THE BULLY IN YOUR LIFE

I had a dream the other night. I hardly ever remember my dreams but when I do they're usually rather exciting. This one came about, most likely, because of binge watching murder mysteries. I have a penchant for mysteries of any kind and only recently began indulging it. The strangeness about this dream is the feeling that it wasn't the first time I have had it.

In the dream I found myself alone in the crowd with a menacing figure lurking in the shadows. This figure continually followed me, no matter how hard I tried to lose it, it would inevitably find me. When I sought refuge I was either laughed at for being paranoid or scorned for being stupid. Most people went on their merry way, never regarding my plight as serious. It was all on me to deal with this menace. The dream became interesting when, for the first time since having this dream, the menacing figure materialized from shadow to man. It was a man, dirty and disheveled, creepy, quirky and daunting. The figure was also aged and clumsy and I found that rather odd. Then it became apparent that the figure would continue to haunt me unless I met it head on. I didn't FEEL brave enough for this step, but somewhere deep down finally found the courage to go toe-to-toe with this bully that constantly harrassed me. I brandished my concealed carry, pointed it at him and told him to leave and never come back. He tried to get around it, he tried several meager attempts at bullying again, but he'd lost his power when I found the courage to face him, the strength to acknowledge his threats and upon doing so found them to be empty. The threat was diffused and his power was lost and he finally gave up and moved on. I awoke heart pounding, adrenaline pumping, and a peace came over me. I went back to sleep, but when I woke up this morning God was knocking on the door of my heart. He wanted to provide an interpretation to the dream. This has never happened before and I rolled over thinking surely I could sleep a little longer, but my mind began formulating a practical lesson from my dream.

So here I am, processing through it.

I believe we all deal with bullies in our lives. These bullies come in many forms - whether they be financial struggles, physical struggles, emotional struggles, or spiritual struggles. When we struggle and we hold onto them and don't allow God to take those struggles and transform us - they become that dark meancing figure lurking in the shadows. That figure is constantly threatening to expose us and our weaknesses. Being vulnerable is not something we enjoy, it can be painful, it creates fear. That fear caused by the lurking figure is real. God wants to deal with it, but first He requires we acknowledge it and bring it to Him.

It was attributed to King David that he was a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22) But David had his share of bullying prior to taking the throne and his own challenges as a leader. As a young boy David was annointed to be the next King of God's people. Saul was their King at the time. King Saul was not of sound mind, when King Saul was feeling tormented (bullied), David was engaged to play the harp. David is also known for his bravery. He killed the giant Goliath with his sling and a stone. Jealousy for David and his popularity began to consume King Saul and he threatened David's life. After King Saul hurled a second spear at David he went into hiding from that bully, fearing for his life. How could this brave man, this future king, tuck tail and run like that? Didn't he know God had his back? I love how this shows the humanity of David - though he was a man after God's own heart, he struggled in a very real way during some pivotal character building moments in his life. (Start at 1 Samuel 15 to get the full story.)

What are the bullies in your life? What can you bring to your Savior and leave at the foot of the cross? What area(s) of your life consistently cause your heart to race, your palms to sweat, your words to fail you, when it comes up? Take some time to write it down, pray over it and find scripture to back up God's position regarding that bully. Then square off with it, give it to God and tell it that it no longer has power over you - tell it to take a hike. This isn't a miracle recipe for dealing with struggles, but it is a great starting point to a transformed life. Many of our bullies are of our own making, brought on by a heart that entertains sin in some fashion. We must acknowledge the sin and confess it in order to be freed from it. Until you do, the enemy has a foothold into your life and will continue to pour fear into your heart and be that dark learing shadow.

But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, 

you descendants of Abraham my friend,

I took you from the ends of the earth,

from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, "You are my servant"; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;

those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.

Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. 

Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

"Do not fear, I will help you."

Isaiah 41:8-13

50 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED AND LOVED IN 50 YEARS OF LIFE

I turn 50 on Friday! I am trying to embrace this next half of my life with exuberance. If I live as long as my Memere - I still have another 52 years to go! SO...thought I'd share a few things I've learned and loved about the first 1/2 century of my life...

1. I love the fact that I was born in Japan...at an Airforce Base...that no longer exists.
2. I loved growing up in Aurora, Colorado during the 70's and 80's.
3. I absolutely loved playing "Little House on the Prairie" with Helen Lawler. (I was short, had buck teeth so I was always half-pint.)
4. I learned that I could ride my bike for a bit of a distance - like to the Aurora Mall (8 miles round trip) or to church (18 miles round trip) - however I can't do it anymore...remember, Ohio, bike trip fail - too late at night, bike path was dark and barely made it to the ice cream shop - but enjoyed that ice cream and a CAR ride home from friends.
5. I love that my Catholic education afforded me amazing grammar teachers who beat those rules into my head so soundly that I still know them today. (Thanks Mrs. Blair)
6. I've learned that I am somewhat naive and gullible...still.
7. I learned that being a single parent is HARD WORK (even though my tour was brief.)
8. I learned that WORDS become ingrained in a soul and cause you to do things that don't make sense. It's hard to get them out once they're in. 
9. I've learned that GOD IS GOOD.
10. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE living in small towns.
11. I love nature walks. (not hikes...just walks...)
12. I love sunrises and sunsets - the beauty, the colors, love it all!
13. I learned that prayers of righteous people prevail (and help bring you to a saving knowledge of Jesus. Thanks Glenella!)
14. I learned GOD IS PERSISTENT.
15. I learned that once you drink of the Living Water you have an insatiable desire for more...not thirsty, but longing! 
16. I have learned that we are going to make mistakes in life - lots of them - always ask for forgiveness and take responsibility for them. 
17. I learned that staying HUMBLE is hard work! 
18. I love God's beauty displayed in nature. 
19. I learned to always rise to challenges presented and give God the glory.
20. I learned that I NEED JESUS!
21. I've learned if you think you can't you're probably right, however, HE can! 
22. I love that when I'm living for Him my life is NEVER boring!
23. I love young people and their energy and exuberance are contagious. 
24. I love photography...of abstract items and candids of people.
25. I learned that 25 years of marriage is a huge milestone that should be celebrated. :)
26. I love having four daughters - it's a blessing and I am sad for the people who feel sorry for us. (If only they could have seen our amazing family!)
27. I learned that when moving across country you must PURGE (done it twice - SO FREEING!)
28. I've learned that SIMPLICITY is also freeing. 
29. I love adventures on random backroads through ghost towns. yep! 
30. I've learned GOD IS FAITHFUL.
31. I learned HOSPITALITY is the HEARTBEAT of our home.
32. I love having an autoimmune disease because it is a constant reminder that I live in HIS strength alone! 
33. I love speaking to groups of women and sharing the LOVE of JESUS with them.
34. I learned relationships take work and time and love...lots of love!
35. I learned that losing your health can be devastating and fortifying all at the same time.
36. I've learned GOD CONVICTS in the best possible ways.
37. I've learned FAMILY is IMPORTANT! 
38. I've learned unconditional love is as much a blessing to give as it is to receive.
39. I've learned you can put a city girl on a farm and she will LOVE it!
40. I love DOGS - been unreasonably fearful of them since I was five and had a german shepherd come after me - but since we took on service dog training - through Lilith, I have come to love animals and LOVE our two sweet dogs, Sadie and Ryder you are AMAZING! 
41. I learned some things never change...I STILL LOVE CHOCOLATE!
42. I love my silver gray hair! 
43. I learned about SHEMA - the great commandment - to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and to Love your neighbor as yourself. And with SHEMA you remind yourself of this commandment three times a day - a great practice (you should try it sometime! :)
44. I've learned I love to write and that I am afraid to write a book because I fear rejection and I need to get over myself.
45. I've learned healing takes time.
46. I've learned to love fiercely because our days are numbered.
47. I've learned that you lose a bit of inhibition as you age and say things you never thought you would...ever.
48. I love taking my family with me wherever I go whenever possible. (Loved doing that when they were young. Love it still!)
49. I've learned a good marriage takes intentionality and perseverance and is SO WORTH IT!
50. I've learned people still love you even if you're OLD. hehe! 

