REFLECTIONS - My Amazing 48th Year of Life

As the clock ticks down to my last moments of my 48th year of life I have been reflecting on the past year. It has been a crazy year - one of huge transitions, milestone moments, leaping into unknown territory and making memories. It was a year with moments of frightful disillusionment, turmoil and stress. It was a year of branching out - making new friends, reconnecting with old friends, jumping into ministry opportunities and business opportunities. I have learned so much this year alone - my cup overflows with the goodness (and some of the not so good that has shaped me and molded me.)

ONE OF THE GREATEST BLESSINGS FOR MY 48th year of life was the addition of the first grandson to the family. Andrew - your first few months of life were precarious. But through your trial and our pain we were drawn closer as a family and drawn closer to God. There were literally hundreds of people all over the world praying for you little guy and you came through and now you're thriving! What a special gift you are precious boy! This Nonna loved the opportunity to spend extra time with all of her grand babies. Spending time with Hannah-bear and Abby-tabby and Beth and Brandon were moments I will treasure forever. I wish we lived closer and had more time to be with them - but cherish every chance we have to be together.

Another major transition that came into our lives were these added family members...

The #puppychronicle stars! Ridley the smart and talented border collie (Jon & Kenzi's baby) and her faithful side-kick Sadie (mine and Daryl's) the uniquely gorgeous husky eyed, german shepherd sized, blue heeler coated, retriever mix (aka mutt). The two are inseparable growing up together - we spent many cold afternoons together in the kitchen - them napping while I worked. They have incredible personalities and character and they are both so lovable. I struggled with dogs and suddenly there were two in our lives. It was definitely a graced-filled learning curve for me. BUT well worth every moment, every nip, scratch and kiss. They have come into their own a little more and could probably use a bit of intensive training - but they are the sweetest pair I know. And though they challenge us by occasionally running off - we are still crazy enough to think we need to add one more sibling to the mix so we are taking in Sadie's brother from a later litter - enter Ryder...

This chunk o' love will be joining the family in September! Cannot wait!!!!

In addition to all these moments here is a list of interesting moments - because the blessings are so numerous for this year - I just HAVE to share!!!

1. Having Josh Duhamel photo bomb our family photo shoot. YES INDEED! lol

2. Celebrating 25 amazing years of marriage to my best friend, the most amazing father, the hardest working man I know and the love of my life. 

3. Having the privilege of being present when my 2nd oldest daughter got engaged to a very sweet guy!

4. Watching my baby girl grow up as she branched off on her own to go through an aesthetician program - that she aced and is now licensed in. 

5. Having Bailey-girl move back and choose ND over AZ. Not gonna lie - I love it!!

6. Spending Christmas with family in different places. It was so weird - yet we survived.

7. Praising God for his protection over Bailey when she was traveling back to ND. 

8. Discovering Underarmor long under garment hunting gear. TOASTY!!!

9. Seeing God's hand in my job situation and how He had been working out the transition before I even knew I was supposed to change jobs. 

10. Managing to get through my first full semester of college with passing grades. 

11. FaceTime with the grandchildren.

12. How God provided the house we were renting for Jon and Kenzi's future home. 

13. Beginning the process of buying a house to move out on the farm and having God protect our funds when the initial builder went bankrupt. 

14. Finding an incredible health and wellness program that has turned Daryl's life around - helping him lose 45 pounds and gain back balance, energy and good sleep. 

15. Making new friends through the new job and the new health and wellness opportunity.

16. Finding the game Cashflow. Life changing you should try it! 

17. Having Sara move home for the interim. So good having her here! 

18. Leading praise team occasionally since our other leader had a precious baby girl of her own! 

19. Having a health crash that scared the dickens out of me but led me to a local chiropractor who's done an amazing job with getting things worked out. 

20. Planning a wedding...watching wine bottle labels skillfully removed and glitter paint applied. (there's way more to the wedding than that but you can join us in September and see all the work that's gone into this event.)

21. Planning and pulling off a purity conference in another state with the help of my boss - Katie Vert  and my dear friend from back in the Wray, CO days - Sheila DiPippo! 

22. Building some deep and beautiful friendships with some of the ladies from my church family. Something I've longed for since moving to ND and now God's fulfilling that need.

23. Receiving a ministry opportunity with my church home that is literally the desire of my heart. I am so excited and equally terrified by this leadership position.

24. Hoping I am gracefully going gray. Deciding to quit dying my hair may seem trivial to some - but it's a pivotal moment in a woman's life. Seriously folks - this takes a lot of deep contemplation - until you realize the financial savings - then it's a no-brainer. 

25. WE ARE MOVING TO THE FARM - well the RANCH. 

This October 2015 we will officially be living at Buffalo Hills Ranch. WOOT WOOT!

Chickens, cows, buffalo and more to come next spring. 

In essence - I live a very incredibly charmed life. Through the trials and the storms - I have so much to be thankful for they far outweigh the discomforts of life. I can honestly say - I'm looking live out my final year in my forties with great gusto...tons of enthusiasm...and a stronger more intentional focus on my Savior. I long to deepen that relationship and have His grace, mercy and love flow freely through me into the lives of everyone I come in contact with! 

If you think of me - send up a prayer for my 49th year on this earth.

May it be filled with rejoicing and praise! 

Thank you dear friends!

GOD BLESS!

GOAL SETTING - Why I think EVERYBODY should have GOALS

I hadn't thought about GOALS much...for many years I didn't even realize how important they were. Then, one year I began to understand their value and the need - so I tried it out. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. I wrote out my personal and spiritual goals for myself and my desires for my family.  Then I forgot about them. The crazy things was - at the end of the year...they always seemed to resurface and lo and behold - the majority were either completed, accomplished or darn close. 

