I've been working hard. A lot harder than I anticipated upon arriving in North Dakota. I'm now back-pedaling trying to slow things down a bit so that my body can catch up with things. I may be feeling better but somehow my poor body isn't keeping up. This can be frustrating but it does remind me of how God has to put up with us and our "pace".
He is deity, we are sinful man.
He is all-knowing, we...haven't got a clue.
I'm sure there are moments where He looks over my life and shakes His head at my stubbornness and stiff necked ways! And other times He chuckles because I "just don't get it!" I am however extremely grateful that He doesn't give up on me. That He persists and teaches me His precepts in a variety of ways until I finally get it. The sad part is that sometimes I get it and then I forget it. What is wrong with me? Why do I force God to have to teach me things over and over again?
Lord, I am truly thankful you don't get frustrated with me the way I get frustrated with my body and how slowly it responds. I pray that someday I will learn to respond more quickly, efficiently and with confidence in You!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
LIFE ON THE BAKKEN
It's been exactly two months now that I've been living on the largest Indian reservation of North Dakota in the largest oil field depository of the United States known as "The Bakken".
In my new job I am learning so much about oil fields, riggers, construction, fracking, water tanks (tritons vs atlantis), heavy equipment, drop deck vs high deck trailers, belly dump vs side dump, oversize load permits, road restrictions, tons vs yards, and the list goes on!
There have been complications that have plagued us with our rental house from a non-functioning bathroom (the only bathroom in the 1000 sf house), paint peeling off walls so bad we had to scrape them before we could paint them, plaster walls that don't allow us to hang anything up on them, a furnace that wouldn't light, a water heater that doesn't heat, an oven that heats TOO well that you can't touch the stove when it's on, a back door that was broken into and no longer locks, carpet that you can't get the smell of smoke out of. But we are grateful to have a roof over our heads, the family back together and a place to call home.
Then there was the realization that we are no longer living in the Bible belt. This has been by far the hardest adjustment of all. There are a large number of Lutheran churches in the area and a great deal of Catholic churches, Baptist churches are few and far between and the cross over from Lutheran to Church of Christ is pretty apparent, especially in those that share the Lutheran Pastors. This is a dark place in many ways and if you talk about Jesus you are met with rolling of the eyes and sometimes completely shut down. There is little tolerance for "religion" first with the tribe and very much so on the Bakken.
I was very discouraged when I read this in my morning devotion a couple days ago:
"You will be My mouthpiece in places where there are no other voices to be heard. You will magnify My Name in a dark corner. You will praise Me in a place where others extol men. You will show My love and reality to those who have not as yet experienced My nearness and fellowship in the way you have known Me. I need you as a light to shine in dark places. I have not called you by some fickle whim. HOw will the message go out without a messenger? I have made you My messenger. You will go with winged feet. You will not allow your foot to be bogged down in the mire of earthly cares and riches. You will discharge your duties with dispatch and will deal in wisdom with each responsibility; but your heart will rest in My hand. Your thoughts will return to Me..." (Come Away My Beloved by Frances Roberts)
This was very convicting and very much a blessing to read. Now comes the hard part...waiting on His direction and leading for our mission here and the church we are to become a part of.
WAITING ON and TRUSTING IN HIM!
In my new job I am learning so much about oil fields, riggers, construction, fracking, water tanks (tritons vs atlantis), heavy equipment, drop deck vs high deck trailers, belly dump vs side dump, oversize load permits, road restrictions, tons vs yards, and the list goes on!
There have been complications that have plagued us with our rental house from a non-functioning bathroom (the only bathroom in the 1000 sf house), paint peeling off walls so bad we had to scrape them before we could paint them, plaster walls that don't allow us to hang anything up on them, a furnace that wouldn't light, a water heater that doesn't heat, an oven that heats TOO well that you can't touch the stove when it's on, a back door that was broken into and no longer locks, carpet that you can't get the smell of smoke out of. But we are grateful to have a roof over our heads, the family back together and a place to call home.
Then there was the realization that we are no longer living in the Bible belt. This has been by far the hardest adjustment of all. There are a large number of Lutheran churches in the area and a great deal of Catholic churches, Baptist churches are few and far between and the cross over from Lutheran to Church of Christ is pretty apparent, especially in those that share the Lutheran Pastors. This is a dark place in many ways and if you talk about Jesus you are met with rolling of the eyes and sometimes completely shut down. There is little tolerance for "religion" first with the tribe and very much so on the Bakken.
