BECOMING A MISSY FRANKLIN

There's a lot we can learn from young people! It's always been said that we can learn from older people but there are some amazing young people out there who display WAY more maturity than some adults I know. This is seen in the life of Missy Franklin. An ordinary girl with an incredible gift. That's how her family has approached her celebrity life. Missy has been blessed with an athletic gift for swimming. She has accomplished an amazing feat at the 2012 Olympics winning the Gold last night. But more than that she has made some choices in her life that have allowed her to remain humble and from some perspectives a "normal teenager". This is a compliment to her parents and how they have raised their daughter. For a 16 year old girl to make the decision to remain with her family while training for the Olympics is huge. For her to choose to stay in school and maintain her friend group and not isolate herself while preparing for this was thought by some to be insane. But Missy knew something that many of us forget - she knew she needed the support of not only her family and her coach but also her friends. Missy knew she wanted the love and community support of other believers behind her. God gave this young girl wisdom beyond her years and has enabled her to accomplish great things and she has given Him the glory.

Being a wife and mother of four and recently relocating to North Dakota - I'm realizing just how important it is to have that friend group, that core support of fellow believers that keeps you going. I am seeing just how hard it is when you are isolated and have to rely on JUST your family - not that this is a bad thing, but it IS difficult. There are days where I've watched us all be a bit irritated and "tired" of each other - but at the end of the day, we're grateful for one another. I think it's vitally important that we all remember just how much we need to be encouragers of one another. We need to be willing to set ourselves aside for the larger good and let God work. If you watch Missy's various interviews you will hear she and her parents talk about the choices they made. Choices that kept a young woman grounded and has allowed her to achieve great things. Choices NOT to accept sponsorships in order that this young woman could remain on her high school swim team. She didn't want to be a solo act.

As a husband and wife TEAM is important as well. As a family unit TEAM is important. None of us can or should go solo. God created us for fellowship. God created us to worship Him in fellowship, not as a solo act. As sinful human beings we are naturally geared towards selfishness and the "it's all about me" mentality. Next time you feel yourself being drawn that direction - think about being more like a Missy Franklin and be a blessing to others! Thank God for your husband and your family  because you are not alone. Take time to praise God for your church family, your friends, your support He's placed in your life! You never know, someday you might find yourself in the middle of nowhere North Dakota and be reminded just how much you should appreciate them. It's been a good reminder for me, one that I will not soon forget or take for granted.

COMMUNICATION TAKES EFFORT

One of the craziest things about being married is finding out that Daryl and I don't speak the same language. We went along for about 18 years without even realizing this was part of our problem. Then one day I was reading the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerich and it all became too clear! In his book Eggerich talks about the guy wearing blue hearing aids and the woman wearing pink ones or having blue and pink glasses. The day after I read this section on language barriers was my birthday. Daryl, who always works hard to provide for us, was debating on going to work (on a Saturday). I wanted him to go with the girls and I - we were just going to go to Longhorn's for a chocolate stampede.

This happened to be my all-time favorite dessert (still would be if I could eat it!) Anyway, on my insistence Daryl relented about going to work and reluctantly joined us for our trip to Longhorn. In the car we were both pretty sullen. I attempted to diffuse the situation using my newly acquired communication tactics. SO...I began to try to explain to Daryl about blue and pink hearing aids. I suggested his blue hearing aids were interpreting my request as "I want to go SPEND money and eat some cake at an expensive restaurant" while in the back of his mind he is thinking, "that means I need to go work a couple extra hours to cover the cost of this outing." And that in my mind I was thinking, "I want to spend time as a family and celebrate my birthday but I'm going to compromise eating an entire meal out and just go share this dessert and experience the fun we have while devouring something delectable."

I can't say that my attempts at communication were successful and it has taken a great deal of practice since that time to get to where we actually are communicating on the same "plane" and this doesn't always happen now - 4 years later. BUT - it definitely diffused the situation and we were able to go and enjoy the outing together with our children.

I think the greatest lesson I learned was that we really CANNOT read each others minds! I don't know why we even think we can. I have had many opportunities where I've had to call a "time out" and we have had to hash out our communications and line of thinking in order to get to the root of why a discussion was causing conflict. The amazing thing is now we are willing to discuss it, work through it and actually come to an understanding, whereas before, we would just clam up and stew about it and let it brood. This caused so much pain in our marriage! I highly recommend the book Love and Respect as an excellent tool for building a solid foundation of communication between a husband and wife. If you haven't read it - it's worth the resources of time and money to do so - TOGETHER!

Communication truly does take a TON of effort - but in the end it plays a key role in the strength of a marriage that is going to last!

SO LONG STATUS QUO! CAN MARRIAGES REALLY LAST??

“Cohabitation is increasingly becoming the first co-residential union formed among young adults."  This Cohabitating Study indicated that these marriages MIGHT last anywhere from 10-20 years. 

The "What's love got to do with it?" study estimates that a quarter of relationships will end within six years and 50 per cent by 25 years. 