LIFE IS MESSY - Surviving 40 days of Trials & Tribulations

Sometimes journaling gets really hard. I love to post positive things and uplifting, thought provoking posts - but sometimes, I just can't. I love writing. I love letting you all know what's going on here on the farm and in my crazy life. But sometimes - life gets to be too much and you don't even want to TRY to put it into words. That's where I've been now for the past three months. Life's been heavy. It seemed at every turn something overwhelming and burdensome was introduced. At times I just wanted to stop the rollercoaster I was on because I was so tempted to JUMP OFF! But I stayed with it, believe me, it wasn't easy.

You know those rollercoasters - the mammoth ones, where the cars slowly click...click...click their way up to the top of the first hill? Then you get up there to the top and you hold your breathe because you don't know when it's going to begin it's descent...crashing down into the curves, jostling you until you think your ribs are jumbled and streaming along at speeds so fast they take your breath away?!?! THAT was the roller coaster I was on. It started with my Dad's heart attack. We'd received news just a few days prior to that Tuesday and we were already plodding up that hill...
click...click...click...

Then Tuesday morning arrived. I was laying in bed and watching the sunrise and had to take a picture - it was SO red! And then I remembered my Fit Farmer's saying - "Red skies at night, sailors delight. Red skies in the morning, sailors take warning." I posted the picture, the saying and chuckled - then started my day. Within minutes of that post I received a text from my sister saying that Dad had a heart attack, it was bad - she would keep us posted. At first is was a stunned - my heart wasn't racing, I was processing through the implications...

click...click...click...

As the family texts continued (there are seven of us children) I saw that two of my sisters who lived out of state had already booked flights and were heading home. Still I had not responded.
click...click...click...

I couldn't wrap my head around it. This news came at a time when I was already debating on taking time to go a different direction to support another family member. My heart was completely torn. I had just returned from a 10 day vacation with my daughter's family. I had to catch up on work. I knew in my heart I could bring my computer and TRY to work from the hospital - but I also knew how little would get done. It had been 30 minutes. I needed to make a decision. I looked up flights - found one leaving about 2 hours later, I called my husband - he would pickup a suitcase packed by my daughter and deliver it to the airport for me. So I met up with my boss, dropped things off to them and bee-lined it back to the airport to check in and wait for my husband/suitcase.
click...click...click...

On the plane - the reality of what was going on hit me, but it wasn't the swoosh from the roller coaster heading down that big hill. It was that sinking heart feeling - sitting at the top of the hill waiting for the inevitable. My mind didn't want to venture into any of the possibilities that were out there so I chose to immerse myself in some word search puzzles and ignore the pain and anxiety that was welling up in my heart. I was at the top of the hill. I was holding my breath.

That roller coaster chose to sit at the top of that hill for quite some time. I didn't want it to go careening down and slam into a curve - mainly because I didn't know what that curve would be. Would he be gone by the time my plane landed?
No. My younger sister had made it in around the same time as my flight (I planned it that way) and our sister-in-love Cyndy met us at the airport and drove us to the hospital. Dad was still with us. It was hard to see him hooked up to so much machinery.
I was still holding my breath.

At the first glimpse of him I felt a shell close in on my mind and the numbness took over. That's what holding your breath for so long can do to you. We were all taking turns talking to him, encouraging him, loving him, stroking his forehead, singing Amazing Grace, holding his hand, silently pleading with him not to give up and to stay with us.
I was still holding my breath.

When it was becoming more and more apparent that my dad was a true fighter in every sense of the word - I started to let my breath out a little bit at a time. That's when that darn roller coaster began it's descent. I thought it was moving at a tolerable pace then BAM...I should book my flight home, I have responsibilities, there's nothing more I can do here...well there was but that would require quitting my job and that was out of the question. First curve came when I had to say goodbye and head for the plane. I knew there was quite the road ahead for my dad, mom and my siblings that lived locally.

That rollercoaster cruised along somewhat smoothly for a couple days when I returned to work and found upheaval there - SLAM - that curve caught me off guard. It threw me one direction - then another when I found out I would be jumping in a vehicle and driving more than 18 hours from North Dakota back to Colorado's Grand Junction area. The same day we were discussing the trip I found out my 102 year old Memere (grandmother) was going home from the hospital on hospice. It was a tumultuous ride and a tumultuous week - my bosses were great - but my brain couldn't focus on what needed to be done and I felt like I was a shell, going through the motions, unable to process what exactly was going on in my life. Would my Dad be cleared to travel? Would he get there in time to say goodbye? I looked to God...only He knew. So I prayed, desperately.

We had a productive week in junction - I was wiped out emotionally towards the end of the trip and pretty much melted down the afternoon we prepared to head back. I made it to my house around midnight Friday. Crawled into bed a heaping mess of raw emotions. So messy that I couldn't even cry another tear at that point. Then I got the call...at 5:15 eastern time my sweet Memere made her transition to her Savior's arms. Now I needed to make another decision - do I go to her funeral? Could we manage it? Could I even handle it? I wanted someone to go with me. I was done being the lone ranger, riding this rollercoaster by myself. That's when I realized the other crazy thing about rollercoasters - it feels like the world is standing still - you are shooting the curves full speed ahead and the people below you are oblivious to your screams. It's like being suspended for a moment in time. I was coasting along - full speed - in my own little world sometimes forgetting that life was continuing to go on without me.