I was very discouraged when I read this in my morning devotion a couple days ago:
"You will be My mouthpiece in places where there are no other voices to be heard. You will magnify My Name in a dark corner. You will praise Me in a place where others extol men. You will show My love and reality to those who have not as yet experienced My nearness and fellowship in the way you have known Me. I need you as a light to shine in dark places. I have not called you by some fickle whim. HOw will the message go out without a messenger? I have made you My messenger. You will go with winged feet. You will not allow your foot to be bogged down in the mire of earthly cares and riches. You will discharge your duties with dispatch and will deal in wisdom with each responsibility; but your heart will rest in My hand. Your thoughts will return to Me..." (Come Away My Beloved by Frances Roberts)
This was very convicting and very much a blessing to read. Now comes the hard part...waiting on His direction and leading for our mission here and the church we are to become a part of.
WAITING ON and TRUSTING IN HIM!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Becoming the Helpmate I Should Have Been...
It seems that I have gained a wealth of knowledge since I married my knight in shining armor. The crazy thing is, I have a sneaking suspicion that I have that much more to learn about being married...sad, but true. I've been studying various passages in my Bible when the Lord recently laid it upon my heart to dig deeper into my role as wife. The crazy thing is, as I have been studying this, I have found that by looking into what he should be I find a clearer picture of what I should be as his wife.
It all started with this passage, [the purpose of Paul's instruction] "that believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience and a genuine faith." (1 Timothy 1:5) I began to evaluate myself to see if I truly love from a pure heart - trying to determine if my heart motives are truly pure or if I am trying to manipulate - that was something early on in my walk with the Lord, about five years into our marriage, that I determined WAS an issue. Manipulation was a huge problem for me. As a matter of fact, I find that women seem to have an innate sense of manipulation within them that needs very little effort to nurture and perfect it. Do I love from a clear conscience? I am thankful to say that the Lord has worked a great deal on me to get me to this point that I truly feel I love with a clear conscience - but it took a lot of work on that part of our Lord to transform my thinking that I may understand how He has truly forgiven me of all my past sins and there was no need to live in the guilt and shame that I was allowing to encompass my heart. God is so good! And finally, does my love come from a genuine faith? I must admit, I'm working on that one!
Further along in Timothy we are taught about roles of women and men. I jotted down the women's roles presented: be modest in appearance, wearing decent and appropriate clothing; not draw attention to ourselves; we are to make ourselves attractive by the good things we do learning quietly and submissively, not teaching or having authority over men, listening quietly, and living in faith, love, holiness and modesty. (1 Timothy 2:9-15)
Chapter 3 tells of how a man who desires to be an Elder of the church should live. I've read this section so many times but it never hit me as it did this time. My initial thoughts involved praying for my husband to aspire to live this way, but then I was convicted that I, as his wife should enable him to live in this manner through my own actions and the way I support him. So my mind has been dwelling on what I should be doing to build him up in this regard.
Here's the list, he must live...
a life above reproach
be faithful to his wife
exercise self control
live wisely
have a good reputation
enjoy having guests in his home
able to teach
not a heavy drinker
not prone to violence
gentle
not quarrelsome
not love money
manage his family well
have children who respect and obey him
must not be a new believer (because they might become proud for the devil may cause him to fall)
people outside of the church must speak well of him.
So now I am going to spend more time dwelling on this. I have thoughts because I have had a life time to work on helping him to become this - but as I meditate on the subject I find that I am severely lacking on my success rate in this area. Not saying he has not lived up to the things listed above, but I AM saying I haven't made it very easy for him. A very hard thing for me to admit to. So I will be spending time in confession, prayer and deeper contemplation and let you know how it goes.
It all started with this passage, [the purpose of Paul's instruction] "that believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience and a genuine faith." (1 Timothy 1:5) I began to evaluate myself to see if I truly love from a pure heart - trying to determine if my heart motives are truly pure or if I am trying to manipulate - that was something early on in my walk with the Lord, about five years into our marriage, that I determined WAS an issue. Manipulation was a huge problem for me. As a matter of fact, I find that women seem to have an innate sense of manipulation within them that needs very little effort to nurture and perfect it. Do I love from a clear conscience? I am thankful to say that the Lord has worked a great deal on me to get me to this point that I truly feel I love with a clear conscience - but it took a lot of work on that part of our Lord to transform my thinking that I may understand how He has truly forgiven me of all my past sins and there was no need to live in the guilt and shame that I was allowing to encompass my heart. God is so good! And finally, does my love come from a genuine faith? I must admit, I'm working on that one!
