50 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED AND LOVED IN 50 YEARS OF LIFE

I turn 50 on Friday! I am trying to embrace this next half of my life with exuberance. If I live as long as my Memere - I still have another 52 years to go! SO...thought I'd share a few things I've learned and loved about the first 1/2 century of my life...

1. I love the fact that I was born in Japan...at an Airforce Base...that no longer exists.
2. I loved growing up in Aurora, Colorado during the 70's and 80's.
3. I absolutely loved playing "Little House on the Prairie" with Helen Lawler. (I was short, had buck teeth so I was always half-pint.)
4. I learned that I could ride my bike for a bit of a distance - like to the Aurora Mall (8 miles round trip) or to church (18 miles round trip) - however I can't do it anymore...remember, Ohio, bike trip fail - too late at night, bike path was dark and barely made it to the ice cream shop - but enjoyed that ice cream and a CAR ride home from friends.
5. I love that my Catholic education afforded me amazing grammar teachers who beat those rules into my head so soundly that I still know them today. (Thanks Mrs. Blair)
6. I've learned that I am somewhat naive and gullible...still.
7. I learned that being a single parent is HARD WORK (even though my tour was brief.)
8. I learned that WORDS become ingrained in a soul and cause you to do things that don't make sense. It's hard to get them out once they're in. 
9. I've learned that GOD IS GOOD.
10. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE living in small towns.
11. I love nature walks. (not hikes...just walks...)
12. I love sunrises and sunsets - the beauty, the colors, love it all!
13. I learned that prayers of righteous people prevail (and help bring you to a saving knowledge of Jesus. Thanks Glenella!)
14. I learned GOD IS PERSISTENT.
15. I learned that once you drink of the Living Water you have an insatiable desire for more...not thirsty, but longing! 
16. I have learned that we are going to make mistakes in life - lots of them - always ask for forgiveness and take responsibility for them. 
17. I learned that staying HUMBLE is hard work! 
18. I love God's beauty displayed in nature. 
19. I learned to always rise to challenges presented and give God the glory.
20. I learned that I NEED JESUS!
21. I've learned if you think you can't you're probably right, however, HE can! 
22. I love that when I'm living for Him my life is NEVER boring!
23. I love young people and their energy and exuberance are contagious. 
24. I love photography...of abstract items and candids of people.
25. I learned that 25 years of marriage is a huge milestone that should be celebrated. :)
26. I love having four daughters - it's a blessing and I am sad for the people who feel sorry for us. (If only they could have seen our amazing family!)
27. I learned that when moving across country you must PURGE (done it twice - SO FREEING!)
28. I've learned that SIMPLICITY is also freeing. 
29. I love adventures on random backroads through ghost towns. yep! 
30. I've learned GOD IS FAITHFUL.
31. I learned HOSPITALITY is the HEARTBEAT of our home.
32. I love having an autoimmune disease because it is a constant reminder that I live in HIS strength alone! 
33. I love speaking to groups of women and sharing the LOVE of JESUS with them.
34. I learned relationships take work and time and love...lots of love!
35. I learned that losing your health can be devastating and fortifying all at the same time.
36. I've learned GOD CONVICTS in the best possible ways.
37. I've learned FAMILY is IMPORTANT! 
38. I've learned unconditional love is as much a blessing to give as it is to receive.
39. I've learned you can put a city girl on a farm and she will LOVE it!
40. I love DOGS - been unreasonably fearful of them since I was five and had a german shepherd come after me - but since we took on service dog training - through Lilith, I have come to love animals and LOVE our two sweet dogs, Sadie and Ryder you are AMAZING! 
41. I learned some things never change...I STILL LOVE CHOCOLATE!
42. I love my silver gray hair! 
43. I learned about SHEMA - the great commandment - to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and to Love your neighbor as yourself. And with SHEMA you remind yourself of this commandment three times a day - a great practice (you should try it sometime! :)
44. I've learned I love to write and that I am afraid to write a book because I fear rejection and I need to get over myself.
45. I've learned healing takes time.
46. I've learned to love fiercely because our days are numbered.
47. I've learned that you lose a bit of inhibition as you age and say things you never thought you would...ever.
48. I love taking my family with me wherever I go whenever possible. (Loved doing that when they were young. Love it still!)
49. I've learned a good marriage takes intentionality and perseverance and is SO WORTH IT!
50. I've learned people still love you even if you're OLD. hehe! 

WHEN THE ENEMY IS PERSISTENT

We have a big event coming up soon! The Women's Retreat for our church - "Come As You Are" is just a short time away. As we prepare for the event I am feeling the pressure mounting from the spiritual forces of darkness (sounds ominous, I know - but it is). I've been involved in events in the past and experienced this - but I find the enemy is crafty in his approach and uses the most unexpected places to discourage soldiers of Christ. This would be the case once again! It's amazing how the enemy will attack you in areas where you thought you were confident. (act out in pride.) 