Going to my Memere's funeral was by far the best choice I could have made. Seeing cousins I rarely saw and some I hadn't seen in thirty or more years, was precious. I believe one of Memere's dreams was to bring the family back together and she accomplished it, though she wasn't there to witness it herself. The reality that my grandmother was gone took a bit of time to sink in. I was not devastated - I knew where she was. I rejoiced in her finding peace and rest. I rejoiced that her time of being bedridden was short-lived and that the Lord had great mercy on our precious Memere. I celebrated the fact that my dad was cleared to travel and he and my mom were able to spend her last few days here on earth with her and with his brother and his wife. I was thanking God that my older sister had the flexibility to come with and stay with them - taking care of so many of the little details (like making sure they were eating and resting, sorting through things, arranging to put the house on the market, she was the perfect companion for such a time as this.) So many things to be thankful for - I was coasting along on the beauty that was my grandmother's life and that IS my family.

Picture of all the cousins together for the first time in YEARS! 

Trying to get back into the groove of things has been difficult - there still seemed to be switches and unexpected turns here and there, like watching our friends lose their precious son at such a young age - how graciously they maneuvered their rollercoaster - never screaming, always trusting they were safe, and here I was emotionally undone by this event, completely and utterly helpless to know how to help them and minister to them in their time of great mourning. It was as if that rollercoaster had found another hill to climb. We all held our breath as we prayed that the Lord in his mercy would reach down from heaven and heal our buddy. Instead God chose to heal him completely and wrap him in His ever-loving, ever-lasting arms.

I am so grateful for my family and friends who have supported me through these past few months. For the walking miracle that is my Dad! For employers that offer understanding and flexibility and care about all that has been going on in my life - their support and friendship are amazing. I thank the Lord for times of refreshing that have come recently - spending a day with dear friends we haven't seen in WAY too long, the opportunity to go to training for Women's Ministries Directors (a hand-picked group of 25 of us were accepted into this three day program.) Some wonderful times of worship, prayer and fellowship with our church family and the teams I serve with. So many things God has done that make me soar without the restrictions of that blasted rollercoaster that thinks it controls my life.

I just needed those reminders, that...

God is in control 

- not that rollercoaster! 

HOW TO HIRE A CONTRACTOR - Why Using The Lowest Bidder is NOT Economical

Home building is a stressful process but there's nothing worse than crazy contractors. I know there are some amazing contractors out there - as a matter of fact, we used one for some portions of our projects - all of which turned out BEAUTIFULLY and were completed in a TIMELY FASHION and when we look at it - we have that "AHHHHH!" moment where we are so completely satisfied with their work and the LOW STRESS THRESHOLD they provided. Then there are other contractors. The first came with good recommendations and his pricing was significantly lower than the next contractor - enough we couldn't justify using the PROFESSIONAL contractor. So this fly-by-night guy came in to build OUR FOUNDATION...

Now, if there's anything that even I know as an amateur - foundation is HUGE when building a house. A proper foundation is necessary and what every homeowner anticipates when contracting someone to build it. My amazing husband is a researcher deluxe. The guy will stay up all night and research something to the "nth" degree and determine the route he wants to take. When he says he wants to build an ICF basement - I know he's found it to be the best foundation for the house that he could find and that it would be wonderful! The contractor bid the job as a full ICF basement. When he built it however, he did a partial ICF...partial wood on the exposed walkout and put in cinderblocks at the base of the ICF walls - for no apparent reason other than the fact that he wanted to and didn't care what my husband wanted. I have never seen my Fit Farmer so frustrated. We also contracted him to provide a 3 foot foundation base for our mudroom so that we could install in-floor heat panels. He had our excavation contractor dig a SEVEN FOOT HOLE - proceeded to build cinderblock walls - and then made the guy fill the hole back in. WHY???? If I had known I would have put in a root celler for goodness sake!

To add to the pain of all this he was having a hard time reading the blue prints - so his measurements were off - which meant things didn't come together as they should and this particular contractor has been the "gift" that keeps on giving. Starting with his being $30,000 over budget - charging us for a basement that wasn't built to our specifications at a higher rate for 1/3 of it being STICK BUILT rather than ICF. Sticking us with the additional charges for the contractor who excavated then filled the mudroom hole. Having to pay another contractor to come in and reinforce the stemwall because he didn't finish that out properly either. Having to pay double for the mudroom construction because the specs didn't match what was installed so the contractor had to "retrofit" the mudroom. Having our garage wind up several degrees off because he laid out the house foundation incorrectly (not according to the plans.) The list goes on. In reality he didn't just cost us the added $30,000 but another $20,000 plus in adjustments!

When we were checking into the appraisal for transferring the  mortgage - we found out we had to complete the mudroom and 60% of the basement. This was not in the plans and all the extra money we had to pay out to our overbudget fly-by-night contractor and all the additional adjustments - well that was the money we were planning to use to finish this stuff off with. We brought in a contractor on someone's recommendation again. This guy...well...he's good at some stuff - but he is NOT a finish carpenter by any means and can't keep a crew because he's not so good at managing his finances. That meant the majority of the time he worked alone. Every tried to hang drywall - ALONE? He did well until he found himself strapped financially, then things went down hill fast. He was constantly asking for more money even though he hadn't quite finished the work yet. I finally drew up contracts and payment plans for the guy so he knew when he would be paid and how much - contingent upon COMPLETION of the project. It worked...SORT OF. Then he subcontracted someone and that went south when he didn't pay them. When someone shows up at your home and they're disgruntled about not being paid and they threaten a lein on your loan...oy...that get's a little scary and a lot of stressful. To add to that - what this guy said he could do in 4 weeks has stretched out into four months - and that's just NOT COOL.

SO...long story short. The lowest BID is NOT the most economical route because they always - I mean ALWAYS go OVER BUDGET...they don't get things done in a timely fashion. When they lose interest because they can't get any more money out of you, they start doing shoddy work. And you may be left cleaning up after them down the road.

So - What should you do?

1.  RESEARCH - check better business bureau, get recommendations and CALL THEM. 
2. DRAW UP CONTRACTS - make it official, know the rates, timelines and payment plan ahead of time and stick with it. 
3. HAVE AN OUT - if something is just not feeling right or things just aren't going well - make sure your contract has an OUT so that you can bring in someone who will do the job right. 
4. SIGN LEIN RELEASES - as you pay them - make sure they sign off on the lein release noting they have been paid and cannot put a lein on your loan. 