Further along in Timothy we are taught about roles of women and men. I jotted down the women's roles presented: be modest in appearance, wearing decent and appropriate clothing; not draw attention to ourselves; we are to make ourselves attractive by the good things we do learning quietly and submissively, not teaching or having authority over men, listening quietly, and living in faith, love, holiness and modesty. (1 Timothy 2:9-15)
Chapter 3 tells of how a man who desires to be an Elder of the church should live. I've read this section so many times but it never hit me as it did this time. My initial thoughts involved praying for my husband to aspire to live this way, but then I was convicted that I, as his wife should enable him to live in this manner through my own actions and the way I support him. So my mind has been dwelling on what I should be doing to build him up in this regard.
Here's the list, he must live...
a life above reproach
be faithful to his wife
exercise self control
live wisely
have a good reputation
enjoy having guests in his home
able to teach
not a heavy drinker
not prone to violence
gentle
not quarrelsome
not love money
manage his family well
have children who respect and obey him
must not be a new believer (because they might become proud for the devil may cause him to fall)
people outside of the church must speak well of him.
So now I am going to spend more time dwelling on this. I have thoughts because I have had a life time to work on helping him to become this - but as I meditate on the subject I find that I am severely lacking on my success rate in this area. Not saying he has not lived up to the things listed above, but I AM saying I haven't made it very easy for him. A very hard thing for me to admit to. So I will be spending time in confession, prayer and deeper contemplation and let you know how it goes.
Friday, February 10, 2012
FEELING GROOVY!
It's been about 3 weeks since I started Savella my new Fibromyalgia meds. Beginning this regimen has been the best thing since sliced bread. (no...really!)
The pain from Fibro is manageable, I can think again, I don't have to spend periods of time sitting in my little corner anymore and I feel as though the world is clear again.
On the heels of this diagnosis and new maintenance plan came the diagnosis of a severe Vitamin D deficiency. I started taking a strong dosage of Vit D last week. Within 24 hours I was a new woman! I started to have energy, going up and down the stairs no longer wiped me out. I still have moments where I break out in a sweat and have to stop in my tracks but they're fewer and far between. Not only is the world clear but my head seems to be too. And there are times I actually forget that I have pain...what a blessing!
So after three years of thinking "maybe it is all in my head" and remembering "no it's very real" and watching doctors scratch their heads and ER nurses thinking I'm crazy...I now know that I can feel "normal" again. However redefined it may be it's no longer looking like it has to be a tremendous overhaul of lifestyle to obtain. I will say that my maintenance plan includes several facets not just the drugs or supplements. Having explored many avenues - it's finally looking like I've found the sunny side of the street!
The pain from Fibro is manageable, I can think again, I don't have to spend periods of time sitting in my little corner anymore and I feel as though the world is clear again.
On the heels of this diagnosis and new maintenance plan came the diagnosis of a severe Vitamin D deficiency. I started taking a strong dosage of Vit D last week. Within 24 hours I was a new woman! I started to have energy, going up and down the stairs no longer wiped me out. I still have moments where I break out in a sweat and have to stop in my tracks but they're fewer and far between. Not only is the world clear but my head seems to be too. And there are times I actually forget that I have pain...what a blessing!
So after three years of thinking "maybe it is all in my head" and remembering "no it's very real" and watching doctors scratch their heads and ER nurses thinking I'm crazy...I now know that I can feel "normal" again. However redefined it may be it's no longer looking like it has to be a tremendous overhaul of lifestyle to obtain. I will say that my maintenance plan includes several facets not just the drugs or supplements. Having explored many avenues - it's finally looking like I've found the sunny side of the street!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
A FIRM DIAGNOSIS
After almost three years of medical mystery it looks as though we have a firm diagnosis! My new rheumatologist reran all the blood work testing for autoimmune diseases - the standard ANA (autoimmune antibody) test has been positive for the past two years. Nobody told me it could "go away." This time it came back NEGATIVE! Must mean that slowly but surely my body is healing! This ruled out Sjogren's Syndrome and Autoimmune Hepatitis! Leaving us with the firm diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and a confirmed Vitamin D deficiency.