I wasn't a huge believer in this until I went back to work and was "forced" to establish professional goals. That's where the rubber met the road. I had to think long and hard and figure out how to attain the goals I was setting for myself because I didn't want to fail at my job. That's where I figured out one thing...

I was amazed at this concept that great leaders don't set out to be a leader...THEY SET OUT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE and that's exactly what I wanted to do! I did well but was always frustrated because there were times I felt I couldn't measure up to someone's expectations no matter how hard I tried. That's when the idea of "gumption" began to develop within me. Yea - it's a bit of a hick word but it really describes my development in that area. NEVER QUIT became my motto - for whatever I was working on - whether it be home, work, ministry, you name it. I was DERAILED many times - but always got back on track as quick as I could. That diligence was blessed and built tons of character!

That is when I discovered how important planning was - a GOAL is just a GOAL if you don't give it feet. Breaking down a goal is vital to accomplishing them. But more than that - having the GOAL gave me focus!

We all have to live for something. We all need direction in life or we are just spinning our wheels going nowhere. I learned that I needed these goals to keep me on the right track.

Side note here...I love to dive into projects head on, wholeheartedly. I love to offer my gifts and talents when they're needed. My problem was I was diving in to so many different areas with no set goals or agenda. They were all awesome, fantastic causes but I stretched myself too thin and my family felt the pinch! AND the crazy thing was all those hours of work were not leading me in any certain direction. I was just treading water trying to stay afloat! That's when I began to realize that...

THIS WAS THE DIRECTION I WAS GOING. It wasn't pretty! All areas of my life were suffering and I started to feel like I was cheating on everyone. All of this chaos was causing so much stress on my physical body that it finally crashed - all activities ceased including being a wife and mother, working outside the home, ministry work, praise team, you name it. I was completely devoid of any strength or energy - all I could do was remind myself to breathe.

While I was bed-ridden and out of the rat race, I began to slowly evaluate where I was going with my life. What I found was I had goals - but not solid plan on how to get there. My plan for all intents and purposes was a solid plan leading to a breakdown and that was all. SO...I knew I had to change the plan. I didn't like where I had landed - but I can honestly say - I am THANKFUL that God stopped me in my tracks.

As I began to review my life and where it was going I began to see the discord that was being created because my husband and I were going different directions. It wasn't healthy and it was driving us apart not bringing us together. That's when I gave up on what I thought were my dreams and turned everything over to God. I began to dream WITH my husband and changed my focus and my plan. Again - the Goal never changed, but how I was attaining it did. This time I included my husband in my goals and dream making plans. It led us to places I never dreamt I would go - but I am loving the journey and making it hand-in-hand with my love! In this place - later in life - is where we discovered thankfully that...

 SO HONESTLY...EVERYBODY should have goals - you don't want to maneuver this life at random - everyone has an innate desire to accomplish great things! AND YOU CAN!

My next post will focus in on the nuts and bolts of goal setting...but until then - go ahead...

DEALING WITH INVISIBLE ILLNESS

I have an invisible illness. Actually I have a couple invisible illnesses.

The problem is when they act up we are never really sure which one it is. A week ago I landed in the ER because of a flare. I don't know if it was the Lyme's disease or if it was the fibromyalgia. All I know is that my left side of my body hurt...horribly.

When it comes to invisible illness, I don't really talk about it much. It's not that I want to ignore it, it's not that I don't want others to understand, it's more of the fact that it's simply part of my life. It's the part of my life that I don't always appreciate. It's the part of my life that I would love to be able to forget. But that's not how this works.



So when I have a flare, I try to be transparent and let people know that it's not a bed of roses over here. I try to be open and ask for prayer for strength. That strength could be literal, physical strength, because when I have a flare it usually zaps me of all strength. That strength is also emotional, mental, strength because when I have a flare and I am left with a body that doesn't want to function properly, I wrestle with those thoughts that often plague my weakened state of mind. Thoughts like I am worthless, I am a nuisance, I am a pain to those around me. Crazy thoughts, senseless thoughts, but honest things that cross the mind of one who feels like her body has betrayed her.

It takes diligence and mindfulness not to let an invisible illness define you, set your limitations and become the main preoccupation of your daily life. There are days where I think that I am never going to be normal again. Well...it's true. And I must accept that my life just isn't normal and that's okay. But to let it drag me down and leave me depressed (which it has done in the past) and leave me despondent (a place I've been in the past as well)...I just don't want to go there.

There's so much life to live still, regardless of how much pain you're in, regardless of how heavy your arms and legs feel, regardless of how fuzzy your brain may be functioning at the moment. When my eyes are on Him, I still have hope, joy and peace.

So I guess the best way I have found to deal with invisible illness is turning to the greatest balm I have found in the wake of each storm...seeking and finding rest for my soul in the Lord's gentle care. Granted, having family that understands, family that knows when they need to boss me around a bit to get me to do what I should be doing in order to heal from an episode is a huge blessing!!! I am one fortunate woman to have family that can tell when I've pushed beyond my limits and when I need to drop everything and let my body catch up with me.

It's not easy, I know this full well. But it's worth every anxious breath, every pain-filled moment of every incredibly blessed day! Maybe someday I will figure out how to share about this invisible illness stuff, but for now, I choose to share it with my Comforter.

And in case you're wondering how I'm doing...I'm better than I was a week ago. I'm still in a good deal of pain, I haven't recovered my coordination and I am dragging my body around these days, but I am functioning...and I'm still smiling! :)