AND if you live near Stanley, North Dakota - you can hire 

NORTH COUNTRY EXCAVATING & CONSTRUCTION

 (701) 628-6232

These are the people we SHOULD HAVE HIRED in the first place. Their bid seemed high - but they ALWAYS stay ON BUDGET, they get things done ON TIME and they do QUALITY WORK! 

WHEN THE ENEMY IS PERSISTENT

We have a big event coming up soon! The Women's Retreat for our church - "Come As You Are" is just a short time away. As we prepare for the event I am feeling the pressure mounting from the spiritual forces of darkness (sounds ominous, I know - but it is). I've been involved in events in the past and experienced this - but I find the enemy is crafty in his approach and uses the most unexpected places to discourage soldiers of Christ. This would be the case once again! It's amazing how the enemy will attack you in areas where you thought you were confident. (act out in pride.) 

The place God took me during this particularly spiritual warfare-laden night was Romans. As I evaluated my situation God initially had me reading Romans 8:1-2 "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." So those whispers of condemnation were not of God - they were the enemy trying to discourage and dissuade me from my task. As I evaluated I asked God some questions, 

"Why did I volunteer to lead worship for the women's retreat?" 

"Is my heart in the right place Lord?" 

From there he took me to Romans 12:3 - "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourself by the faith God has given us." 

So...You think my heart isn't right Lord?
No...that's not what I want you to focus on.
OH???
I want you to evaluate your pride AND your heart. Because you should never think you are better than you really are and I want you to settle in your heart just what it is that has you questioning the role you've been given in this event. Be honest in your evaluation - measure yourself by the faith I've given you and not by what others think. 

This led me to Proverbs 3:5-6

Eventually He brought me back to Romans 12. As I read this chapter over and over I constantly paused at this verse... "If God has given you leadership ability take the responsbility seriously." 

So Lord, you think I haven't taken this responsbility seriously? 
It's not that you haven't taken it seriously, it's more about the focus. What are you focusing on? Perfection and presentation? Or ministry and transformation? 
So, this responsbility is serious and must be taken seriously but from the vantage point of ministering and transforming lives? 
What has the scriptures told you? 
They've told me - "don't just pretend to love others - REALLY LOVE them." to "HOLD TIGHTLY to what is good...to SERVE you with ENTHUSIASM...to BE PATIENT in trouble and KEEP PRAYING...and not to let evil conquer me but to CONQUER EVIL by DOING GOOD." 

After writing this chapter out a couple times, I ended up with this list of reminders in my times of struggle with a persistent enemy...

1. Honestly assess yourself.
2. Be full of integrity and humility.
3. Take your leadership responsbility seriously.
4. Love everybody genuinely.
5. Change the way you think - be transformed.
6. Shut up and keep praying.
7. Serve enthusiastically.
8. Rejoice in your confident Hope.
9. Conquer evil by doing good.
10. Live in harmony.
11. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.

This list has come in handy over the past few days. The enemy hasn't let up and things keep popping up that make life a little crazy and some days difficult - but I know where my Hope lies. I know that His love and strength are what will get me through the days and that ultimately - it's in that strength that I desire to put forth the effort because I want to do all things in His name and for His glory! 

So whether it has to do with building a house, working on taxes, keeping up with my job, leading praise team, supporting the retreat committee, an interstitial cystitis flare, a fibromyalgia flare, I am going to praise Him through it all. Mainly because the enemy would have me do otherwise and I'm a rebel. 

5 REASONS WHY the AIP (Autoimmune Protocol) DIET WORKS FOR ME

A few years back I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. That's all six months of going back and forth to Cleveland Clinic produced - well that and an offer for pain management to step in and get a pain block and a recommendation for a psychological evaluation because - yep, they told me it may all be in my head. I don't totally disagree that some of our pain comes from experiences that manifest themselves in parts of the body (for more information on this go to Body Pain Linked to Emotional State)

However, I knew and still know that I my body is struggling with something that is beyond the emotional state. It is an actual degeneration of my healthy cells because they are attacking one another and causing my body to be in a constant state of heightened stress literally in constant crisis mode. A body can only exist in this state for a certain amount of time before it starts to deteriorate. It profiles itself for the more terminal illnesses such as heart disease or cancer. 

When it comes to modern - conventional medicine I have discovered a couple things - 

1. Being on antibiotics repeatedly (5-7 times per year for 25 years) causes your body to become "immune"... allergic to multiple strains of antibiotics. I only have one class of antibiotics I can use at this time in my life. My nurse practitioner saw that and has attempted to keep me OFF antibiotics if at all possible. We had been fairly successful up until my surgery on my arm - where they gave IV antibiotics and I didn't even know they did that until after the surgery.  
2. Pain killers, whether over-the-counter or prescribed - should be used on a LIMITED basis. See chart below for more information! 
3. If a doctor doesn't think he can help you, he will dump you. Not every doctor is like this, and my doctor stuck it out for almost 4 years with me, but after my run to Cleveland Clinic my doc decided he, nor any doctor in his practice, would be able to see me anymore and sent me a letter to notify me of this. That was a very painful and eye-opening moment for me. 

My autoimmune state was brought on by several factors and one of the major factors was yeast overgrowth - also known as candida albican. If I had caught this in its initial state I may have been able to avoid the resulting Fibromyalgia or not have had a immune compromised body that would have been able to battle Lyme Disease. But that's not what the Lord had planned for me - so here I am. I honestly battle for my life - some days the battle is harder than others - but I will take where I am now in comparison to where I was three, almost four years ago. I owe a great deal of my current functioning health to my naturopath - he listened, he learned and he figured out several things my body was battling and he put me on a very strict AIP diet and detoxed me over a two year span. I have not been released by him yet - just can't afford the flights to Colorado right now so it's been put on hold. HOWEVER, the AIP Diet was a God-send and here are my FIVE REASONS THE AIP DIET WORKS FOR ME...

1. It cuts out sugar. Check out what Wellness Mama has to say about sugar here. Sugar is an inflammatory agent which causes my joints to swell and increases my pain. 
2. It cuts out processed food. There's a lot of junk we put into our bodies - cutting processed food eliminates that junk and gives our body a fighting chance to heal itself. 
3. It encourages healthy eating habits. The AIP Diet may seem limited, but when we start eating properly we begin to feel so much better our body actually craves the good food over the bad. 
4. It provides a guide that works for me. By following the foundational eating recommendations for the AIP Diet, I have less brain fog, less inflammation, less pain, and more benefits!
5. It gives my body a chance to heal. By sticking with the AIP Diet my body has a chance to heal from all the damage that has been caused by what I've put into it prior to the autoimmune issues. There are so many things I have done in the past that have exacerbated this problem. BUT I will save that for another blog post - this one is long enough already! 