Now, the Vitamin D was an interesting thing. You see, I'm on medication that tells me I shouldn't spend much time in the sun. I am also lactose intolerant which means my consumption of Vitamin D fortified milk is virtually none. I also have an odd "defect" called Fructose Malabsorption. Which means anything with fructose in it my body can't process - that includes Vitamin D fortified orange juice. So my best option for Vitamin D consumption would be salmon. I think I can manage that. Just need to learn how to cook it well.
This Vitamin D deficiency explains A LOT! My pain in my joints, etc is very likely caused by this, my thankfully short bout with depression is connected and the scariest is that my blood pressure has been high - combined with the Vit D deficiency it's a recipe for a heart attack. No wonder the Rheumatologist was so angry with my doctor for not taking it seriously and putting me on something to lower it. Not that it's going to be fixed overnight, I'm still having twinges of chest pain and my blood pressure seems to fluctuate between prehypertension and hypertension, but I'm doing so much better.
The wonderful news of finally having a diagnosis and an aggressive Rheumatologist that I finally feel is "on my side"helps me have more HOPE. I am on ONE medication for the Fibromyalgia called Savella. It seems to be helping a lot and my blood pressure is going down now that I'm no longer taking Cymbalta or Tramadol. I am going the supplement route. And I am hopeful for a plan that will allow me to lead a relatively normal life. Sure there are days where the pain may be just too much to deal with but then it's just "DAYS" not weeks, months, etc.
In today's devotional I find I am dealing with overcoming. Overcoming my selfishness, my impatience, my attitude, my plans, my designs for my future, my desires, my flesh. Galatians 2:20 speaks well to this, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." God never intended to please our self-life, He wants to bring that to crucifixion, namely because it is a huge hindrance to our spiritual walk. If too much self is consuming us, there's no room for God and His Spirit to guide, direct and flow through me to others. In Come Away My Beloved, Frances Roberts shares, "Faith I can give you as a gift, but the works I can do through you only when your ego moves out of the way." Ouch...ego. She also gives a reminder that they are not MY works but HIS. "There is an enemy to be contested and defeated; and to do this, there must be more than resolve in your heart - there must be power. This power cannot operate until your self-will is out of the way...I know you cannot do this for yourself but you must will it to be done. And as you will it, I will work with you and within you to bring it to pass."
This is my prayer, may the Lord work this out in my heart and help me distinguish my flesh from my spirit and to live a contentedly humble life.
Now, the Vitamin D was an interesting thing. You see, I'm on medication that tells me I shouldn't spend much time in the sun. I am also lactose intolerant which means my consumption of Vitamin D fortified milk is virtually none. I also have an odd "defect" called Fructose Malabsorption. Which means anything with fructose in it my body can't process - that includes Vitamin D fortified orange juice. So my best option for Vitamin D consumption would be salmon. I think I can manage that. Just need to learn how to cook it well.
This Vitamin D deficiency explains A LOT! My pain in my joints, etc is very likely caused by this, my thankfully short bout with depression is connected and the scariest is that my blood pressure has been high - combined with the Vit D deficiency it's a recipe for a heart attack. No wonder the Rheumatologist was so angry with my doctor for not taking it seriously and putting me on something to lower it. Not that it's going to be fixed overnight, I'm still having twinges of chest pain and my blood pressure seems to fluctuate between prehypertension and hypertension, but I'm doing so much better.
The wonderful news of finally having a diagnosis and an aggressive Rheumatologist that I finally feel is "on my side"helps me have more HOPE. I am on ONE medication for the Fibromyalgia called Savella. It seems to be helping a lot and my blood pressure is going down now that I'm no longer taking Cymbalta or Tramadol. I am going the supplement route. And I am hopeful for a plan that will allow me to lead a relatively normal life. Sure there are days where the pain may be just too much to deal with but then it's just "DAYS" not weeks, months, etc.
