Complacency is a place I find myself when I am letting myself drift through life. It's not where I ever want to be but even in marriage this unwelcome guest may creep in and left unchecked can crumble a marriage. When a person becomes complacent they tend to let their lives run on auto pilot, so to speak. Auto pilot which has no direction, no destination and is typically in self-destruct mode. I've been there and don't ever want to go back. It almost destroyed my marriage to my amazing man and I praise God He got a hold of me in time to save it.
In reading Ephesians I was reminded of God calling me to Himself. Ephesians was one of the first books I read after surrendering my life to Him. In chapter 4 it says, "Put on your new nature, created to be like God - truly righteous and holy." (24)
From there it gave instructions. It talks about telling your neighbors the truth, don't let anger control you, use your hands for good hard work and not to steal, give generously to those in need. Then it goes on to say - "Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (4:29) Which brings me to complacency marriage killer point number one, when you are in a complacent mode sarcasm takes over. There is a place in life for sarcasm or rather humor, however when you are complacent the sarcasm becomes biting and hurtful and begins to dig a grave of emotional turmoil in marriage. Most of the time I would just shrug it off as a bad day but before I knew it, the habit of sarcasm had become commonplace in our conversations.
The next verse states, "Do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption." (4:30) Point number two, when we are living in complacency we bring sorrow to God. I find that when I allow my life to become routine, especially my quiet times then complacency sneaks in and I no longer strive to live a holy life. I have to work at maintaining an active pursuit of Christ to keep from falling into this.
Point number three - complacency leaves a path of destruction. This destruction leads to "bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behavior." The worst part is that once a marriage reaches this point it's difficult to get rid of those things. There is a great deal of bitterness, anger takes over, frustrations are high, and we start saying not-so-nice things about each other. The worst part is we start believing them. The biting sarcasm has become harsh words and all trust and communication are gone.
Turning around complacency doesn't have to be as difficult as the enemy would have you believe. Your marriage may have one foot in the grave but you can pull yourself out of it! Ephesians 5:1-2 has the answer. "Imitate God therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." Turning things around can take time, definitely takes a concentrated effort and will likely be painful. But it's the healing type of pain. Worth all the time and effort it takes. It will require you to humbly to go your spouse and ask for forgiveness. It will demand you to exercise restraint where your tongue is concerned. In the long run however, rising from the grave of complacency and defeating its death penalty is totally worth it!
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