50 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED AND LOVED IN 50 YEARS OF LIFE

I turn 50 on Friday! I am trying to embrace this next half of my life with exuberance. If I live as long as my Memere - I still have another 52 years to go! SO...thought I'd share a few things I've learned and loved about the first 1/2 century of my life...

1. I love the fact that I was born in Japan...at an Airforce Base...that no longer exists.
2. I loved growing up in Aurora, Colorado during the 70's and 80's.
3. I absolutely loved playing "Little House on the Prairie" with Helen Lawler. (I was short, had buck teeth so I was always half-pint.)
4. I learned that I could ride my bike for a bit of a distance - like to the Aurora Mall (8 miles round trip) or to church (18 miles round trip) - however I can't do it anymore...remember, Ohio, bike trip fail - too late at night, bike path was dark and barely made it to the ice cream shop - but enjoyed that ice cream and a CAR ride home from friends.
5. I love that my Catholic education afforded me amazing grammar teachers who beat those rules into my head so soundly that I still know them today. (Thanks Mrs. Blair)
6. I've learned that I am somewhat naive and gullible...still.
7. I learned that being a single parent is HARD WORK (even though my tour was brief.)
8. I learned that WORDS become ingrained in a soul and cause you to do things that don't make sense. It's hard to get them out once they're in. 
9. I've learned that GOD IS GOOD.
10. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE living in small towns.
11. I love nature walks. (not hikes...just walks...)
12. I love sunrises and sunsets - the beauty, the colors, love it all!
13. I learned that prayers of righteous people prevail (and help bring you to a saving knowledge of Jesus. Thanks Glenella!)
14. I learned GOD IS PERSISTENT.
15. I learned that once you drink of the Living Water you have an insatiable desire for more...not thirsty, but longing! 
16. I have learned that we are going to make mistakes in life - lots of them - always ask for forgiveness and take responsibility for them. 
17. I learned that staying HUMBLE is hard work! 
18. I love God's beauty displayed in nature. 
19. I learned to always rise to challenges presented and give God the glory.
20. I learned that I NEED JESUS!
21. I've learned if you think you can't you're probably right, however, HE can! 
22. I love that when I'm living for Him my life is NEVER boring!
23. I love young people and their energy and exuberance are contagious. 
24. I love photography...of abstract items and candids of people.
25. I learned that 25 years of marriage is a huge milestone that should be celebrated. :)
26. I love having four daughters - it's a blessing and I am sad for the people who feel sorry for us. (If only they could have seen our amazing family!)
27. I learned that when moving across country you must PURGE (done it twice - SO FREEING!)
28. I've learned that SIMPLICITY is also freeing. 
29. I love adventures on random backroads through ghost towns. yep! 
30. I've learned GOD IS FAITHFUL.
31. I learned HOSPITALITY is the HEARTBEAT of our home.
32. I love having an autoimmune disease because it is a constant reminder that I live in HIS strength alone! 
33. I love speaking to groups of women and sharing the LOVE of JESUS with them.
34. I learned relationships take work and time and love...lots of love!
35. I learned that losing your health can be devastating and fortifying all at the same time.
36. I've learned GOD CONVICTS in the best possible ways.
37. I've learned FAMILY is IMPORTANT! 
38. I've learned unconditional love is as much a blessing to give as it is to receive.
39. I've learned you can put a city girl on a farm and she will LOVE it!
40. I love DOGS - been unreasonably fearful of them since I was five and had a german shepherd come after me - but since we took on service dog training - through Lilith, I have come to love animals and LOVE our two sweet dogs, Sadie and Ryder you are AMAZING! 
41. I learned some things never change...I STILL LOVE CHOCOLATE!
42. I love my silver gray hair! 
43. I learned about SHEMA - the great commandment - to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and to Love your neighbor as yourself. And with SHEMA you remind yourself of this commandment three times a day - a great practice (you should try it sometime! :)
44. I've learned I love to write and that I am afraid to write a book because I fear rejection and I need to get over myself.
45. I've learned healing takes time.
46. I've learned to love fiercely because our days are numbered.
47. I've learned that you lose a bit of inhibition as you age and say things you never thought you would...ever.
48. I love taking my family with me wherever I go whenever possible. (Loved doing that when they were young. Love it still!)
49. I've learned a good marriage takes intentionality and perseverance and is SO WORTH IT!
50. I've learned people still love you even if you're OLD. hehe! 