In today's devotional I find I am dealing with overcoming. Overcoming my selfishness, my impatience, my attitude, my plans, my designs for my future, my desires, my flesh. Galatians 2:20 speaks well to this, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." God never intended to please our self-life, He wants to bring that to crucifixion, namely because it is a huge hindrance to our spiritual walk. If too much self is consuming us, there's no room for God and His Spirit to guide, direct and flow through me to others. In Come Away My Beloved, Frances Roberts shares, "Faith I can give you as a gift, but the works I can do through you only when your ego moves out of the way." Ouch...ego. She also gives a reminder that they are not MY works but HIS. "There is an enemy to be contested and defeated; and to do this, there must be more than resolve in your heart - there must be power. This power cannot operate until your self-will is out of the way...I know you cannot do this for yourself but you must will it to be done. And as you will it, I will work with you and within you to bring it to pass."
This is my prayer, may the Lord work this out in my heart and help me distinguish my flesh from my spirit and to live a contentedly humble life.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I NEED HIM...A LOT!!!
Some days I think I need Him more than He will ever know. Today happened to be one of those days. I am in North Dakota - job hunting. I desperately want to reunite our family! I have missed our family dinners, our giggle sessions, our family time. It's horrible to think how much I took that for granted! So, here I am applying for everything I can find - and it seems if you talk to enough people you find plenty. That is good!
But this morning had nothing really to do with job hunting and everything to do with physical pain. My body just does this sometimes. It can be very irritating. I might be sleeping peacefully one moment and awake and dealing with screaming pain in muscles nobody realizes they have. That's when I have to pull myself out of bed and walk around for a bit then sit in the recliner or on the couch. Going back to bed really isn't an option, just magnifies the pain. Fortunately, it didn't hit until 5:30 this morning so I had 6 hours of sleep! A praise to be sure!
As the morning progressed and I pulled myself out of my slump, I changed my focus to Grandma as I watched her shuffle herself from the kitchen to her recliner. You can hear her heavy sighs as her earthly body groans with each passing day. Yet you never hear a word from her regarding her physical health. I offer to drive her to her eye appointment. She says I don't need to go with her but I assure her I want to. As we walk out the door she hands me the keys. It's as I crawl into her luxury vehicle that I realize my feet don't reach the pedals. SERIOUSLY!! She is sitting next to me asking if I want to sit on her cushion and I laugh and tell her I need to put it behind me so I can reach the pedals! She chuckles too. At her appointment they take her right back and I'm sitting in the waiting room. An older gentleman comes and sits there. His name...Daryl...yep! We talk about Stanley and farming for a bit then I feel compelled to ask him if he knows of any houses available in town that we might rent for a time while we get our land in order and our house built. He shares that his mother has just moved to an apartment because her home was too much for her 93 year-old body to manage. Stella, his mom, doesn't know if she wants to rent or sell, so I suggest rent to us and give her time to get used to the idea of selling. Daryl thinks it's a great idea and takes my phone number then gives me the address and his phone. It's a small house but, it has three bedrooms a living room, family room, kitchen and one bath. That's all we need to get by for now! Then we talk more about my desire to find a job and he tells me to go to the Farmers Union. They need lots of people. He gives me the name of the general manager and says to go over right away today because the GM is leaving on vacation for 10 days starting tomorrow and then has knee surgery. So I call the GM, he's booked solid. He tells me to meet the Controller, gives me her name and asks me to stop by. SMALL TOWNS! I love this place! After I meet with the controller and drop off my resume, I walk over to the new credit union in town to get information for setting up an account. I am greeted by a diamond in the rough - a young woman who has relocated to the area and never had a bank job (the difference in her attire from the other two women in the bank makes it very apparent.) As we talk I ask if they're hiring. The girl shares that they are needing people and gives me the email address for the hiring manager. So I get home and email him my information. Cool thing is he's willing to train anyone willing to work for them. They're just desperate for quality employees around here! The girls will do well once they get here!
In a bit I'm back at the house and the pain becomes consuming again. Then I'm sitting and wondering why I didn't seem to notice it while I was visiting with people. Then I realize that I was fellowshipping. There are many forms but this particular form of getting to know others is so good for helping me shift my focus. I've decided to test out my fellowship theory during those dark early morning hours when I can't even sit because of the pain. I have been downloading some music that speaks to me and I will fellowship with the Lord and turn the darkness into light.
I am so thankful for the new adventure we're on. I'm thankful for the unidentified chronic illnesses I'm dealing with. But more than that I'm thankful for family and friends who provide so much encouragement and prayer support as I walk this path! OH...and I'm thankful for Stanley, North Dakota friendliness!!!
