MOVING ON - Reflecting on our first year in the Bakken

Sometimes life just doesn't go the way we imagine it should. Sometimes it takes a turn and we feel lost. That's what's hit our family and it has pushed us way off course.

I know we're supposed to be in North Dakota. How do I know? Because we have not had a minutes peace since we all arrived here. And when I talk peace I'm talking the "peace that surpasses all understanding." When we left the Cedarville bubble I never would have imagined the trials the Lord would allow us to pass through. We weren't here more than a month when the darkness began to consume us. It penetrated our hearts AND minds. The attack on our home not only spiritual but emotional. A loneliness that was all-consuming settled into our lives and it didn't matter how much retail therapy, family time or meals out we indulged in, we could not ward it off for a moment. 

Within months we were all broken vessels and yet we had not been able to find any consolation. We tried various churches but those that ministered to us most were too far away for practicality. Each of us were so busy licking our wounds and trying to make sense of what was going on we, never realized how closed off we had become from one another. Each choosing their own way of dealing with the situation. Not every choice made was good, but God has been gracious. 

God provided us with a roof over our heads - more than many who come to ND have. God has provided us all with good jobs - Daryl with his phone job, my office management job, Kenzi with her administrative job, Bailey with her dispatch position and even Sara has a great job! But as the saying goes, "money isn't everything." And that is what we've found. 

As each of us sought solace in various ways some of our choices have had deep, painful repercussions. What we felt were broken vessels, were soon shattered. But in this state we found our survivor's instinct.  Even with that however, we've crept forward so slowly from this place that we feel as though little to no progress has been made. I believe it's in these types of situations that the Lord does His finest work. True, inspired art is in the smallest of details. The beauty with woodcarving is in the intricacies and I believe the Lord has been etching more of Him into each of our hearts in a very intricate and intimate fashion. These testings and trials may seem to have held us back, but the question in my mind is why? What for? Where is God planning to take us from here? 

As His timing is perfect, He brought us to a church where we are slowly but surely finding a home and our new spiritual family. The senior pastor has already poured into our lives by ministering to us during the beginning stages of our crisis. His compassion, honesty and gentleness served to draw out our hurt and fear. As each of us opened up and poured out those fears we began to find glimmers of hope. Hope that this isn't how it will always be. Hope that there's healing on the other side. Light has begun to shine in the darkness and it's not as daunting as we thought. 

There's still a great deal of pain, but we have determined to take bigger steps towards healing and make further progress in our pursuit of ministering in North Dakota - just as we have always done wherever we've been. 

Through the trials and the pain there is victory to gain. 

Though the raging darkness come, there is only One

Who gives light amongst the shrouded path and graciously reveals

A future filled with hope and joy the enemy cannot steal.

So forge ahead dear child and see the journey through

For as an heir of his salvation, He has great plans for you!

 

  

YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS

It's been a tough week.
No...it's been a horrible week.
No...I have just had some really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days this past week.
Interestingly enough, it has nothing whatsoever to do with my physical health.

I have learned some things about myself through this experience.
I am weak.
I can hopelessly dive head-long into a situation and forget who I am and what I stand for.
I let the situation consume me and obsessed over it so fully and completely I allowed it to draw my focus from the One whom I love most. Sad day.

I have learned some things about others.
People aren't always what they seem.
We cannot control what others think about us, but we can control how we react to them.
And therein lies the Christian walk. In living one's life in the pursuit of holiness and reflecting Christ, what others think does not matter. By focusing on Him we don't need to obsess over them.
Sometimes people say one thing but may be thinking something else and you just gotta roll with it.

I have learned some things about family.
They are gracious.
They are loving.
They put up with you even when you are not yourself.
They are such a blessing to have around and I wouldn't trade mine for the world!

I have learned some things about God.
He has a plan.
His timing is perfect.
He knows what I need and gives me all that I need.
His Word is relevant for today, and He has a Word for every situation you may be going through.
He brings you to a place where you are ready to worship even if you think you're not.
His love is pure, constant, sure, true, incredible and NEVER FAILS!
He is gracious enough to show you your heart and faithful enough to transform it for your good and for His glory!

The song, One Thing Remains, is what brought me to the point of realizing that I must turn everything over to Him.

"Higher than the mountains that I face."
Yes, there are mountains in North Dakota - they may not be seen by the naked eye but they are there and they are daunting, but HIS LOVE is higher and scales them without effort!

"Stronger than the power of the grave."
This line gets me.
I am amazed by the simple complexity of it. Yes that was an oxymoronic statement - but really, HIS LOVE conquered the grave and I am so quick to take this forgranted. God help me to never forget this!

"Constant through the trial and the change."
YES! This line as well holds true. With every trial in our lives there is change. Unimaginable, incomprehensible, unfathomable change.
Do I embrace it?
Do I run from it?
At this point, I don't do either. I simply rely on the fact that "One thing remains..."

"Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me!"

"On and on and on and on it goes! It overwhelms and satisfies my soul. (If I let it!)
And I never ever have to be afraid! (Thank you Jesus!)
One thing remains..."

"YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS, IT NEVER GIVES UP, IT NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME!"
And for that I'm eternally grateful!