCH! Did I just type that out loud?!?!  Unfortunately, this thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion and it's not a good thing to leave unchecked, that's for sure!

So, recently I was very irritated with my husband. I thought he was overly cranky and that he would just come home from work, plop down in front of his double screen computer corner and spend the remainder of the evening surfing the web for the truck or mac of his dreams. What irritated me most was that I thought he was just feeding discontentment into his life when we are trying hard to settle in here in North Dakota and then become debt free because God has blessed us both with such good paying jobs. About the time when I was ready to blurt out how displeased I was with his actions the Lord threw a road block in my way. I can't even remember what it was but somehow He kept me from saying something completely out of turn and I SOOOOO appreciate His intervention.

Basically the Lord brought me to my knees in prayer for my man. I was so distressed by my hearts response to the whole situation that I could only cry out for God's forgiveness and mercy. I texted my best friend and asked her for prayer as well. The next morning I was up and praying again. Then the most amazing thing happened...

Everything changed. Daryl and I had a full-blown conversation for almost 2 hours!!! Something we haven't had "TIME" for. I never knew God would answer prayer SO quickly! I was so thankful!

God, you have been so good to me. Thank you!

Next time you're frazzled and frustrated - STOP...DROP...PRAY!

WHERE I COME FROM...

Eighteen years ago today I embarked on the most amazing journey life could ever hold. On this day I discovered there was a better way to live life rather than “on my own”. I was not a nice person. I lied, cheated, stole, tore others down to build myself up. I was climbing the corporate ladder and didn’t care that I was sacrificing my family in the process. At that time I had been married 5 years to a wonderful and incredibly patient and understanding man. I was the mother of three beautiful girls ages 8, 2 and 9 months. But I didn’t see how much they needed or wanted me to be a wife and mother. I was completely self-consumed. When I look back at the path I was on, I shudder to think where I would be today. My life would be very different today were it not for His saving grace!

I’m not perfect by any means, but I firmly believe that my life has been greatly enriched and beautifully blessed because 18 years ago I began walking this journey of life hand-in-hand with my two best friends – Jesus and Daryl. From the moment I opened my heart to Him I clung to this verse: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17. I like the New Living Translation of this verse: “At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone, an new life has begun!” (vv. 16-17)

I had made a lot of mistakes in my “old life” and I have made many mistakes since, but somehow He has taken my shortcomings and transformed them into beautiful disasters.

Ephesians sums up my life perfectly:

“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin just like the rest of the world obeying the devil – the commander of the powers of the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved! God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.  So stop telling lies…tell the truth…don’t sin by letting anger control you…if you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead use your hands for good hard work, and give generously…don’t use foul or abusive language, let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember HE HAS IDENTIFIED YOU AS HIS OWN, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:21-31)

I was all the things referenced above. I was consumed by the things of this world and it filled my heart, mind, and actions. Thankfully God saw fit to turn those things around. He literally cleaned house and started fresh. Unfortunately I wasn’t always open to the house cleaning He was doing and it has taken a great number of years to get where I am today. I am fully aware of the fact that I will not be perfected in Christ until I am in His presence. That my willful spirit and blatant disobedience will be a constant challenge and tempt me to do things I know I shouldn’t do. I accept this about myself but I don’t live content in it. I am constantly striving to be more like Christ every day. It is a moment-by-moment decision I choose to make. I desire to “imitate God in everything [I] do.” I desire to “live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.” I try to remember to be thankful and live in the light of His love. I pray that “this light within [me] produces only what is good and right and true.”

It’s been a fantastic journey so far. I am extremely blessed to have a Godly husband and a beautiful family. J I glory in the knowledge that with each rising sun I have another day to live for Him. 

As Fast As You'll Let Me

I've been working hard. A lot harder than I anticipated upon arriving in North Dakota. I'm now back-pedaling trying to slow things down a bit so that my body can catch up with things. I may be feeling better but somehow my poor body isn't keeping up. This can be frustrating but it does remind me of how God has to put up with us and our "pace".
He is deity, we are sinful man.
He is all-knowing, we...haven't got a clue.