But this morning had nothing really to do with job hunting and everything to do with physical pain. My body just does this sometimes. It can be very irritating. I might be sleeping peacefully one moment and awake and dealing with screaming pain in muscles nobody realizes they have. That's when I have to pull myself out of bed and walk around for a bit then sit in the recliner or on the couch. Going back to bed really isn't an option, just magnifies the pain. Fortunately, it didn't hit until 5:30 this morning so I had 6 hours of sleep! A praise to be sure!
As the morning progressed and I pulled myself out of my slump, I changed my focus to Grandma as I watched her shuffle herself from the kitchen to her recliner. You can hear her heavy sighs as her earthly body groans with each passing day. Yet you never hear a word from her regarding her physical health. I offer to drive her to her eye appointment. She says I don't need to go with her but I assure her I want to. As we walk out the door she hands me the keys. It's as I crawl into her luxury vehicle that I realize my feet don't reach the pedals. SERIOUSLY!! She is sitting next to me asking if I want to sit on her cushion and I laugh and tell her I need to put it behind me so I can reach the pedals! She chuckles too. At her appointment they take her right back and I'm sitting in the waiting room. An older gentleman comes and sits there. His name...Daryl...yep! We talk about Stanley and farming for a bit then I feel compelled to ask him if he knows of any houses available in town that we might rent for a time while we get our land in order and our house built. He shares that his mother has just moved to an apartment because her home was too much for her 93 year-old body to manage. Stella, his mom, doesn't know if she wants to rent or sell, so I suggest rent to us and give her time to get used to the idea of selling. Daryl thinks it's a great idea and takes my phone number then gives me the address and his phone. It's a small house but, it has three bedrooms a living room, family room, kitchen and one bath. That's all we need to get by for now! Then we talk more about my desire to find a job and he tells me to go to the Farmers Union. They need lots of people. He gives me the name of the general manager and says to go over right away today because the GM is leaving on vacation for 10 days starting tomorrow and then has knee surgery. So I call the GM, he's booked solid. He tells me to meet the Controller, gives me her name and asks me to stop by. SMALL TOWNS! I love this place! After I meet with the controller and drop off my resume, I walk over to the new credit union in town to get information for setting up an account. I am greeted by a diamond in the rough - a young woman who has relocated to the area and never had a bank job (the difference in her attire from the other two women in the bank makes it very apparent.) As we talk I ask if they're hiring. The girl shares that they are needing people and gives me the email address for the hiring manager. So I get home and email him my information. Cool thing is he's willing to train anyone willing to work for them. They're just desperate for quality employees around here! The girls will do well once they get here!
In a bit I'm back at the house and the pain becomes consuming again. Then I'm sitting and wondering why I didn't seem to notice it while I was visiting with people. Then I realize that I was fellowshipping. There are many forms but this particular form of getting to know others is so good for helping me shift my focus. I've decided to test out my fellowship theory during those dark early morning hours when I can't even sit because of the pain. I have been downloading some music that speaks to me and I will fellowship with the Lord and turn the darkness into light.
I am so thankful for the new adventure we're on. I'm thankful for the unidentified chronic illnesses I'm dealing with. But more than that I'm thankful for family and friends who provide so much encouragement and prayer support as I walk this path! OH...and I'm thankful for Stanley, North Dakota friendliness!!!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
MORE THAN CONQUERERS!
I'm sitting in North Dakota in Grandma's family room listening to the steady breathing of she and my husband as they take their Sunday afternoon naps. It's quiet here. Just the breathing and the ticking of the grandfather clock to keep me company. Alone with my thoughts I am drawn back to my last two days of devotions. They have been intense calls not only to worship but to action.
I have long desired to write, to create devotional books that would form desires in the readers hearts to know more, not about me, about Him. I have thought that I would like my writing style to maybe match the format and style of Beth Moore - for many years my inspiration. Yet as I am reading through Come Away My Beloved, I am feeling more and more compelled to write as Frances J. Roberts wrote. Her words a soothing balm to the Christian warriors war torn life, she pulls you to the feet of Jesus where you bask in His sweet gentle embrace. What a precious gift she has, how wonderful that she should glorify God so fully with it. This is my desire, to be able to not only draw someone in but lead them fully and completely into His presence.
Let me just share a few lines from the most recent devotions I've been reading...