If you struggle with fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain, and more, this may be a program that can help you! If you have a program that is helping you with your chronic pain, autoimmune condition, etc. feel free to share in the comments! Happy Hump Day! 

BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED

INTRODUCTION
First of all it's probably time to reintroduce myself. It's been awhile. But this...is me...

 This is me about a year ago - on my AIP Diet.  This is me today - after 4 months on SAD Diet.

Admittedly, it's not a great shot and one was taken in a yellow bathroom while the other was taken in my new house. BUT...you will notice two things - my face is swollen in the picture on the right, my eyes aren't as clear and my hair is "lifeless." I am grateful that my skin tone has maintained but I have a healthier glow even though I look yellow.

I am Yuki and I have been living my autoimmune adventure for several years now but was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2011.  From 2013-2014 I was under the care of an amazing naturopath who encouraged me to maintain a strict diet, use supplements and detox my body. Because of his work I was basically thriving until recently when I decided to chuck it all and eat like everybody else. It started with just ONE DAY...one day of ditching the diet - Thanksgiving, then it led to two, and you I'm sure you can figure out the rest. My body began to crave sugar, to crave breads and grains, and I began to have inflammation issues, the pain in the joints and muscles began to increase from it's gentle state of 3-4 to running around 6-8. My mobility began to suffer and my energy has been non-existent. Keeping up with life has been difficult...

My refuge is my comfy bed with my heated mattress pad!!

My strength comes from one place and one place only. 

I've been working on a Jennie Allen study called Restless. This study is focusing in on the struggles of Joseph and the suffering he went through but ultimately focuses on Jesus and how He suffered and how His suffering makes Him our ultimate advocate with our God. It is He that understands all that suffering entails and relates it to His purposes for our lives. 

 As tonight's study stated, "the greatest thing you have to give to the world could be hidden in your darkest moments. What if your scars point to a greater story? Every time I want to be mad at God because of suffering (whether it is my own or someone else) he shows me JESUS.

I have known Jesus most deeply in suffering; he seems to inhabit suffering and he endured it first."

"His glory will be revealed, and those who have suffered most will be the most overjoyed."

My suffering is not anything to write home about. My suffering is very character building and God has used it to transform my heart and mind to be stayed on Him. He has used it to make me more aware of my need for His intervention, His healing, His promises, His faithfulness. He is my strength and my portion forever and it's because of Him that I have been able to come back from something so debilitating, so depleting of life, that I can sit here and type this blog post. The idea that I can even walk without being crumpled over. The idea that I can think without the fog of prescription pain killers clouding my thoughts. GOD IS GOOD. But I have fallen off the "wagon" so-to-speak. And I am struggling to get back on. Maintaining this lifestyle of Autoimmune Protocol eating and cutting out the foods that are stimulating the interstitial cystitis IS hard. It is a journey whose path I traveled once and will travel again. My next post will elaborate on those foods that I had to cut initially because of how broken-down my body was. It's an incredible testimony to a great God and His hand in my life! 

WHY WE CHOSE TO BRING IN A MODULAR HOME

After months and months...no wait - after YEARS and YEARS of planning and plotting and dreaming and devising, we had to make a choice...do we "stick build" or bring in a modular home? We determined which modular company we would buy from and then we researched stick built and ICF houses. What we found out for our area was this...when you live in the middle-of-nowhere and you contact a construction company to build your house from scratch, you have to cover the cost of housing and anticipate trip or mileage charges added in to the cost and the list went on. It was rather depressing because we had dreamt of building an ICF home and thought it would weather our North Dakota plains living and the buffeting wind well. But it wasn't a feasible option.

Given the fact we were developing our land and building a house on it - we would have had to come up with upwards of $600,000 to build a basic 1500 square foot home - most likely without a basement. More than half a million for a house on the prairie whose resale potential is extremely limited. More than likely we hope and pray one of our children will choose to settle here after we are gone. 

Then we did some indepth research on modulars vs manufactured and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt we would go with the modular build. We could specify our foundational structure - and went with a floor tress system. I am glad we chose that - because other foundational systems are creaky - this one is as solid as stickbuilt.

We also went with our broker Kopper Creek Homes because I had found a kindred spirit amongst the sales people in this industry. Cayttie was able to dream right along with me and totally understood my desire for a rustic, industrial, chic farmhouse. It was an odd combination of modern and rustic. She nailed it! 

My AMAZING kitchen!

We chose modular because of the timing - we wanted to get things rolling as soon as possible and with North Dakota winters - building on site had about a 4 month window. We didn't anticipate such a mild winter - but it has proven beneficial as we continue to forge up the seams of our home. Something a typical North Dakota winter would not have allowed.

We chose modular because we wanted to be able to customize our home - just as we would have with a stickbuilt. And customize we did - from the kitchen, to the pantry, to the piano room and the masterbath - our home is just that OUR HOME! 

Here's a shot of them setting our modular on 

our walkout basement.

There are some cosmetic issues that are being dealt with - nothing is perfect...but there was still that potential had we done a stickbuilt home. To say that we couldn't be happier with our amazing modular home is an understatement. This place is simply GORGEOUS and MORE than I could have hoped for. We are loving life on the farm and even though my poor husband is working himself into exhaustion trying to be the general contractor and put the finishing touches on our home, we are love-love-loving it! 

SO, if you live in the middle of nowhere, you may want to look into modular over building from the ground up - it's not for everybody, but we are definintely content! 

3 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU START TO BUILD A HOUSE

We have been through the ringer with this house building thing. We aren't even past the early stages and we are already experiencing some major pain in the home building arena.

When we started this process we were excited to finally see some movement towards our goal after about 2 1/2 years of planning. Or so we thought. What we found out is that we had been doing about 2 1/2 years of dreaming and had not touched on the planning yet. What we found out is that we were behind the ball on many things and ahead of the game in others. But what we found that hurt the most was that our dreamers, our wanters had taken over our bodies and we were no longer functioning within our budgetary guidelines. As a matter of fact, we were so far beyond them that we forgot what they were!

This being the case, I want to save some people some of the pain that we are currently experiencing. Here are three things you should do BEFORE you start to build a house.