I'm sure there are moments where He looks over my life and shakes His head at my stubbornness and stiff necked ways! And other times He chuckles because I "just don't get it!" I am however extremely grateful that He doesn't give up on me. That He persists and teaches me His precepts in a variety of ways until I finally get it. The sad part is that sometimes I get it and then I forget it. What is wrong with me? Why do I force God to have to teach me things over and over again?

Lord, I am truly thankful you don't get frustrated with me the way I get frustrated with my body and how slowly it responds. I pray that someday I will learn to respond more quickly, efficiently and with confidence in You!

LIFE ON THE BAKKEN

It's been exactly two months now that I've been living on the largest Indian reservation of North Dakota in the largest oil field depository of the United States known as "The Bakken".

In my new job I am learning so much about oil fields, riggers, construction, fracking, water tanks (tritons vs atlantis), heavy equipment, drop deck vs high deck trailers, belly dump vs side dump, oversize load permits, road restrictions, tons vs yards, and the list goes on!

There have been complications that have plagued us with our rental house from a non-functioning bathroom (the only bathroom in the 1000 sf house), paint peeling off walls so bad we had to scrape them before we could paint them, plaster walls that don't allow us to hang anything up on them, a furnace that wouldn't light, a water heater that doesn't heat, an oven that heats TOO well that you can't touch the stove when it's on, a back door that was broken into and no longer locks, carpet that you can't get the smell of smoke out of. But we are grateful to have a roof over our heads, the family back together and a place to call home.

Then there was the realization that we are no longer living in the Bible belt. This has been by far the hardest adjustment of all. There are a large number of Lutheran churches in the area and a great deal of Catholic churches, Baptist churches are few and far between and the cross over from Lutheran to Church of Christ is pretty apparent, especially in those that share the Lutheran Pastors. This is a dark place in many ways and if you talk about Jesus you are met with rolling of the eyes and sometimes completely shut down. There is little tolerance for "religion" first with the tribe and very much so on the Bakken.

I was very discouraged when I read this in my morning devotion a couple days ago:
"You will be My mouthpiece in places where there are no other voices to be heard. You will magnify My Name in a dark corner. You will praise Me in a place where others extol men. You will show My love and reality to those who have not as yet experienced My nearness and fellowship in the way you have known Me. I need you as a light to shine in dark places. I have not called you by some fickle whim. HOw will the message go out without a messenger? I have made you My messenger. You will go with winged feet. You will not allow your foot to be bogged down in the mire of earthly cares and riches. You will discharge your duties with dispatch and will deal in wisdom with each responsibility; but your heart will rest in My hand. Your thoughts will return to Me..."   (Come Away My Beloved by Frances Roberts)

This was very convicting and very much a blessing to read. Now comes the hard part...waiting on His direction and leading for our mission here and the church we are to become a part of.

WAITING ON and TRUSTING IN HIM!

Becoming the Helpmate I Should Have Been...

It seems that I have gained a wealth of knowledge since I married my knight in shining armor. The crazy thing is, I have a sneaking suspicion that I have that much more to learn about being married...sad, but true.  I've been studying various passages in my Bible when the Lord recently laid it upon my heart to dig deeper into my role as wife. The crazy thing is, as I have been studying this, I have found that by looking into what he should be I find a clearer picture of what I should be as his wife.

It all started with this passage, [the purpose of Paul's instruction] "that believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience and a genuine faith." (1 Timothy 1:5) I began to evaluate myself to see if I truly love from a pure heart - trying to determine if my heart motives are truly pure or if I am trying to manipulate - that was something early on in my walk with the Lord, about five years into our marriage, that I determined WAS an issue. Manipulation was a huge problem for me. As a matter of fact, I find that women seem to have an innate sense of manipulation within them that needs very little effort to nurture and perfect it. Do I love from a clear conscience? I am thankful to say that the Lord has worked a great deal on me to get me to this point that I truly feel I love with a clear conscience - but it took a lot of work on that part of our Lord to transform my thinking that I may understand how He has truly forgiven me of all my past sins and there was no need to live in the guilt and shame that I was allowing to encompass my heart. God is so good! And finally, does my love come from a genuine faith? I must admit, I'm working on that one!

