I know we're supposed to be in North Dakota. How do I know? Because we have not had a minutes peace since we all arrived here. And when I talk peace I'm talking the "peace that surpasses all understanding." When we left the Cedarville bubble I never would have imagined the trials the Lord would allow us to pass through. We weren't here more than a month when the darkness began to consume us. It penetrated our hearts AND minds. The attack on our home not only spiritual but emotional. A loneliness that was all-consuming settled into our lives and it didn't matter how much retail therapy, family time or meals out we indulged in, we could not ward it off for a moment.
Within months we were all broken vessels and yet we had not been able to find any consolation. We tried various churches but those that ministered to us most were too far away for practicality. Each of us were so busy licking our wounds and trying to make sense of what was going on we, never realized how closed off we had become from one another. Each choosing their own way of dealing with the situation. Not every choice made was good, but God has been gracious.
God provided us with a roof over our heads - more than many who come to ND have. God has provided us all with good jobs - Daryl with his phone job, my office management job, Kenzi with her administrative job, Bailey with her dispatch position and even Sara has a great job! But as the saying goes, "money isn't everything." And that is what we've found.
As each of us sought solace in various ways some of our choices have had deep, painful repercussions. What we felt were broken vessels, were soon shattered. But in this state we found our survivor's instinct. Even with that however, we've crept forward so slowly from this place that we feel as though little to no progress has been made. I believe it's in these types of situations that the Lord does His finest work. True, inspired art is in the smallest of details. The beauty with woodcarving is in the intricacies and I believe the Lord has been etching more of Him into each of our hearts in a very intricate and intimate fashion. These testings and trials may seem to have held us back, but the question in my mind is why? What for? Where is God planning to take us from here?
As His timing is perfect, He brought us to a church where we are slowly but surely finding a home and our new spiritual family. The senior pastor has already poured into our lives by ministering to us during the beginning stages of our crisis. His compassion, honesty and gentleness served to draw out our hurt and fear. As each of us opened up and poured out those fears we began to find glimmers of hope. Hope that this isn't how it will always be. Hope that there's healing on the other side. Light has begun to shine in the darkness and it's not as daunting as we thought.
There's still a great deal of pain, but we have determined to take bigger steps towards healing and make further progress in our pursuit of ministering in North Dakota - just as we have always done wherever we've been.
Through the trials and the pain there is victory to gain.
Though the raging darkness come, there is only One
Who gives light amongst the shrouded path and graciously reveals
A future filled with hope and joy the enemy cannot steal.
So forge ahead dear child and see the journey through
For as an heir of his salvation, He has great plans for you!
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