1) KNOW YOUR BUDGET - one of my goals has always been to own my house and not have my house own me. This is fairly easy to accomplish when you rent, when you buy a house that's pre-owned - well, that's another story for another day, but suffice it to say - SET YOUR DOLLAR LIMIT and STAY WITHIN IT. Do NOT -- no really...DO NOT blow your budget!

2) RESEARCH YOUR BUILDER - we thought we'd done our research but what we had been doing was simply dreaming - when it came to understanding who the builder was, we were clueless. WHY? Because we went with a broker. We purchased a modular home built by the broker's company of choice. How do they choose - well, they sign on to sell certain builder's homes - in our case, they had three levels of builders - the pre-fab home style builders whose houses look like mobile homes, the middle market builder whose houses look great until you pull out the level and the magnifying glass, and of course there is their top of the line builder that only a select few can afford. In our case - we fell within the category of their middle market builder. What we didn't know were some of the key elements we wanted were sacrificed - not because they couldn't do it and do it well, but because we chose to compromise our budget and stretch some things thin while other items we went top of the line with.

Once you narrow down your builder - CHECK THEM OUT. Visit their factory, see how they do things. If we had known, we likely would have gone a different route, but we didn't. Don't get me wrong - we have a beautiful home - there were just a few things that looked a bit slapped together or weren't up to the standard we thought they would be - but they are all minor cosmetic issues we can manage ourselves. As far as structure and soundness - it is fantastic.

3) UNDERSTAND EXTENUATING COSTS - for us, we built from scratch - literally from the ground up. Undeveloped land that we had to pull power, cable, drill a well, excavate out of the side hill...SO - the house was reasonable and well within our budget - but when you added the development of the land, septic tank installation, excavation and cement work, cost of build out for the basement and garage and throw in a 500 sf mudroom - you have a recipe for going WAY.OVER.BUDGET. We have tried to maintain - but we have constantly been getting slapped with misquotes and whoopses. You need to get your quotes in advance - lock the contractor in and incorporate those charges into your budget. This must be included in the cost of building your home so that you aren't thrown a huge curveball!

We are still in the process of building our home. Our appraisal is now our nemesis. There were some items added to the appraisal in order to obtain the value of the home that now have to be completed in order to convert our construction loan to a mortgage - but I can honestly say - what I am seeing - when we finish our house (top to bottom) and all is complete, THIS HOUSE - this amazing piece of exquisite real estate will be worth double that appraisal value - guaranteed! Now, here's hoping we live long enough to see it completed! lol! My poor husband has poured his heart and soul into this place! Hours upon hours of work to get this home built! I will say this...it is already breathtaking! I never dreamt of living in a home as grande as our farmhouse on the prairie! In that respect - God is good and we are very happy! I don't mean for the points above to sound negative but they are IMPORTANT considerations - so please, if you're building, keep these three things in mind BEFOREHAND!

This story is our story - it doesn't reflect every situation or every person's building experience - so please know that I am sharing from our personal experience and nothing more.

RESTORATION - Praising a God Who Restores

At the age of 28 she was on her second marriage, had three children and was trapped in a life entrenched in lies, cheating and stealing. She justified her actions. She thought she'd never get caught. But he caught her. The man she'd made a covenant marriage vow with. She confessed all to him - not to hurt him, but because she couldn't carry this any longer. She will never forget the pain she saw in his eyes. Pain she knew had forged deep into his very soul. Pain SHE had caused. He gave only one ultimatum. "Never lie to me again." He didn't chastise her, he didn't reason with her, he didn't even ask why she had done it - maybe he was afraid she'd lie some more and didn't want to risk that. He professed his love for her but firmly let her know he would not tolerate lies within their marriage. But truly, it was the pain in the eyes that convicted her more than any words would have. They'd been married for five years. She'd put him through so much during that time and he still clung to whatever minute strand of hope he could find that things would eventually work out.

That Sunday morning in church God broke her. She could not move - she didn't remember the sermon - all she heard was God calling her to give her life and every rotten thing she'd done over to Him. Somehow the pastor even knew. This sweet fundamental baptist church always had an invitation at the end of service, but today it went on for what seemed an eternity in the eyes of the soul that sat wrestling between the pull of the world and the gentle touch of the Spirit. About the fourth time through "I Surrender All" she moved, slowly, hesitantly, not knowing what to expect but desperately needing something to change. As she prayed, change came. Slow and deliberate - the Spirit began to sooth the anxious soul, mend the shattered heart, heal the broken marriage and tenderly pour life back in. THIS is RESTORATION. THIS is the beauty in the life-giving, life-changing, power of the Savior. Marriage restored. Life restored. Family restored. Future restored. All done by a GOD who RESTORES!

21 years later that same woman now celebrates with great joy 26 years of marriage to a man that never gave up on her! 21 years later she's celebrating a God that took a wretch and transformed her into someone who loves others, and desires to share her love for God with them. She's not perfect, she still struggles and she knows she has a long way to go - but she has hope, joy, peace, and a husband and a God that she can always rely on!

PONDERING THE PROMISE (When God Makes a Promise...He Keeps It!)

Today is Day 12 of the 40 Days of Praise Challenge. It's been an interesting ride so far! I've learned so much about God through the depth of the Scriptures that I had not forged before and through the encouragement of the women that are traveling this road with me!

Rather than being vague - I will be completely transparent. There have been many challenges in my life that would present opportunity for the Lord to be my comforter. Those include several moves where I found myself engulfed in loneliness and steeped in depression. They include turning over my children to the Lord at various times in their lives during some trying and yes even some rebellious moments. Moments where they were injured, car accidents, and even a time where one ran away and left my heart broken and in unimaginable pain. Grieving over choices made and painful consequences. It was God's comfort and grace that saw me through those moments but the most challenging time in my life is the health issues I have been dealing with for more than five years now. Debilitating illness that left me nearly bedridden for several months and in so much pain throughout my entire body that I threw myself at His feet for comfort and relief. 

While reading Psalm 119:48-52, I zeroed in on the word "PROMISE". I don't know why but the pull to communicate a little more clearly what the Psalmist is talking about here was strong. We all know that God made promises to his people and I have professed my faith in Him in the keeping of those promises, but have never felt so driven to be able to articulate this more clearly than now. Our hope and our comfort are found here...the promise, that we would be reconciled to God. 