Further along in Timothy we are taught about roles of women and men. I jotted down the women's roles presented: be modest in appearance, wearing decent and appropriate clothing; not draw attention to ourselves; we are to make ourselves attractive by the good things we do learning quietly and submissively, not teaching or having authority over men, listening quietly, and living in faith, love, holiness and modesty. (1 Timothy 2:9-15)

Chapter 3 tells of how a man who desires to be an Elder of the church should live. I've read this section so many times but it never hit me as it did this time. My initial thoughts involved praying for my husband to aspire to live this way, but then I was convicted that I, as his wife should enable him to live in this manner through my own actions and the way I support him. So my mind has been dwelling on what I should be doing to build him up in this regard.

Here's the list, he must live...
a life above reproach
be faithful to his wife
exercise self control
live wisely
have a good reputation
enjoy having guests in his home
able to teach
not a heavy drinker
not prone to violence
gentle
not quarrelsome
not love money
manage his family well
have children who respect and obey him
must not be a new believer (because they might become proud for the devil may cause him to fall)
people outside of the church must speak well of him.

So now I am going to spend more time dwelling on this. I have thoughts because I have had a life time to work on helping him to become this - but as I meditate on the subject I find that I am severely lacking on my success rate in this area. Not saying he has not lived up to the things listed above, but I AM saying I haven't made it very easy for him. A very hard thing for me to admit to. So I will be spending time in confession, prayer and deeper contemplation and let you know how it goes.

FEELING GROOVY!

It's been about 3 weeks since I started Savella my new Fibromyalgia meds. Beginning this regimen has been the best thing since sliced bread. (no...really!)

The pain from Fibro is manageable, I can think again, I don't have to spend periods of time sitting in my little corner anymore and I feel as though the world is clear again.

On the heels of this diagnosis and new maintenance plan came the diagnosis of a severe Vitamin D deficiency. I started taking a strong dosage of Vit D last week. Within 24 hours I was a new woman! I started to have energy, going up and down the stairs no longer wiped me out. I still have moments where I break out in a sweat and have to stop in my tracks but they're fewer and far between. Not only is the world clear but my head seems to be too. And there are times I actually forget that I have pain...what a blessing!

So after three years of thinking "maybe it is all in my head" and remembering "no it's very real" and watching doctors scratch their heads and ER nurses thinking I'm crazy...I now know that I can feel "normal" again. However redefined it may be it's no longer looking like it has to be a tremendous overhaul of lifestyle to obtain. I will say that my maintenance plan includes several facets not just the drugs or supplements. Having explored many avenues - it's finally looking like I've found the sunny side of the street!

A FIRM DIAGNOSIS

After almost three years of medical mystery it looks as though we have a firm diagnosis! My new rheumatologist reran all the blood work testing for autoimmune diseases - the standard ANA (autoimmune antibody) test has been positive for the past two years. Nobody told me it could "go away." This time it came back NEGATIVE! Must mean that slowly but surely my body is healing! This ruled out Sjogren's Syndrome and Autoimmune Hepatitis! Leaving us with the firm diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and a confirmed Vitamin D deficiency.

Now, the Vitamin D was an interesting thing. You see, I'm on medication that tells me I shouldn't spend much time in the sun. I am also lactose intolerant which means my consumption of Vitamin D fortified milk is virtually none. I also have an odd "defect" called Fructose Malabsorption. Which means anything with fructose in it my body can't process - that includes Vitamin D fortified orange juice. So my best option for Vitamin D consumption would be salmon. I think I can manage that. Just need to learn how to cook it well.

This Vitamin D deficiency explains A LOT! My pain in my joints, etc is very likely caused by this, my thankfully short bout with depression is connected and the scariest is that my blood pressure has been high - combined with the Vit D deficiency it's a recipe for a heart attack. No wonder the Rheumatologist was so angry with my doctor for not taking it seriously and putting me on something to lower it. Not that it's going to be fixed overnight, I'm still having twinges of chest pain and my blood pressure seems to fluctuate between prehypertension and hypertension, but I'm doing so much better.