The place God took me during this particularly spiritual warfare-laden night was Romans. As I evaluated my situation God initially had me reading Romans 8:1-2 "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." So those whispers of condemnation were not of God - they were the enemy trying to discourage and dissuade me from my task. As I evaluated I asked God some questions, 

"Why did I volunteer to lead worship for the women's retreat?" 

"Is my heart in the right place Lord?" 

From there he took me to Romans 12:3 - "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourself by the faith God has given us." 

So...You think my heart isn't right Lord?
No...that's not what I want you to focus on.
OH???
I want you to evaluate your pride AND your heart. Because you should never think you are better than you really are and I want you to settle in your heart just what it is that has you questioning the role you've been given in this event. Be honest in your evaluation - measure yourself by the faith I've given you and not by what others think. 

This led me to Proverbs 3:5-6

Eventually He brought me back to Romans 12. As I read this chapter over and over I constantly paused at this verse... "If God has given you leadership ability take the responsbility seriously." 

So Lord, you think I haven't taken this responsbility seriously? 
It's not that you haven't taken it seriously, it's more about the focus. What are you focusing on? Perfection and presentation? Or ministry and transformation? 
So, this responsbility is serious and must be taken seriously but from the vantage point of ministering and transforming lives? 
What has the scriptures told you? 
They've told me - "don't just pretend to love others - REALLY LOVE them." to "HOLD TIGHTLY to what is good...to SERVE you with ENTHUSIASM...to BE PATIENT in trouble and KEEP PRAYING...and not to let evil conquer me but to CONQUER EVIL by DOING GOOD." 

After writing this chapter out a couple times, I ended up with this list of reminders in my times of struggle with a persistent enemy...

1. Honestly assess yourself.
2. Be full of integrity and humility.
3. Take your leadership responsbility seriously.
4. Love everybody genuinely.
5. Change the way you think - be transformed.
6. Shut up and keep praying.
7. Serve enthusiastically.
8. Rejoice in your confident Hope.
9. Conquer evil by doing good.
10. Live in harmony.
11. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.

This list has come in handy over the past few days. The enemy hasn't let up and things keep popping up that make life a little crazy and some days difficult - but I know where my Hope lies. I know that His love and strength are what will get me through the days and that ultimately - it's in that strength that I desire to put forth the effort because I want to do all things in His name and for His glory! 

So whether it has to do with building a house, working on taxes, keeping up with my job, leading praise team, supporting the retreat committee, an interstitial cystitis flare, a fibromyalgia flare, I am going to praise Him through it all. Mainly because the enemy would have me do otherwise and I'm a rebel. 

When the Pain is Too Great

Pain...
There are days when this word DEFINES me. I can honestly say, and I don't use this term lightly, there are days when I hate it. Then I have to check myself and look at what is going on and remind myself to be thankful, grateful, to look to the One who makes it possible for me to deal with this pain, the one who has kept it under wraps and bearable for this long. Having the pain hit right around Easter is a humbling experience to say the least. Thinking about all He endured on my behalf, pain that I cannot even imagine, leaves me biting my tongue and rethinking my personal response to my own discomfort. That's really all it is...discomfort. I've not been maimed, beaten until unrecognizable, had a huge cross place upon my back to carry through the dirt roads and up a hill. NO, my pain is really nothing and yet it's everything. It keeps me from doing what I want to do. It keeps me from accomplishing all that I have to accomplish. It keeps me from participating in things I want to participate in. HOWEVER...it also keeps me focused on God. It also keeps me cognizant of those around me who are also suffering. It keeps me from ever thinking I can do things in my own strength. It keeps me relying on HIM!

I think the difficult part of this pain, this time, is the fact that I have had a lengthy reprieve. I have been blessed to have had nearly eight months of minimal pain, tolerable pain and some days, what felt like zero pain. It was such a blessing, I had almost forgotten just how awful the pain could be. THEN IT HIT...and I was NOT prepared for it...AT.ALL...

For a couple days I floundered in my own world filled with pity parties and an exorbitant amount of dark chocolate covered almonds. Then I began to pull myself out of my self-inflicted misery and turned my attention to the One who could make the pain go away. I dove into the Word. I searched for passages on strength and courage. I prayed them out loud and asked Him to transform me into a person who exemplifies just that - God's strength and courage. I am definitely not there yet, but God is working on me!

As the pain continues - my knees ache, my elbows have their nodules and sensitivities to touch, my arms have a constant dull ache in them and my "paw" game I played with Sadie will have to hold off because just a slight hit from one of her puppy teeth sends me reeling. There's also the gut pain - the internal organs protesting my Easter gluttony have led to internal spasms that keep me up at night. Then to add to it all I have a diverticulitis flare happening that just started today. SO, as the pain progressively worsens, I am looking to Him to be my strength!

SO...to keep me from wallowing in self pity again - feel free to leave me a note about 

something you need prayer for. I would love to spend time in prayer FOR YOU! :)