Answering my questions from my previous post I thought I'd start with the first one: If you have put your husband's acceptance of you over your identity as a child of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better? This has been key to my growth through this Sacred Influence journey. When I have purposefully made my relationship with God a priority I have found that it's easier to focus on my husband in a positive light. It's when I am consumed with the world that I am no longer influencing him for good - mainly because I am filling myself with things that are insignificant and not glorifying to God.
I must however give credit where credit is due - because it is not only God that has transformed me into the woman I am today, you see, before I turned my life over to God, the Lord had begun the transformation of Yuki Johnson through my husband. Daryl has always been my biggest "cheerleader". He always encouraged me and built me up. It was something I definitely did not understand and in later years took for granted. But between God and my husband's influence I am who I am today. :)
What is the difference between trying to change a man and trying to influence him? Now here's a VERY interesting question. First of all there's a difference between "influence" and "manipulation" and that is why my thoughts on the difference between trying to "change a man" vs. trying to "influence him" would be motivation and tactic. By seeking to glorify God and striving to live in His image and by the power of the Holy Spirit I am able to influence my husband to become the man of God he was meant to be. Influencing focuses on my personal growth and is motivated by my desire to find my worth and value in Christ first and foremost. My tactics would be guided by the Holy Spirit and not my flesh which once again gears this towards a more sacred influence and not manipulation.
Let's talk about manipulation for a moment. I think that women are wired for manipulation. (Look at Adam and Eve and the apple...need I say more?) The problem is the world fosters manipulation. Every tv show, every movie, even in the Christian realm, we live in manipulation and may not even realize it. It happens unconsciously and it's not until we are made aware of it that we realize how wrong it truly is. I was the biggest manipulator I know and probably one of the best actresses because of it. I knew exactly how to act, what to say, when to cry, when to pout, in order to get my way. It was deplorable! But God began to convict me in this area and slowly transformed my heart and mind. It has been my goal for many years now to raise daughters who were aware of manipulation and how to avoid it. My path has crossed many times with women of all ages in the church who are unaware of their manipulative ways. Manipulation leads to unhappy marriages. It causes unnecessary hurt and pain and sabotages communication. It has been the root cause of communication barriers in my marriage and has taken years to tear down. I implore you to take a close look at what motivates you and ask yourself if what you are doing and saying is building your spouse up or tearing them down. Manipulation may be innately related to women but it goes both ways anymore. Our society has clouded the gender lines and more and more men are taking on the attributes of women and visa versa. We as Christians need to be aware of our own motivating factors in how we are handling things in our marriage and make conscious efforts to put God first, and our spouse next and be purposeful in maintaining a manipulation free zone in our homes!
If you "caught" your husband bragging about you, what do you think he would be saying? What would you like to hear him say in the future? What are some things you can do to start building on this?
This question was eye-opening for me. It was realizing that my husband typically bragged about Sanctify Ministries or my job that I loved but never really bragged about my being a good wife or mother. In some ways I felt that the ministry and my job had become a sore spot for him because of the fact that I wasn't meeting his needs. At that time I journaled: "I want to be a blessing to my husband so he can speak positively of me and know that I am his biggest cheerleader too. I am honestly at a loss on how to be a support to him. Lord please help me!" So the beginning of the journey wasn't positive. I knew in my heart that I was NOT influencing my husband for good and that something needed to change. So my prayer would be that you to would determine in your heart that you would desire to be a women of Sacred Influence and that your life would be a reflection of Christ and you would use your God given influence for good or better yet...for GREAT!!! :)
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