The wonderful news of finally having a diagnosis and an aggressive Rheumatologist that I finally feel is "on my side"helps me have more HOPE. I am on ONE medication for the Fibromyalgia called Savella. It seems to be helping a lot and my blood pressure is going down now that I'm no longer taking Cymbalta or Tramadol. I am going the supplement route. And I am hopeful for a plan that will allow me to lead a relatively normal life. Sure there are days where the pain may be just too much to deal with but then it's just "DAYS" not weeks, months, etc.

In today's devotional I find I am dealing with overcoming. Overcoming my selfishness, my impatience, my attitude, my plans, my designs for my future, my desires, my flesh. Galatians 2:20 speaks well to this, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." God never intended to please our self-life, He wants to bring that to crucifixion, namely because it is a huge hindrance to our spiritual walk. If too much self is consuming us, there's no room for God and His Spirit to guide, direct and flow through me to others. In Come Away My Beloved, Frances Roberts shares, "Faith I can give you as a gift, but the works I can do through you only when your ego moves out of the way." Ouch...ego. She also gives a reminder that they are not MY works but HIS.  "There is an enemy to be contested and defeated; and to do this, there must be more than resolve in your heart - there must be power. This power cannot operate until your self-will is out of the way...I know you cannot do this for yourself but you must will it to be done. And as you will it, I will work with you and within you to bring it to pass."

This is my prayer, may the Lord work this out in my heart and help me distinguish my flesh from my spirit and to live a contentedly humble life.

I NEED HIM...A LOT!!!

Some days I think I need Him more than He will ever know. Today happened to be one of those days. I am in North Dakota - job hunting. I desperately want to reunite our family! I have missed our family dinners, our giggle sessions, our family time. It's horrible to think how much I took that for granted! So, here I am applying for everything I can find - and it seems if you talk to enough people you find plenty. That is good!

But this morning had nothing really to do with job hunting and everything to do with physical pain. My body just does this sometimes. It can be very irritating. I might be sleeping peacefully one moment and awake and dealing with screaming pain in muscles nobody realizes they have. That's when I have to pull myself out of bed and walk around for a bit then sit in the recliner or on the couch. Going back to bed really isn't an option, just magnifies the pain. Fortunately, it didn't hit until 5:30 this morning so I had 6 hours of sleep! A praise to be sure!

As the morning progressed and I pulled myself out of my slump, I changed my focus to Grandma as I watched her shuffle herself from the kitchen to her recliner. You can hear her heavy sighs as her earthly body groans with each passing day. Yet you never hear a word from her regarding her physical health. I offer to drive her to her eye appointment. She says I don't need to go with her but I assure her I want to. As we walk out the door she hands me the keys. It's as I crawl into her luxury vehicle that I realize my feet don't reach the pedals. SERIOUSLY!! She is sitting next to me asking if I want to sit on her cushion and I laugh and tell her I need to put it behind me so I can reach the pedals! She chuckles too. At her appointment they take her right back and I'm sitting in the waiting room. An older gentleman comes and sits there. His name...Daryl...yep! We talk about Stanley and farming for a bit then I feel compelled to ask him if he knows of any houses available in town that we might rent for a time while we get our land in order and our house built. He shares that his mother has just moved to an apartment because her home was too much for her 93 year-old body to manage. Stella, his mom, doesn't know if she wants to rent or sell, so I suggest rent to us and give her time to get used to the idea of selling. Daryl thinks it's a great idea and takes my phone number then gives me the address and his phone. It's a small house but, it has three bedrooms a living room, family room, kitchen and one bath. That's all we need to get by for now! Then we talk more about my desire to find a job and he tells me to go to the Farmers Union. They need lots of people. He gives me the name of the general manager and says to go over right away today because the GM is leaving on vacation for 10 days starting tomorrow and then has knee surgery. So I call the GM, he's booked solid. He tells me to meet the Controller, gives me her name and asks me to stop by. SMALL TOWNS! I love this place! After I meet with the controller and drop off my resume, I walk over to the new credit union in town to get information for setting up an account. I am greeted by a diamond in the rough - a young woman who has relocated to the area and never had a bank job (the difference in her attire from the other two women in the bank makes it very apparent.) As we talk I ask if they're hiring. The girl shares that they are needing people and gives me the email address for the hiring manager. So I get home and email him my information. Cool thing is he's willing to train anyone willing to work for them. They're just desperate for quality employees around here! The girls will do well once they get here!