Hebrews 9 declares the first covenant between God and Israel had regulations for worship that were very specific - including the measurements and technical elements involved with the building of the tabernacle to the particular sacrifices to be made for the atonement of the sins of men. There were two rooms - one was called the Holy Place, the other the Most Holy Place. (Read Hebrews 9:1-5) The priests were required to regularly enter and perform religious duties. But only the high priest ever entered the Most Holy Place, and only once a year. There he made blood offerings for his own sins and the sins of the people. "The Most Holy Place was not freely open...the gifts and sacrifices that the priests offer are not able to cleanse the consciences of the people who bring them." (He. 9:8-9) These physical regulations were in effect only until a "better system" could be established. "So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood, not the blood of goats and calves - he entered the Most Holy place once for all time and secured our redemption forever! For Christ did not enter into a holy place made with human hands, which was only a copy of the true one in heaven. He entered into heaven itself to appear now before God on our behalf...once and for all he has appeared at the end of the age to remove sin by his own death as a sacrifice. Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him." (Heb. 9:11-28)

"And so dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." Hebrews 10:19-24 NLT 

Could not have said this better myself. Seriously, the Word of God has all this and more and I think I get so busy with life I don't focus in on the important, life-transforming word's within this book. There's beautiful communion to be found with our Lord when we take the time to humbly sift through the pages of our Bible and focus in on the many aspects within that relate to our Creator and His chosen people. Our COMFORT is truly found in His promises and that is why I believe God tugged at my heart to dig deeper into His Promise! Praying you found comfort in these truths as well! 

The Art of Learning to Delight in Him

It's been an interesting few days. Only 4 days into the 40 Days of Praise challenge (#7xfor40days) and I am finding such a richness and depth of fellowship with my Savior that I never dreamed possible. I am gleaning understanding into the richness of His Word. I am finding out things about myself that I need to work on. I am finding out things about myself that I praise God for. All around it's been amazing AND there are still another 36 days to go! WOO HOO!

God has richly blessed this endeavor and we have an incredible group of 218 people participating in some way with this challenge! When I created the Facebook group - I never dreamt it would grow to 218 people. In the group I am sharing devotionals centered around my quiet time. Yesterday's text Psalm 119: 13-16 had so much to it, I could not fit it into a single devotional - so I thought I would recap here and share some more...hope you don't mind! :)

Yesterday we looked at DELIGHTING IN HIM. We found out that delight meant captivated, enthralled, to have joy in something, in this case - God. However, the full passage reads more like this (I have combined NLT & [ESV] to give a fuller, richer context.)

"I have recited aloud [declared] all the regulations [rules of your mouth] you have given us. I have rejoiced in [delighted in the ways of] your law as much as riches. I will study [meditate on] your commandments and reflect [fix my eyes] on your ways. I will delight in your decrees and [I will] not forget your word." (Psalm 119:13-16)

In studying this passage - I started out with my focus on verse 16 - where it clearly states, "I will not forget your word."
"Word" in this instance is the Hebrew term 'imrah - this term is directly correlated to being pure (unmixed, unalloyed, refined, purified, purged) which answers the question in 119:9 - in this case it draws us back to the previous verses that gives us guidance for refining our lives:

• People of integrity follow the instructions of the Lord. (119:1)
• Obey his laws and search for Him with all their heart. (2)
• Do not compromise with evil and walk only in His paths. (3)
• Keep His commands carefully. (4)
• Acknowledge and pray that their actions would consistently reflect His decrees. (5)
• Compare their lives with His commands and strives not to bring Him shame. (6)
• LEARN the righteous regulations (we will talk about this in a second.) and
• Show our appreciation to Him by living in a manner that glorifies Him. (7)
• Obey His decrees. (8)
• Try hard to find Him - seek Him out. (10)
• Hide His Word in our hearts. (11) 
• Recite aloud all the regulations given to us. (13)
• Rejoice in His laws. (14)
• Study His commands and reflect on His ways. (15)
• Delight in His decrees and not forget His Words. (16)

When God's Word becomes our delight, His presence and deliverance are near and brings us celebrated joy!! If you take a close look at this list of ways that we can "keep our way pure" (9) we find that there is a significant amount of responsibility placed on us. This is not to seem daunting or unattainable - but it is there to show that we have a choice to make - we can choose to obey or be disobedient, we can choose to be careful or careless, we can choose to seek His ways or the world's ways. As we make our choice to follow Him there's a sweetness that comes with that decision. 

In understanding the Art of Learning to Delight in Him, I want to break that list down a little more and offer thoughts on three initial steps that may be put into place to begin to solidify this process of LEARNING this Art. 

If you go back to Psalm 119:13-16 quoted above you will see in verse 13 it talks about RECITING ALOUD, DECLARING ALOUD all His regulations. In the Women's Evangelical Commentary on the Old Testament it says that, "to speak aloud could also indicate rehearsing everything Yahweh says, rejoicing in His testimonies as much as in all riches." It is communicating the idea of learning God's Word by heart. Memorizing Scripture! I have had the privilege of acting in many plays but my largest role had me memorizing 470 lines and 15 songs. I wasn't sure I would be able to accomplish this feat - but God was with me and showed me that the more I recited my lines, the more of them I found I had memorized until at last, they were all memorized. If I can memorize 470 lines, surely I can memorize scripture! Needless to say, this revelations has left me excited to begin rehearsing Scripture!!

STEP ONE 

in our LEARNING process is - to RECITE SCRIPTURE OUT LOUD and MEMORIZE it. 

In verse 15 it talks about STUDYING/MEDITATING on His commandments. Sometimes terminology gets in the way of deeper understanding. For me the words studying and meditating are clear enough but in applying them, I sometimes struggle, because studying sounds rather scholarly and I am no Bible scholar. Meditating sounds a little new-age-ish to me and I have to remind myself that this is God's directive and meditating on His Word is a holy practice. To put it into more practical terms let me say it this way - we should be PONDERING, taking time for some silent reflection over God's Word and asking ourselves how it applies to our lives. 

STEP TWO

is to PONDER God's COMMANDS and APPLY them to our LIVES.

In verse 15 it also mentions REFLECTING on His ways. This is a little different from pondering God's commands in that we are digging into His Word to understand the character and being of God by SPEAKING out loud ABOUT what God has said and done. It's a more intangible FIXING of the EYES in this case as we are gleaning knowledge through the eyes of fellow believers. In doing this we keep our way pure out of a reverent fear for the One who created us in His image. One great way to learn through this process is taking those reflections into a circle of Christian friends and having a sweet time of fellowship discussing these things of God together and foraging through Scripture to back up your understanding. 

STEP THREE

is SPEAK ABOUT what God has SAID and DONE. 

SO to recap - our PROCESS in the Art of Learning to Delight in Him:

1. RECITE SCRIPTURE OUT LOUD
2. PONDER GOD'S COMMANDS AND APPLY THEM TO OUR LIVES
3. SPEAK ABOUT WHAT GOD HAS SAID AND DONE

May these steps find their way into our lives and allow us to become stronger in our walk with the Lord. May His blessings continue to flow in and through each of us as we continue praising Him for 7 times a day for 40 days! 