WHEN THE ENEMY IS PERSISTENT

We have a big event coming up soon! The Women's Retreat for our church - "Come As You Are" is just a short time away. As we prepare for the event I am feeling the pressure mounting from the spiritual forces of darkness (sounds ominous, I know - but it is). I've been involved in events in the past and experienced this - but I find the enemy is crafty in his approach and uses the most unexpected places to discourage soldiers of Christ. This would be the case once again! It's amazing how the enemy will attack you in areas where you thought you were confident. (act out in pride.) 

The place God took me during this particularly spiritual warfare-laden night was Romans. As I evaluated my situation God initially had me reading Romans 8:1-2 "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." So those whispers of condemnation were not of God - they were the enemy trying to discourage and dissuade me from my task. As I evaluated I asked God some questions, 

"Why did I volunteer to lead worship for the women's retreat?" 

"Is my heart in the right place Lord?" 

From there he took me to Romans 12:3 - "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourself by the faith God has given us." 

So...You think my heart isn't right Lord?
No...that's not what I want you to focus on.
OH???
I want you to evaluate your pride AND your heart. Because you should never think you are better than you really are and I want you to settle in your heart just what it is that has you questioning the role you've been given in this event. Be honest in your evaluation - measure yourself by the faith I've given you and not by what others think. 

This led me to Proverbs 3:5-6

Eventually He brought me back to Romans 12. As I read this chapter over and over I constantly paused at this verse... "If God has given you leadership ability take the responsbility seriously." 

So Lord, you think I haven't taken this responsbility seriously? 
It's not that you haven't taken it seriously, it's more about the focus. What are you focusing on? Perfection and presentation? Or ministry and transformation? 
So, this responsbility is serious and must be taken seriously but from the vantage point of ministering and transforming lives? 
What has the scriptures told you? 
They've told me - "don't just pretend to love others - REALLY LOVE them." to "HOLD TIGHTLY to what is good...to SERVE you with ENTHUSIASM...to BE PATIENT in trouble and KEEP PRAYING...and not to let evil conquer me but to CONQUER EVIL by DOING GOOD." 

After writing this chapter out a couple times, I ended up with this list of reminders in my times of struggle with a persistent enemy...

1. Honestly assess yourself.
2. Be full of integrity and humility.
3. Take your leadership responsbility seriously.
4. Love everybody genuinely.
5. Change the way you think - be transformed.
6. Shut up and keep praying.
7. Serve enthusiastically.
8. Rejoice in your confident Hope.
9. Conquer evil by doing good.
10. Live in harmony.
11. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.

This list has come in handy over the past few days. The enemy hasn't let up and things keep popping up that make life a little crazy and some days difficult - but I know where my Hope lies. I know that His love and strength are what will get me through the days and that ultimately - it's in that strength that I desire to put forth the effort because I want to do all things in His name and for His glory! 

So whether it has to do with building a house, working on taxes, keeping up with my job, leading praise team, supporting the retreat committee, an interstitial cystitis flare, a fibromyalgia flare, I am going to praise Him through it all. Mainly because the enemy would have me do otherwise and I'm a rebel. 

BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED

INTRODUCTION
First of all it's probably time to reintroduce myself. It's been awhile. But this...is me...

 This is me about a year ago - on my AIP Diet.  This is me today - after 4 months on SAD Diet.

Admittedly, it's not a great shot and one was taken in a yellow bathroom while the other was taken in my new house. BUT...you will notice two things - my face is swollen in the picture on the right, my eyes aren't as clear and my hair is "lifeless." I am grateful that my skin tone has maintained but I have a healthier glow even though I look yellow.

I am Yuki and I have been living my autoimmune adventure for several years now but was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2011.  From 2013-2014 I was under the care of an amazing naturopath who encouraged me to maintain a strict diet, use supplements and detox my body. Because of his work I was basically thriving until recently when I decided to chuck it all and eat like everybody else. It started with just ONE DAY...one day of ditching the diet - Thanksgiving, then it led to two, and you I'm sure you can figure out the rest. My body began to crave sugar, to crave breads and grains, and I began to have inflammation issues, the pain in the joints and muscles began to increase from it's gentle state of 3-4 to running around 6-8. My mobility began to suffer and my energy has been non-existent. Keeping up with life has been difficult...

