I'm at that age now where we're watching the home-going of many friends parents and grandparents. I am keenly aware of the flood of emotions that the grief of this separation brings. I've experienced grief at it's depths. I never knew how deeply it penetrated until I found myself in the midst of it. I believe God allowed this experience that I may know and understand others pain and be compassionate towards them. But with this understanding comes the thought of - why would God want us to experience such a depth of grief as this?
Our Creator is a passionate, emotional God. He's not some gavel wielding judge sitting up there in heaven looking down on his creation without thought of all we're going through. Even his Son who walked the earth, took on the form of man (emotions and all) felt deeply, was moved to compassion, grieved so passionately he sweat blood. God weeps for his children. He knows our pain. We were created in HIS image. So, I believe it's natural that we should possess the same emotional infrastructure that our Lord has. He longs for us to love deeply, to have compassion on his creation, to desire to be in relationship - without all this emotional circuitry we would not have a desire for relationship with HIM. Though it comes with a price, it is a bittersweet reminder of all that we have.
Without those emotional bonds we would not miss those we love, we would not even love them. We would simply exist and walk through life numb to all it's beauty and grace.
Today a friend lost his wife suddenly, a heart attack. They are both extremely hard working, honest, good people. They worked hard for everything they have. They love their children and provide so much for them and want to see them succeed in life. They have sacrificed so much for their family. But today, his world has been turned upside-down. Today, he knows grief as he's never experienced before. Today, just months from retirement, his best friend is gone. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes where it talks of meaningless pursuits in chapters 1 and 2. In chapter 4 he talks about the advantages of companionship.
"Two people are better off than one,
for they can help each other succeed."
(Ecclesiastes 4:9)
This epitomizes this couple. They were a formidable pair - each one encouraging the other on to success. "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer." They have done this. They have conquered much in their lifetime. Their children are their legacy. But without emotional attachment, this never would have been possible.
So through all of this I am reminded that everything has a season. We are all in various seasons of life - we all have responsibilities specific to that season we're in. There really are no shortcuts in life - and if there were, we would miss out on the richness of the journey!
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4My friend may have lost his love, but the legacy they have built throughout their life still stands. Their children will gather round him and mourn with him and they will share stories of how she lived life to the full, how she loved greatly, how she worked hard. They will know that for all the seasons she journeyed, she gave everything she had. It doesn't ease the pain of separation, the suddenness of the loss, but a life well lived is a blessing at these times - for the fullness and joy of their passion for living prevails in the hearts of those they loved.
For those who mourn - it becomes an ebb and flow. Our society does not allow for grieving. It's sad. The Jewish people have a better grasp on mourning - knowing that it must take place in community or the person may be sucked down into the depths of their despair. They have a plan - they allow the person to grieve deeply and quietly alone - for a little while. Then the family and community share in the grief and gather round them. They walk through this initial time of grieving for an entire year. They know that this is the hardest time for them. They see to it that the grieving one is encouraged to engage in life again over time. It's not required of them to participate in all things and they don't expect them to always be smiling and act as if everything is okay - however, they are supported and encouraged to share their struggles and not seclude themselves.
There are things that remind me of the one I loved and lost. There are times I struggle through the memories and tears will occasionally sneak out and other times I cry me a river - literally. I can't make it stop and in some ways I don't want to. I just need it to wash over my soul and renew me. There is strength in those tears, strength to keep moving forward, strength to keep living - so don't make someone grieving stop crying. Give them your shoulder instead. Grab some tissues and join them. Hold their hand and quietly sit with them and let them refresh their soul.