One of the most disconcerting things for me about today's society is how commonplace it is for most relationships to take on the following progression - meet, date one or two times, have sex, move in together, get tired of each other and move out or maybe in about eight or ten years consider marriage. More alarming is how many cohabitating couples openly admit they will not marry because they're pretty sure they are not living with "the one." 

I am not here to condemn those who have chosen this lifestyle. I am really just wanting to encourage those who might be considering going against the "norm" and choose not to have sex before marriage. Those who choose not to cohabitate but may be looking for an alternative to societal status quo. 

You see, I am out to change the status quo because I too, as the case may be, did everything the way it is done today. I met my husband, at the time I was already divorced and had a child so we didn't even think waiting was necessary, we planned to move in together out of convenience (because we couldn't afford two apartments between the time I relocated to his area and the we could plan our wedding) and I justified it by getting engaged. Both of us came from families where both our parents had been together for many years and had not lived together. Both of us had grown up with religious up-bringing. Both of us had made bad decisions after high school that led to a ton of emotional baggage being brought into our marriage. My being divorced, having a child from another marriage, our living together before marriage - all were a recipe for disaster. Statistically we should have been divorced about 12 years ago - had our marriage been the "norm" we should have divorced at the 7-10 year mark and most definitely we will be divorced by our 25th Wedding Anniversary. But here's where the grace of God comes in. You see, at 5 years marriage and an additional 2 children later - were it not for the grace of God we most likely would have divorced. BUT GOD (I love when the Bible says this!) transformed my heart and my marriage and began to show us a better way! God began to place within both our hearts a desire to be committed to one another through thick and thin. He transformed our thinking to where we began to take our wedding vows seriously and began searching for something more than just cohabitation. Sounds strange since we were married and not just "cohabitating" but when you enter into a marriage from cohabitation it's hard to make the transition. Wedding vows are serious stuff but when the going gets tough they pale in the light of Hollywood standards and before we know it we're thinking we are no longer "in love" and looking for it in all the wrong places. 

As I have seriously studied what it takes to make a marriage last I have determined that my desire for my daughters would be to have them take an alternative route on the road less traveled. My heart's desire for them would be to eliminate some of those "marriage killer" statistical challenges and encourage them to go about the business of marriage from an unconventional direction. Our plan looks something like this...(Keep in mind we have all girls and this is from that perspective)

They've met someone they're are attracted to, before they get too emotionally attached or consider dating, bring him home to meet the parents. If at that time there are no red flags, then Dad and Mom will meet with the young man and discuss the Johnson family approach to "dating". Initially we request both our daughter and the young man define dating and with a clear understanding of the meaning of boundaries - create their boundaries for their relationship. If they both have mentors or strong Christian friends nearby we encourage them to set up accountability partners that will hold them to the boundaries they have implemented. (If they don't have that support network then her Dad and I become the accountability partners.) Boundaries are not unchanging - as the relationship progresses they are constantly redefined to hold the couple to their commitment of spiritual, emotional and physical purity. The intent of their dating relationship is to determine if this indeed is the person God has chosen for them to live out the rest of their lives with. 

Some questions to consider would be - Does this person assist me in deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ?  Does this person build me up? How does this person interact with my family? Are there any red flags I'm ignoring or justifying about our relationship? Is the attraction more than just physical? Do I place unrealistic expectations on this person - expectations that only Christ can fulfill? Does this person respect the boundaries in place or challenge them? Does my relationship cause me to be at odds with my family? (A great book to use during latter stages of this part of the relationship is 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged)

There is a natural progression from here - if this person is found to be their future spouse. While keeping with the boundaries, the couple moves from the point of "dating or courtship or dateship" whatever you want to call it - to becoming engaged. At this point questions asked become deeper and the focus is not just wedding planning but preparation for marriage. For the couple we recommend marriage preparation classes or going through the study Before You Say, "I Do", read the book Sacred Marriage, as well as going through a financial planning course by Dave Ramsey (Financial Peace University).

This is not the time to let boundaries and accountability slide - this is the time where the couple would "pick up their game" and keep their eye on the "finish line." On the day of their wedding they would exchange vows that they take very seriously and commit not only to love and to cherish from this day forward till death do they part but also commit not to get divorced. It's a bit of a foreign concept and maybe even superstition that would drive a couple NOT to even mention the word "divorce" on their wedding day but committing before God and family and friends to stay together forever with divorce not being an option, solidifies in a person's mind just how serious a commitment this truly is.  