My refuge is my comfy bed with my heated mattress pad!!

My strength comes from one place and one place only. 

I've been working on a Jennie Allen study called Restless. This study is focusing in on the struggles of Joseph and the suffering he went through but ultimately focuses on Jesus and how He suffered and how His suffering makes Him our ultimate advocate with our God. It is He that understands all that suffering entails and relates it to His purposes for our lives. 

 As tonight's study stated, "the greatest thing you have to give to the world could be hidden in your darkest moments. What if your scars point to a greater story? Every time I want to be mad at God because of suffering (whether it is my own or someone else) he shows me JESUS.

I have known Jesus most deeply in suffering; he seems to inhabit suffering and he endured it first."

"His glory will be revealed, and those who have suffered most will be the most overjoyed."

My suffering is not anything to write home about. My suffering is very character building and God has used it to transform my heart and mind to be stayed on Him. He has used it to make me more aware of my need for His intervention, His healing, His promises, His faithfulness. He is my strength and my portion forever and it's because of Him that I have been able to come back from something so debilitating, so depleting of life, that I can sit here and type this blog post. The idea that I can even walk without being crumpled over. The idea that I can think without the fog of prescription pain killers clouding my thoughts. GOD IS GOOD. But I have fallen off the "wagon" so-to-speak. And I am struggling to get back on. Maintaining this lifestyle of Autoimmune Protocol eating and cutting out the foods that are stimulating the interstitial cystitis IS hard. It is a journey whose path I traveled once and will travel again. My next post will elaborate on those foods that I had to cut initially because of how broken-down my body was. It's an incredible testimony to a great God and His hand in my life! 

PONDERING THE PROMISE (When God Makes a Promise...He Keeps It!)

Today is Day 12 of the 40 Days of Praise Challenge. It's been an interesting ride so far! I've learned so much about God through the depth of the Scriptures that I had not forged before and through the encouragement of the women that are traveling this road with me!

Rather than being vague - I will be completely transparent. There have been many challenges in my life that would present opportunity for the Lord to be my comforter. Those include several moves where I found myself engulfed in loneliness and steeped in depression. They include turning over my children to the Lord at various times in their lives during some trying and yes even some rebellious moments. Moments where they were injured, car accidents, and even a time where one ran away and left my heart broken and in unimaginable pain. Grieving over choices made and painful consequences. It was God's comfort and grace that saw me through those moments but the most challenging time in my life is the health issues I have been dealing with for more than five years now. Debilitating illness that left me nearly bedridden for several months and in so much pain throughout my entire body that I threw myself at His feet for comfort and relief. 

While reading Psalm 119:48-52, I zeroed in on the word "PROMISE". I don't know why but the pull to communicate a little more clearly what the Psalmist is talking about here was strong. We all know that God made promises to his people and I have professed my faith in Him in the keeping of those promises, but have never felt so driven to be able to articulate this more clearly than now. Our hope and our comfort are found here...the promise, that we would be reconciled to God. 

Hebrews 9 declares the first covenant between God and Israel had regulations for worship that were very specific - including the measurements and technical elements involved with the building of the tabernacle to the particular sacrifices to be made for the atonement of the sins of men. There were two rooms - one was called the Holy Place, the other the Most Holy Place. (Read Hebrews 9:1-5) The priests were required to regularly enter and perform religious duties. But only the high priest ever entered the Most Holy Place, and only once a year. There he made blood offerings for his own sins and the sins of the people. "The Most Holy Place was not freely open...the gifts and sacrifices that the priests offer are not able to cleanse the consciences of the people who bring them." (He. 9:8-9) These physical regulations were in effect only until a "better system" could be established. "So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood, not the blood of goats and calves - he entered the Most Holy place once for all time and secured our redemption forever! For Christ did not enter into a holy place made with human hands, which was only a copy of the true one in heaven. He entered into heaven itself to appear now before God on our behalf...once and for all he has appeared at the end of the age to remove sin by his own death as a sacrifice. Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him." (Heb. 9:11-28)

"And so dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." Hebrews 10:19-24 NLT 

Could not have said this better myself. Seriously, the Word of God has all this and more and I think I get so busy with life I don't focus in on the important, life-transforming word's within this book. There's beautiful communion to be found with our Lord when we take the time to humbly sift through the pages of our Bible and focus in on the many aspects within that relate to our Creator and His chosen people. Our COMFORT is truly found in His promises and that is why I believe God tugged at my heart to dig deeper into His Promise! Praying you found comfort in these truths as well! 