FOR THOSE WHO MOURN

There's a lot going on in the world. Everyday there are lives lost. We see them, we think of them, we are sorry for them, but for the most part, we don't feel them. Until it's close to home.

I'm at that age now where we're watching the home-going of many friends parents and grandparents. I am keenly aware of the flood of emotions that the grief of this separation brings. I've experienced grief at it's depths. I never knew how deeply it penetrated until I found myself in the midst of it. I believe God allowed this experience that I may know and understand others pain and be compassionate towards them. But with this understanding comes the thought of - why would God want us to experience such a depth of grief as this?

Our Creator is a passionate, emotional God. He's not some gavel wielding judge sitting up there in heaven looking down on his creation without thought of all we're going through. Even his Son who walked the earth, took on the form of man (emotions and all) felt deeply, was moved to compassion, grieved so passionately he sweat blood. God weeps for his children. He knows our pain. We were created in HIS image. So, I believe it's natural that we should possess the same emotional infrastructure that our Lord has. He longs for us to love deeply, to have compassion on his creation, to desire to be in relationship - without all this emotional circuitry we would not have a desire for relationship with HIM. Though it comes with a price, it is a bittersweet reminder of all that we have.

Without those emotional bonds we would not miss those we love, we would not even love them. We would simply exist and walk through life numb to all it's beauty and grace.

Today a friend lost his wife suddenly, a heart attack. They are both extremely hard working, honest, good people. They worked hard for everything they have. They love their children and provide so much for them and want to see them succeed in life. They have sacrificed so much for their family. But today, his world has been turned upside-down. Today, he knows grief as he's never experienced before. Today, just months from retirement, his best friend is gone. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes where it talks of meaningless pursuits in chapters 1 and 2. In chapter 4 he talks about the advantages of companionship.

  "Two people are better off than one, 

for they can help each other succeed."

(Ecclesiastes 4:9)

 This epitomizes this couple. They were a formidable pair - each one encouraging the other on to success. "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer." They have done this. They have conquered much in their lifetime. Their children are their legacy. But without emotional attachment, this never would have been possible.

So through all of this I am reminded that everything has a season. We are all in various seasons of life - we all have responsibilities specific to that season we're in. There really are no shortcuts in life - and if there were, we would miss out on the richness of the journey!

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

My friend may have lost his love, but the legacy they have built throughout their life still stands. Their children will gather round him and mourn with him and they will share stories of how she lived life to the full, how she loved greatly, how she worked hard. They will know that for all the seasons she journeyed, she gave everything she had. It doesn't ease the pain of separation, the suddenness of the loss, but a life well lived is a blessing at these times - for the fullness and joy of their passion for living prevails in the hearts of those they loved.

For those who mourn - it becomes an ebb and flow. Our society does not allow for grieving. It's sad. The Jewish people have a better grasp on mourning - knowing that it must take place in community or the person may be sucked down into the depths of their despair. They have a plan - they allow the person to grieve deeply and quietly alone - for a little while. Then the family and community share in the grief and gather round them. They walk through this initial time of grieving for an entire year. They know that this is the hardest time for them. They see to it that the grieving one is encouraged to engage in life again over time. It's not required of them to participate in all things and they don't expect them to always be smiling and act as if everything is okay - however, they are supported and encouraged to share their struggles and not seclude themselves.

There are things that remind me of the one I loved and lost. There are times I struggle through the memories and tears will occasionally sneak out and other times I cry me a river - literally. I can't make it stop and in some ways I don't want to. I just need it to wash over my soul and renew me. There is strength in those tears, strength to keep moving forward, strength to keep living - so don't make someone grieving stop crying. Give them your shoulder instead. Grab some tissues and join them. Hold their hand and quietly sit with them and let them refresh their soul.

THROW OFF THE OLD SELF...

How many times have I read this passage...

"Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life..." Ephesians 4:22

Every time I read it I'm like - YEA! That's right, I did that - 20+ years ago! Right on!

Today when I read it - I realized I've been THROWING OFF my old self on a regular basis since I turned my life over to my Savior!

How is it that whenever I read this I always think back to the day I turned my life over and relinquished all control (or imagined control)  and gave it into the hands of my Savior?

Why is it that I tend to think of all the awful blatantly sinful things I USED to do - like lying, cheating, stealing...you name it!

But TODAY I am looking at this verse and what comes to mind is all the times pride has tainted my understanding of this particular verse.

Why YES! I HAVE thrown off my old sinful nature - but...there have been times where I've had AHA! life transforming moments where more subtle forms of sin have crept back in and I am needing to "clean house".

So for me to think this old nature and former way of life thing is a one-time deal is ignorance on my part.

Because unless I am HOLDING UNSWERVINGLY to the hope I profess and solidly fixing my eyes on Him, casting all cares of this world aside for something greater, something unseen...well...I will struggle with the flesh!

If you're living for Jesus...striving to do His kingdom work...then you will understand just how fierce the battle truly is. It doesn't get easier the more focused on God you are, but in that devotion, in that discipline you'll find the strength to stand!

That is why we must be ready and willing to throw off that old sinful nature at ALL times - to relinquish our former way of life - you see, as we are sanctified through Christ on our earthly journey we are transformed. Our minds are renewed and our former ways challenged to develop into the image of Christ. So even in my renewed state as a young Christian, each year of growth, each step of the journey, I learn more and more of who Jesus is and what living with Him at the center of my life actually entails.

With each growth spurt comes the opportunity to release the "former way" (the old me that didn't understand a concept of Christian living, but now I do).

My thinking is skewed by my past and what I may envision this Christian walk to be may not always be Biblically sound and I must diligently persist in the pursuit of a transformed mind that continues to be molded and shaped more and more into the mind of Christ.

In this life we will never know the depth of who God is but we must always be searching for more of Him on a moment by moment basis. A more intimate knowledge of Him awaits each of us.

And we should always be ready and willing to throw off the old sinful nature and former way of life!

"Awake O sleeper, raise up from the dead and Christ will give you light.

So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools,

but like those who are wise. 

Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.

Don't act thoughtlessly, but 

Understand what the Lord wants you to do..."

Ephesians 5:14-17

"For you died to this life and your real life is

hidden with Christ in God!"

Colossians 3:3

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do,

because you are his dear children.

Live a life filled with love,

following the example of Christ.

He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us,

a pleasing aroma to God."

Ephesians 5:1-2

So what part of your sinful nature are you needing to throw off today?? 

No need to comment - just take it before the Lord.