But "being married" is not the end of this journey - no, it's just the beginning! It takes work to remain faithful, committed and true to the one you marry! Believe me, we've been working on this and one of the most rewarding things about marriage has been waking up every morning and being able to look at my man and realize how God has brought us together and how amazing it is that God has infused my heart with so much love for him. Since the day I allowed the Lord to come into my life and transform my heart, there has never been a time that I haven't pursued a deeper more Christ-centered marriage. Falling "out of love" is an emotionally based marriage. Loving without limits is foundation to a deeply committed, Christ-centered one. Daryl and I feel truly blessed to be in a marriage that will last "until death do us part." SO LONG STATUS QUO! :)

WORKING THROUGH TRIALS IN YOUR LIFE

If there’s one thing I believe we all struggle with it’s the trials or difficulties that come with life. Sometimes it seems there’s no end to the trials we may be dealing with. They can be discouraging, they can bring despair and depression. But there is one thing I’ve found that has helped me significantly through my trials and that would be FOCUS. When I’m struggling in life and I feel myself spiraling downwards in self-pity or consumed with a trial rather than walking in joy, I have to adjust my focus.

This past Sunday, Turning Point, a Dr. David Jeremiah broadcast was all about trials. Entitled “What to do When the Heat’s Turned Up” – I found this very encouraging and wanted to share a few points from it:

Using James 1:1-12, his first point was:

CELEBRATE THE REASON BEHIND YOUR TRIALS
A trial could be financial strain, loss of job, death in family, relationship problems, health issues, job stress, or simply exhaustion. From the outset of James’ letter – he discusses some key words. The first word is WHEN. James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy WHEN (not IF!) you fall into many trials.”

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TRIALS. But we need to remember to respond to our trial from God’s perspective and realize it’s being used by God to produce something valuable in us.

The second word is COUNT or CONSIDER in the Greek this word means “think forward.” When you find yourself in the midst of trials take a moment and fast forward in your mind to what God is up to and REJOICE in what He’s going to do within and through you as you walk through this trial. Deal with it by seeing what God is up to.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

Jesus looked forward to the results of His sacrifice and found joy in it which gave Him the strength to finish out the journey.

CALCULATE THE JOY IN YOUR TRIALS
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face testing or trials of many kinds, because you that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3 PERSEVERANCE is also PATIENCE however, patience is not sitting back and letting things just happen, it’s doing what God has called us to do regardless of the circumstances. Do what we ought to do even though the expected result is not there. Trials produce within us durability and maturity. Without durability in trials believers can’t grow up.  “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.” James 1:4 How do we become mature? By going through stuff. God uses the irritations to grow us up in Him! This puts muscle in our spiritual being so we can say, “I know that I know that I know my God is enough in the midst of all things!” He is going to teach us durability and help us look at life through the lens of reality.

CALL UPON GOD’S RESOURCES IN YOUR TRIALS
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5 Just go and ask him! He will give wisdom to us liberally without reproach.

God is good! (and the source of our wisdom) In James 1:17 it states, “every good and perfect gift comes from God.” He is the God of wisdom (Job 12:13, Job 28:23, Proverbs 2:6, Ephesians 1:17) He will help us figure it out and know what to do.

God is generous. James 1:5 – he gives to us liberally. God reaches down from heaven and stretches out to give us what we need.

God is gracious. James 1:5 – he gives without reproach. Ever had to go to God several times about the same thing? Have you apologized for it? God is never insulted by our coming to him over and over again with the needs of our heart! He is NEVER insulted and won’t scold us for coming. Don’t ever use the excuse, “I already asked once and hate to go back again.” God wants us to come back again. (I am personally guilty of this next point that Dr. Jeremiah makes…) The last person we ask about what we’re going through is the only person who can give any real insight into the issue – that’s God!! (I am really “good at” going to my husband, my daughters, my friends, my mentor, but my last stop had always been GOD – this practice continued in my life for several years until I realized what I was doing and began making a more concentrated effort to shift my focus and begin ASKING GOD FIRST!) Cut through all the lower layers and go straight to the top! God is willing and longing to help us. But, don’t come lacking in faith…don’t be double minded (James 1:8). Come to God as our ONLY option not ONE of our options. We need to concentrate and focus on what HE says and not what others have told us. Let the other stuff go.

CONSIDER YOUR REACTIONS TO YOUR TRIALS (James 1:9-10)
When we’re going through stuff we will discover that trials and testing even the playing field. They are the same for the rich as the poor. There’s no rich version of cancer or poor version – it hits everybody the same. When you’re going through trouble understand God is using this and may use it to exalt you. He loves to lift up the humble.

CONTEMPLATE THE REWARDS OF THE TRIALS
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of glory that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12 Trials are linked to our future to prepare us for what He wants to do for us. We must face our difficulties by honoring the Lord.

God uses them to create spiritual pearls in our lives.

What is He up to in you? Ask Him what it is He wants you to learn and how he wants you to grow in the midst of all this! If you know Jesus, you know God is enough!

I’ve been dealing with some health trials in my life that tend to weigh heavy on my heart, but since moving to North Dakota it seems the intensity of other trials around me have become even greater than my health issues. I have had to adjust my focus on all fronts and God’s been reminding me time and time again to bring set them before Him.  It is not easy. It’s not fun. But…it is worth it!!! I have grown exponentially through it all and am LOOKING FORWARD to the lessons that are coming just around the corner.

So…with all that in mind…what is God up to in your life?!?!