FOR THOSE WHO MOURN

There's a lot going on in the world. Everyday there are lives lost. We see them, we think of them, we are sorry for them, but for the most part, we don't feel them. Until it's close to home.

I'm at that age now where we're watching the home-going of many friends parents and grandparents. I am keenly aware of the flood of emotions that the grief of this separation brings. I've experienced grief at it's depths. I never knew how deeply it penetrated until I found myself in the midst of it. I believe God allowed this experience that I may know and understand others pain and be compassionate towards them. But with this understanding comes the thought of - why would God want us to experience such a depth of grief as this?

Our Creator is a passionate, emotional God. He's not some gavel wielding judge sitting up there in heaven looking down on his creation without thought of all we're going through. Even his Son who walked the earth, took on the form of man (emotions and all) felt deeply, was moved to compassion, grieved so passionately he sweat blood. God weeps for his children. He knows our pain. We were created in HIS image. So, I believe it's natural that we should possess the same emotional infrastructure that our Lord has. He longs for us to love deeply, to have compassion on his creation, to desire to be in relationship - without all this emotional circuitry we would not have a desire for relationship with HIM. Though it comes with a price, it is a bittersweet reminder of all that we have.

Without those emotional bonds we would not miss those we love, we would not even love them. We would simply exist and walk through life numb to all it's beauty and grace.

Today a friend lost his wife suddenly, a heart attack. They are both extremely hard working, honest, good people. They worked hard for everything they have. They love their children and provide so much for them and want to see them succeed in life. They have sacrificed so much for their family. But today, his world has been turned upside-down. Today, he knows grief as he's never experienced before. Today, just months from retirement, his best friend is gone. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes where it talks of meaningless pursuits in chapters 1 and 2. In chapter 4 he talks about the advantages of companionship.

  "Two people are better off than one, 

for they can help each other succeed."

(Ecclesiastes 4:9)

 This epitomizes this couple. They were a formidable pair - each one encouraging the other on to success. "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer." They have done this. They have conquered much in their lifetime. Their children are their legacy. But without emotional attachment, this never would have been possible.

So through all of this I am reminded that everything has a season. We are all in various seasons of life - we all have responsibilities specific to that season we're in. There really are no shortcuts in life - and if there were, we would miss out on the richness of the journey!

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

My friend may have lost his love, but the legacy they have built throughout their life still stands. Their children will gather round him and mourn with him and they will share stories of how she lived life to the full, how she loved greatly, how she worked hard. They will know that for all the seasons she journeyed, she gave everything she had. It doesn't ease the pain of separation, the suddenness of the loss, but a life well lived is a blessing at these times - for the fullness and joy of their passion for living prevails in the hearts of those they loved.

For those who mourn - it becomes an ebb and flow. Our society does not allow for grieving. It's sad. The Jewish people have a better grasp on mourning - knowing that it must take place in community or the person may be sucked down into the depths of their despair. They have a plan - they allow the person to grieve deeply and quietly alone - for a little while. Then the family and community share in the grief and gather round them. They walk through this initial time of grieving for an entire year. They know that this is the hardest time for them. They see to it that the grieving one is encouraged to engage in life again over time. It's not required of them to participate in all things and they don't expect them to always be smiling and act as if everything is okay - however, they are supported and encouraged to share their struggles and not seclude themselves.

There are things that remind me of the one I loved and lost. There are times I struggle through the memories and tears will occasionally sneak out and other times I cry me a river - literally. I can't make it stop and in some ways I don't want to. I just need it to wash over my soul and renew me. There is strength in those tears, strength to keep moving forward, strength to keep living - so don't make someone grieving stop crying. Give them your shoulder instead. Grab some tissues and join them. Hold their hand and quietly sit with them and let them refresh their soul.