BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED

INTRODUCTION
First of all it's probably time to reintroduce myself. It's been awhile. But this...is me...

 This is me about a year ago - on my AIP Diet.  This is me today - after 4 months on SAD Diet.

Admittedly, it's not a great shot and one was taken in a yellow bathroom while the other was taken in my new house. BUT...you will notice two things - my face is swollen in the picture on the right, my eyes aren't as clear and my hair is "lifeless." I am grateful that my skin tone has maintained but I have a healthier glow even though I look yellow.

I am Yuki and I have been living my autoimmune adventure for several years now but was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2011.  From 2013-2014 I was under the care of an amazing naturopath who encouraged me to maintain a strict diet, use supplements and detox my body. Because of his work I was basically thriving until recently when I decided to chuck it all and eat like everybody else. It started with just ONE DAY...one day of ditching the diet - Thanksgiving, then it led to two, and you I'm sure you can figure out the rest. My body began to crave sugar, to crave breads and grains, and I began to have inflammation issues, the pain in the joints and muscles began to increase from it's gentle state of 3-4 to running around 6-8. My mobility began to suffer and my energy has been non-existent. Keeping up with life has been difficult...

My refuge is my comfy bed with my heated mattress pad!!

My strength comes from one place and one place only. 

I've been working on a Jennie Allen study called Restless. This study is focusing in on the struggles of Joseph and the suffering he went through but ultimately focuses on Jesus and how He suffered and how His suffering makes Him our ultimate advocate with our God. It is He that understands all that suffering entails and relates it to His purposes for our lives. 

 As tonight's study stated, "the greatest thing you have to give to the world could be hidden in your darkest moments. What if your scars point to a greater story? Every time I want to be mad at God because of suffering (whether it is my own or someone else) he shows me JESUS.

I have known Jesus most deeply in suffering; he seems to inhabit suffering and he endured it first."

"His glory will be revealed, and those who have suffered most will be the most overjoyed."

My suffering is not anything to write home about. My suffering is very character building and God has used it to transform my heart and mind to be stayed on Him. He has used it to make me more aware of my need for His intervention, His healing, His promises, His faithfulness. He is my strength and my portion forever and it's because of Him that I have been able to come back from something so debilitating, so depleting of life, that I can sit here and type this blog post. The idea that I can even walk without being crumpled over. The idea that I can think without the fog of prescription pain killers clouding my thoughts. GOD IS GOOD. But I have fallen off the "wagon" so-to-speak. And I am struggling to get back on. Maintaining this lifestyle of Autoimmune Protocol eating and cutting out the foods that are stimulating the interstitial cystitis IS hard. It is a journey whose path I traveled once and will travel again. My next post will elaborate on those foods that I had to cut initially because of how broken-down my body was. It's an incredible testimony to a great God and His hand in my life! 

When the Pain is Too Great

Pain...
There are days when this word DEFINES me. I can honestly say, and I don't use this term lightly, there are days when I hate it. Then I have to check myself and look at what is going on and remind myself to be thankful, grateful, to look to the One who makes it possible for me to deal with this pain, the one who has kept it under wraps and bearable for this long. Having the pain hit right around Easter is a humbling experience to say the least. Thinking about all He endured on my behalf, pain that I cannot even imagine, leaves me biting my tongue and rethinking my personal response to my own discomfort. That's really all it is...discomfort. I've not been maimed, beaten until unrecognizable, had a huge cross place upon my back to carry through the dirt roads and up a hill. NO, my pain is really nothing and yet it's everything. It keeps me from doing what I want to do. It keeps me from accomplishing all that I have to accomplish. It keeps me from participating in things I want to participate in. HOWEVER...it also keeps me focused on God. It also keeps me cognizant of those around me who are also suffering. It keeps me from ever thinking I can do things in my own strength. It keeps me relying on HIM!

I think the difficult part of this pain, this time, is the fact that I have had a lengthy reprieve. I have been blessed to have had nearly eight months of minimal pain, tolerable pain and some days, what felt like zero pain. It was such a blessing, I had almost forgotten just how awful the pain could be. THEN IT HIT...and I was NOT prepared for it...AT.ALL...

For a couple days I floundered in my own world filled with pity parties and an exorbitant amount of dark chocolate covered almonds. Then I began to pull myself out of my self-inflicted misery and turned my attention to the One who could make the pain go away. I dove into the Word. I searched for passages on strength and courage. I prayed them out loud and asked Him to transform me into a person who exemplifies just that - God's strength and courage. I am definitely not there yet, but God is working on me!

As the pain continues - my knees ache, my elbows have their nodules and sensitivities to touch, my arms have a constant dull ache in them and my "paw" game I played with Sadie will have to hold off because just a slight hit from one of her puppy teeth sends me reeling. There's also the gut pain - the internal organs protesting my Easter gluttony have led to internal spasms that keep me up at night. Then to add to it all I have a diverticulitis flare happening that just started today. SO, as the pain progressively worsens, I am looking to Him to be my strength!

SO...to keep me from wallowing in self pity again - feel free to leave me a note about 

something you need prayer for. I would love to spend time in prayer FOR YOU! :)