Being a bit older, I have always viewed my positions with various companies in the bakken as more of a "den mother" type of job. Although my first boss was the same age as my husband, he looked and acted more like he was 20. I was often irritated by the men we employed and their blatant oogling of the women in our office (who just so happened to be my daughters.) It was during this initial job that I realized the need to develop my position in the area of professionalism, workplace boundaries, etc. It started initially with having to create a no-profanity zone. YEP! Some steps to affair proofing your marriage in the workplace can be simply put...
NO CUSSING
NO FLIRTING
NO BASHING
NO TEXTING
NO BOUNDARY CROSSING
1) NO CUSSING - WATCH YOUR WORDS.
Not only did I establish a no-profanity zone. I watched how I spoke with those around me. Words have a profound impact and will determine whether the other person will respect you and your position or lump you in as "one of the guys." In a place where cursing flows like a river - it's almost expected, however, it's refreshing when someone can hold a conversation where every other word doesn't start with F. I found that one person can set that tone in an office. There were many occasions where one guy would slip and four would apologize to me for it. It's much like the difference between a woman and a lady. I much prefer being treated LIKE A LADY.
2) NO FLIRTING - WATCH YOUR INNUENDO.
Body language, actions, eye contact...all these send messages. You can be confusing when you are too playful. What you may dub as teasing, may be misconstrued by others and you really need to watch that. There are ways to joke and tease but it should never be at the expense of another person's reputation or integrity. It should always be kept on a professional level, not personal. When you cross the personal boundaries you may be interpreted as giving a green light. Guys aren't always on the prowl but conquest is high in their manly genes - so when you flirt, you are opening up a quest for the guy to simply see how far he can get with this verbal jousting. If there's any chemistry at all SHUT IT DOWN!
3) NO BASHING - WATCH YOUR RESPECTFULNESS.
Bashing comes in many forms - whether it's bashing co-workers, bosses or spouses, it should never happen. It starts with how you speak about your husband and can have a huge impact on how the guys around you respond. If you speak respectfully of your husband, they will respect you AND your marriage in return. Men desire respect and a woman who respects her husband seems rare at times. Don't join in on the office gossip and bash your employer or other employees - this is blatantly unprofessional! More than that, don't air your dirty laundry or discontent at home, you are opening yourself up for more than you bargain for and what you may get will only be heartache and pain. There are guys out there who are more than willing to make you feel special and lure you in, but they aren't there for the long haul - they are there once again for the quest. Once they have you, they typically dump you and leave you holding the shattered pieces of your broken heart and your broken marriage. Rather than air your disgruntled-ness PRAY ABOUT IT.
4) NO TEXTING - WATCH YOUR AFTER HOURS INTERACTIONS
Texting is becoming more commonplace at work. It's something that facilitates communication - or does it? Sometimes a text may be misconstrued and you must really watch what you say and how personal you get with them. There's less of a filter when texting so we are less inhibited by the constraints of the office. I've been on the receiving end of some declarations of great interest in a more intimate relationship via text. My responses were repetitive declarations of how happily married and unavailable I am. Along with that I shared these texts with my husband so that he knew there was nothing going on and never doubted my faithfulness to him. Once again, if texting goes anything beyond professionalism SHUT IT DOWN - switch to email only and keep it business oriented.
5) NO BOUNDARY CROSSING - WATCH YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
When I switched jobs and found myself the only woman working for a trucking company of 65 drivers, I had to up my game. I had to carry myself a certain way and prove that I took my job seriously and wasn't there for any sort of hook-up. I established boundaries early on. When one of the guys wanted to speak with me I made sure that there was always a desk between us. When we were at the occasional office social I still maintained space. I was set apart but not aloof. I hope this makes sense. I had to establish the boundaries to protect the integrity of my job and my marriage. If touch was ever involved it was a solid handshake. I never put a hand on someone's shoulder or arm. If someone tutored me at my computer, I would move out of my chair, let them have it, then stand behind them and observe - I never had them lean over me. Hugs when exchanged (this was rare) would be side hugs, never full on frontal hugs. And if we had to travel in a vehicle I always tried to have a third party with, never just myself and another man. If I did end up in that situation, I would usually call my husband and chat for a minute or two and let him know what was up. I live in a small town - gossip flows as abundantly as the four letter words here - it takes dedication and discernment to REMAIN ABOVE REPROACH.
When spring hit at the trucking company there was a new issue that arose. I was no longer encumbered with lots of sweaters and long underwear (yes I wore this every day!) As I began to shed the layers for lighter clothing it felt like my office door became a revolving door. I am not saying I'm a knock out by any means, but I am saying that what figure I have was showing a little more and it seemed like all of a sudden they remembered I was female?? Anyway, as guys seemed to make up reasons to come sit and chat with me, I began to feel uncomfortable enough that I switched up my office, transforming it into a Johnson family monument. I had pictures hanging everywhere of my husband and I together with our family and grandchildren shots galore. THEN I began scrutinizing my clothing. I enjoy looking professional and dressing well, but as I was attaining unwanted attention, I figured I was doing something wrong. So, rather than dress "cute", I chose to impose a work place uniform look for myself. I began wearing company logo wear - polo shirts, button downs and zip up jackets. It was a good reminder for myself and others that I was a professional, there to do my job. I suppose this was a sixth point but didn't know how to label it. :)
Your greatest armor in the workplace is GOD. Making the time to renew your mind daily, to read the Word and sharpen your sword can prepare you for battle. I'm not saying all workplaces are a battlefield - life really is our battlefield, but keeping your guard up will help maintain integrity, purity and respect, all of which are important in any setting. These boundaries not only apply at work, but at church and in your circle of friends.
For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
He is a shield to those who walk in integrity.
He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.
Psalm 2:6-8
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