My life used to be an oxymoron - it was simply complicated. The simply was the fact that it took very little effort to accomplish everything and I was extremely productive. The complicated was the fact that I juggled many tasks and never worried about dropping a plate. I was the supreme multi-tasker. You needed something done, I was your person to do it. I planned retreat weekends, worked jobs, directed VBS, sang on the praise team, wrote devotionals, played piano, ran a Bible study...I don't write all this out to brag. OH NO...
I share this because life has changed significantly.
Life is still simply complicated only that term has taken on a whole new meaning. It is now an inseparable term. Since becoming sick over two years ago "simply complicated" defines my life in ways I would never have dreamed. What was once a simple task has become unfathomably complicated.
Eating...it's complicated.
Cleaning...it's complicated.
Sleeping...it's complicated.
Exercising...it's complicated.
Grocery shopping...it's complicated.
Doing Laundry...it's complicated.
I have been frustrated by this "complication" but tonight, I have found The Lord gently prodding me to surrender my frustrations. To take the complicated out of the equation and turn it into something more simple. It all came in the terms of finding God's will. At our praise and worship night at church (Resonate) we were challenged to look at God's will for our lives and see how we are handling it.
When it was "easy" to fulfill what I believed was God's will, I was happy to jump in and "do great things". But when things became complicated, well, I found myself on a roller coaster of emotion and pain that left me feeling more like I was going in and out with the tide in my relationship with The Lord. Some days the tide was in and I was doing great and felt God and I had come to an understanding on how life was going to go. Then there were days I felt the tide was out and I was treading for dear life, floundering with every wave that threatened to pull me under.
Tonight, I realize that the problem in this equation has been ME. You see, as long as I could accomplish the tasks in my own strength I was doing great. But now...now I have to rely on God for everything I do. There are days I am in so much pain I have to rely on His strength to get me out of bed so I can even start my day. I WANT to take on more, I want to be as productive as I used to be but for some reason, God had to shut me down. Tonight, I found the reason. I was operating in my own way and God wanted me to start doing things His way.
I get tired of those proverbial 2x4s that The Lord has to bring up along side my head all too often, but this time I am beginning to see WHY. I thought those answers wouldn't come until I was on the other side of heaven but God is gracious and has found my wanting heart in need of a bit of His sweet revelation. So, here I am. And I absolutely love that our closing song tonight so wonderfully sums everything up...
I’m in a fight not physical, I’m in a war but not with this world
You are the light that’s beautiful and I want more, I want all that’s Yours
I've got joy unspeakable that won’t go away and just enough strength to live for today
So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring ‘cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God
I am counting on, I am counting on God
The miracle of Christ in me is the mystery that sets me free
I’m nothing like I used to be, open up your eyes you’ll see!
MY FAVORITE PART IS
I've got joy unspeakable that won't go away and JUST ENOUGH STRENGTH TO LIVE FOR TODAY
So I never hve to worry what tomorrow will bring, 'cause my faith is on solid rock
I AM COUNTING ON GOD!