In a bit I'm back at the house and the pain becomes consuming again. Then I'm sitting and wondering why I didn't seem to notice it while I was visiting with people. Then I realize that I was fellowshipping. There are many forms but this particular form of getting to know others is so good for helping me shift my focus. I've decided to test out my fellowship theory during those dark early morning hours when I can't even sit because of the pain. I have been downloading some music that speaks to me and I will fellowship with the Lord and turn the darkness into light.

I am so thankful for the new adventure we're on. I'm thankful for the unidentified chronic illnesses I'm dealing with. But more than that I'm thankful for family and friends who provide so much encouragement and prayer support as I walk this path! OH...and I'm thankful for Stanley, North Dakota friendliness!!!

MORE THAN CONQUERERS!

I'm sitting in North Dakota in Grandma's family room listening to the steady breathing of she and my husband as they take their Sunday afternoon naps. It's quiet here. Just the breathing and the ticking of the grandfather clock to keep me company. Alone with my thoughts I am drawn back to my last two days of devotions. They have been intense calls not only to worship but to action.

I have long desired to write, to create devotional books that would form desires in the readers hearts to know more, not about me, about Him. I have thought that I would like my writing style to maybe match the format and style of Beth Moore - for many years my inspiration. Yet as I am reading through Come Away My Beloved, I am feeling more and more compelled to write as Frances J. Roberts wrote. Her words a soothing balm to the Christian warriors war torn life, she pulls you to the feet of Jesus where you bask in His sweet gentle embrace. What a precious gift she has, how wonderful that she should glorify God so fully with it. This is my desire, to be able to not only draw someone in but lead them fully and completely into His presence.

Let me just share a few lines from the most recent devotions I've been reading...

As I have been reading the section entitled "Learn to Reign" which I believe should have been three different devotionals, the first of which I would have entitled, "More than Conquerers" - it's from this section that I will be quoting but first you'll need a little background. This part of the devotional is talking about our battle against Satan. It is noted that as soldiers going into battle we would not enter without preparation, ample ammunition, and intensive training. God does not expect us to meet our adversary ill-equipped or unarmed, but He does not want us to think it's some sort of magic either. She reminds us, from Jesus' perspective that "He is not out to torment. He is out to destroy, not to hurt you, but to crush you. Your strength is no match for him. You must learn how to lay claim to the throne of God. I have met him and won already as I hung on the cross. Now YOU must find the way of victory yourselves...do not cry out to Me in the hour of crisis and distress as though I would extend some miracle in answer to prayer. Of course I do answer prayer and I can perform miracles and bring deliverance, but if I do this, I have only rescued one of My own out of trouble while you have won no victory at all!"

I had never thought about the battles or struggles we face as being training grounds for victories in Christ. I haven't realized the extent to which God will go in order to provide the training we need. I am, however, grateful for His faithfulness to me and that He will NOT just leave me hanging in these instances.

I want to be MORE than just a conquerer though. I want to leave a footprint. I realize I'm no more than a player and not even a "headliner" in this thing we call life. My impact in this world will be small to be sure, but I also want it to be MIGHTY. Can I accomplish this? Is this even remotely possible? Well, the path I am currently on will provide some answers sometime down the road. Until then I shall remember that my strength, which is severely lacking at this time in my life, is not what I should be living on. I must seek Him, living in His strength for I have not the strength to even get up most mornings let alone walk this road of moving to North Dakota, dealing with Fibromyalgia and the possibility of Autoimmune Hepatitis or Sjogren's Syndrome or both. God is mighty to save, He is my Rock, my Redeemer, my Fortress, my Strength!