As I have been reading the section entitled "Learn to Reign" which I believe should have been three different devotionals, the first of which I would have entitled, "More than Conquerers" - it's from this section that I will be quoting but first you'll need a little background. This part of the devotional is talking about our battle against Satan. It is noted that as soldiers going into battle we would not enter without preparation, ample ammunition, and intensive training. God does not expect us to meet our adversary ill-equipped or unarmed, but He does not want us to think it's some sort of magic either. She reminds us, from Jesus' perspective that "He is not out to torment. He is out to destroy, not to hurt you, but to crush you. Your strength is no match for him. You must learn how to lay claim to the throne of God. I have met him and won already as I hung on the cross. Now YOU must find the way of victory yourselves...do not cry out to Me in the hour of crisis and distress as though I would extend some miracle in answer to prayer. Of course I do answer prayer and I can perform miracles and bring deliverance, but if I do this, I have only rescued one of My own out of trouble while you have won no victory at all!"
I had never thought about the battles or struggles we face as being training grounds for victories in Christ. I haven't realized the extent to which God will go in order to provide the training we need. I am, however, grateful for His faithfulness to me and that He will NOT just leave me hanging in these instances.
I want to be MORE than just a conquerer though. I want to leave a footprint. I realize I'm no more than a player and not even a "headliner" in this thing we call life. My impact in this world will be small to be sure, but I also want it to be MIGHTY. Can I accomplish this? Is this even remotely possible? Well, the path I am currently on will provide some answers sometime down the road. Until then I shall remember that my strength, which is severely lacking at this time in my life, is not what I should be living on. I must seek Him, living in His strength for I have not the strength to even get up most mornings let alone walk this road of moving to North Dakota, dealing with Fibromyalgia and the possibility of Autoimmune Hepatitis or Sjogren's Syndrome or both. God is mighty to save, He is my Rock, my Redeemer, my Fortress, my Strength!
I have long desired to write, to create devotional books that would form desires in the readers hearts to know more, not about me, about Him. I have thought that I would like my writing style to maybe match the format and style of Beth Moore - for many years my inspiration. Yet as I am reading through Come Away My Beloved, I am feeling more and more compelled to write as Frances J. Roberts wrote. Her words a soothing balm to the Christian warriors war torn life, she pulls you to the feet of Jesus where you bask in His sweet gentle embrace. What a precious gift she has, how wonderful that she should glorify God so fully with it. This is my desire, to be able to not only draw someone in but lead them fully and completely into His presence.
Let me just share a few lines from the most recent devotions I've been reading...
As I have been reading the section entitled "Learn to Reign" which I believe should have been three different devotionals, the first of which I would have entitled, "More than Conquerers" - it's from this section that I will be quoting but first you'll need a little background. This part of the devotional is talking about our battle against Satan. It is noted that as soldiers going into battle we would not enter without preparation, ample ammunition, and intensive training. God does not expect us to meet our adversary ill-equipped or unarmed, but He does not want us to think it's some sort of magic either. She reminds us, from Jesus' perspective that "He is not out to torment. He is out to destroy, not to hurt you, but to crush you. Your strength is no match for him. You must learn how to lay claim to the throne of God. I have met him and won already as I hung on the cross. Now YOU must find the way of victory yourselves...do not cry out to Me in the hour of crisis and distress as though I would extend some miracle in answer to prayer. Of course I do answer prayer and I can perform miracles and bring deliverance, but if I do this, I have only rescued one of My own out of trouble while you have won no victory at all!"
I had never thought about the battles or struggles we face as being training grounds for victories in Christ. I haven't realized the extent to which God will go in order to provide the training we need. I am, however, grateful for His faithfulness to me and that He will NOT just leave me hanging in these instances.
I want to be MORE than just a conquerer though. I want to leave a footprint. I realize I'm no more than a player and not even a "headliner" in this thing we call life. My impact in this world will be small to be sure, but I also want it to be MIGHTY. Can I accomplish this? Is this even remotely possible? Well, the path I am currently on will provide some answers sometime down the road. Until then I shall remember that my strength, which is severely lacking at this time in my life, is not what I should be living on. I must seek Him, living in His strength for I have not the strength to even get up most mornings let alone walk this road of moving to North Dakota, dealing with Fibromyalgia and the possibility of Autoimmune Hepatitis or Sjogren's Syndrome or both. God is mighty to save, He is my Rock, my Redeemer, my Fortress, my Strength!
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